It Was Never Uncomplicated
by buckice
Summary: She hadn’t seen him in years, not since the day she realized she couldn’t take it anymore, living in the same town as him, and left. But what happens when she returns? LL
1. Time, It Needs Time

**It Was Never Uncomplicated  
**

**Summary: **After the 6th season finale, Sookie's story from _Say Something_ comes true. Lorelai comes back to Stars Hollow fifteen years later for a visit. Can she and Luke figure out how to get back what they once had? The story will include flashbacks of Luke and Lorelai throughout the first 6 seasons of Gilmore Girls as well as an explanation of why she left, why she didn't come back for fifteen years, and what their lives were like during those years. A few things about Sookie's story have been adjusted: forty years is now fifteen years and obviously Luke and Lorelai didn't break up in college.

**Disclaimer**: Gilmore Girls belongs to ASP (well not anymore), Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, the WB and probably other people (including DR now?) but not me.

**Notes:** Yes I posted this once before and I took it down after an hour when I got stuck in the middle of the third chapter and wasn't sure I could go any further and I hate to post fics and not be able to finish them. It was under a different title at that time, She Never Got Her Middle. However, in the past few days I've become a writing maniac, so I'm ready to repost and post more soon. And I've re-edited and fixed up the first chapter so I think it's even better than it was before. And I changed the title because I really hated that title.

Yes, this probably seems like it's going to be a sad story. I think in total it's not sad, the concept is, but the actual story isn't that sad. I guess just read it and see what you think. I was just hoping to use this to help me remember all the great times of Luke and Lorelai and at the same time they would be remembering how great it once was too.

**The flashbacks will be in _italics _and most will be voices in Lorelai's head. I'm sure you'll understand when you read them but if you can't figure out where one is from, because a few are obscure, just ask.

* * *

**

**Chapter One: Time, It Needs Time  
**

_I heard about this couple on one of those morning shows, similar to you guys, all lovey-dovey, perfect for each other, you know, headed for marriage and something happened and they broke up in their senior year of college, even though they were madly in love with each other. They moved to different parts of the country. They married different people. Oh, had kids, grandkids. Then their spouses died, oh and they were available again. And they talked and hooked up and now they're together and happily in love after forty years. Uh!_

She hadn't seen him in years, not since the day she realized she couldn't take it anymore, living in the same town as him, and left.

As the years passed, she had married, had kids, but she never forgot him. He was at the back of her mind the day she met Larry O'Donnell. He was there the day she and Larry had their first date, the day she gave birth to her son, the day Larry proposed, on their wedding day and the day that her daughter was born. He was always on her mind, but she couldn't go back.

Larry was a great second choice. He was dependable and good. He was kind and gentle and appreciated her for her humor. He was a change for her, something different, a person who didn't know her past and really didn't feel the need to know. And he loved her, that much she knew.

Did she love him? That wasn't for certain.

But Rory loved him. She thought he was great and even moved out to California for a time just to be with them. And though she was now in DC, Lorelai knew that she missed her time with her stepfather and siblings.

Larry was even wonderful with their son and daughter, Nicolas and Lucy. He took time off of his job at the hospital to go to their school plays and graduations. He put damp towels on their heads when they were sick and took pictures before the spring formal. He disciplined them when they were bad and held them when they cried.

She knew that Larry was a good second choice. It seemed to be enough, until he passed away.

It was a cool fall day when she stepped back into Stars Hollow for the first time in fifteen years.

Everything seemed different and it made her heart ache with all she had missed. She was nervous, she knew it. Which was odd because she was Lorelai Gilmore, she was a woman of steel. She couldn't remember a moment in the past when she had ever felt like this, her heart beating so fast she felt it would just burst right in her chest.

What hadn't changed about Stars Hollow was the smallness of the town. She knew the moment she ran into Patty or walked into Weston's that instantly the town would know.

But Rory said she had to come. After fifteen years, Lorelai was finally ready to put her house up for sale and she had to make sure the sale went smoothly.

Why she had held onto the house for so long, she wasn't sure.

After all this time, she wasn't even sure why she had stayed away so long.

The town still seemed inviting as she walked though the center of town, her feet moving aimlessly. As she glanced around, she saw that though some things had changed, much was the same.

The bakery was still named Weston's and it had a sign in the window announcing the return of their 12 layer German chocolate cake that she and Rory had still never been able to cross off their list of accomplishments. Doose's Market was still named Doose's even though she knew Dean owned it now. And the diner, still with its two confusing signs over the doorway, was busy as ever.

But she couldn't go in there. Not yet. She wasn't ready. She didn't know how to be ready. She didn't know what to expect from him. Somehow after ten years of knowing him and two of loving him, she still couldn't be certain about him.

So she took a seat in the gazebo in the center of town, just watching and waiting. For what? She didn't know. But she knew she had to rest for a moment before doing what she had to do.

The town seems to spin around her as she sits on the bench in the gazebo, like that scene at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz. The only things that remain still are her and the bench and the gazebo.

_Where are you going?_

_I know the perfect toasting place. _

She could hear his footsteps behind her as she led him into the gazebo. Unconsciously, she stands up, the world still spinning around her. The only thing meaning anything to her right now is the gazebo. And it's as if she can see him standing there, facing her, smiling at her, as if they have their own personal secret.

_Okay, I believe we were about there_.

She can feel the liquid burning its way down her throat as well as she can feel her heart thump within her chest.

_You're going to kiss me now? So incredibly predictable_.

She lightly touches her lips with her fingers, trying to feel his against hers. Trying to remember that feeling, what it felt like once. Him holding her close to him and touching his lips to hers. Her heart fluttering and shivers traveling down her spine. Her head spinning with the idea that he was hers and she was his and that is how it would be for the rest of their lives. And she blushes, feeling warm all over suddenly.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, we're setting up for our leaf peeping festival, so do you mind not standing there?" she hears, startling her out of her reverie. And she knows that voice. She looks up at Kirk, who looks stunned for a moment.

"Hi Kirk," she says softly. He continues staring at her and she waits, letting him figure it out, remembering that sometimes it took Kirk a little while.

"Lorelai?" he asks, surprise in his voice. She smiles, pleased that he remembers

"In the living flesh," she responds.

"Wow, Lorelai." Kirk walks into the gazebo and gives her an awkward hug. She smiles, never having remembered a time that she had hugged Kirk. It feels odd, but nice. Like she was missed. "What are you doing back here?"

"Oh, I'm selling my house so I needed to make sure everything was fixed before I put it on the market," Lorelai explains.

"I think I had heard something about that," Kirk says.

"I hope so, everything needs to be approved by you now that Taylor's gone." Kirk looks down sadly. She touches his arm knowing that Taylor had been like a father it to him..

"I'm doing my best to be Taylor the second," Kirk says sadly.

"I've only heard the good things," Lorelai assures him.

"From who?"

"People," she answers vaguely. Kirk glances at the diner and her heart skips a beat to know that even now he's still the first person they associate with her. "Not him." Kirk nods. "How's Lulu?"

"She's good. Junior was named artist of the month in school," Kirk answers.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he made a papier-mâché model of me posing as the thinker." Lorelai grins.

"Oh," she responds, stifling a laugh. "Well that's creative."

"Are you here alone?" Kirk wonders.

"Hmmm?"

"Did your husband come?" Kirk motions down at the rings on her left hand. She glances down at them, biting her lip.

"No… Larry, he died."

She's still not sure how to explain it, the finality of her words still hitting her. She had once been at the center of town affairs, the one that volunteered to help out, the one to attend all town meetings, the one to know every townie by name and say hi to them on the street. Everyone had known her and she had known everyone. But now what could she say? She had lived an entire life away from this town. There were so many things about her now that the people of Stars Hollow didn't know. She's not even sure she's even the same person they once knew.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Kirk says, sympathetic in his own way.

"Yeah… it was a few months ago but I'm doing better now. The kids, Nicolas and Lucy, they were prepared, he was sick a long time," Lorelai responds.

"And how's Rory?" Kirk asks.

"Rory's good. She's really loving her job and being a mother. She loves it in DC. Doesn't she come back to visit?"

"Not me," Kirk replies sadly.

She smiles. She knows it's not true. Stars Hollow and everyone in it will always hold a special place in Rory's heart just as it has her own. But to her, it means something different than it does to her daughter. To Rory, its the place she grew up, where she met her best friend, where she had her first kiss. But to Lorelai, it's the only place she's ever home, it's the place where she grew up while raising her daughter, and it's the place where she had once hoped to live out her entire life. Deep down she knows that the life that she was meant to live went far beyond the eighteen years of motherhood to Rory, it was supposed to have been shared with Luke, it was supposed to have been filled with their children, it was supposed to have taken place in Stars Hollow.

"Oh, I'm sure she comes to see you too," Lorelai assures Kirk, who nods. He glances at the watch on his wrist.

"I'm sorry to do this Lorelai, but we really need to start setting up."

"Don't worry, I was just about to go. When's the festival?" she asks.

"The day after tomorrow, but we have to start setting up now or we'll never be ready. There's the Cider Mills parade into the square and then the festival at night." She nods, looking away, remembering a parade so many years ago.

"Well I'll go then. It was good seeing you Kirk."

"You too Lorelai." She waves at him and walks out of gazebo, forcing herself not to glance over her shoulder at the diner on her way out of town square. She's still not ready to look at what she's given up, what she's missed every day since stepping off the plane in California.

* * *

She arrives at her house within five minutes. Not her best time but far from her worst. She figures it was her need to get out of the center of town that got her home so fast. 

Home. That's a funny word to call this place since she hadn't lived there in years.

But it is still home. It was the first place she had lived outside of her parents' house and the Independence Inn. It was the place that Rory had grown up and was the center of so many memories of her time in Stars Hollow. Its was the place she had searched for after finally gathering enough money for a mortgage. It was the place where she, along with Rory, had become an adult.

She sets her purse down on the couch, taking a look around at the place. Much of the furniture had been sold a long time ago when she couldn't face sitting on a couch that she and Luke had picked out. Some of her videos are still there, all the ones she had watched with Luke that she couldn't bring herself to have Rory send out to California. At that point in time, she had barely expected to ever have the urge to want to see these movies again. She hadn't seen Casablanca since that night during Rory's freshman year at Yale, she just couldn't bear it.

_Stop doing that._

_Shh, no talking._

_Then stop doing that._

_Doing what?_

_Looking at me._

_Vain party, table for one._

_You know what I mean. You're watching me watch the movie. It's creepy._

_I enjoy watching people watch certain parts of certain movies._

_But you look over just before something big happens, so I always know something's coming._

_Oh I do?_

_You did it just before Humphrey Bogart saw Ingrid Bergman for the first time. _

_Well she's the costar. You knew it was coming. _

Needing a break from the silence, to get herself to stop thinking about things that she knows she shouldn't be, she takes out her cell phone, pressing number 1 on her speed dial.

"Hey," Rory answers on the first ring.

"It's me."

"I know that, your number has been programmed in my phone since the day I got it," Rory reminds her. "In fact I believe you were in town when I bought it. You stole it from me until I promised to put your number in first."

"Oh right." Lorelai laughs.

"So, are you there? Did you get there okay?" Rory asks.

"Yeah I'm here at home. The flight was fine, no turbulence."

"Good, that's good. So did you walk into town?" Rory asks.

"Actually that's the first thing I did. Surprisingly not a lot's changed."

"Well I told you that. I was only there a few months ago. Aury had a concert and Lane wanted me to come."

"I think I remember that," Lorelai recalls.

"Old age, it'll do that every time," Rory teases.

"Hey!" she exclaims hearing Rory's giggle over the phone.

"Did you run into anyone?" Rory asks suggestively.

"Kirk."

"Really?"

"Yeah he kicked me out of the gazebo. They were starting to set up for another of their weekly town festivals."

"Those were the days. Kirk sounds like he's adjusting to his job as town selectman well," Rory comments.

"Oh yeah, he's calling himself Taylor the second." Rory laughs.

"Why does that not surprise me?" She grins. "Did you see anyone else?" Lorelai sighs, knowing exactly what Rory's getting at. She knows that's what Rory was getting at a few questions ago. More than anything, she wishes she could just stop talking about, that people would just stop asking questions about it. Most of the time, she doesn't even know how to answer them.

How does one explain away what has happened between her and Luke? How does she tell Rory that she feels it feels so Ilsa-like to go back to the diner? She doesn't know how to explain that she can almost imagine walking in and finding 'As Time Goes By' playing the background as she enters the diner. Actually, she doesn't expect that at all. She expects 'Reflectling Light' to be playing in a very 'As Time Goes By' way.

"No. And I didn't go into any place. After running into Kirk, I know my arrival's going to be all over town within the next minute."

"Probably so, but you know some people don't get involved in town gossip," Rory reminds her. Lorelai nods, knowingly.

"He'll find out eventually."

"You are going to go see him right? You can't just visit Stars Hollow and not see him. That would be cruel."

"Call me Ms. DeVille," Lorelai quips and then sighs, rubbing her forehead. "No, I will. I'm just not ready yet." She has to go, she knows it.

"You will be. I know it's going to be hard Mom, but remember you've had a great life away from Stars Hollow. Just think if you hadn't left you would have never met Larry or had Nicolas and Lucy," Rory reminds her.

"I know." Lorelai walks over to the movies and picks up her copy of The Way We Were. "Sweetie, I'm going to relax for a bit. I'll call you later."

"Okay, I love you."

"Ditto. Send the hubby and kids my love."

"Will do."

She hangs up her phone and flips over the movie, reading the summary on the back once again, not that she as to after memorizing it years ago. Lorelai stares at the picture of Barbara Streisand on the back, recalling the ending of the movie. She can see the look on Katie's face as she runs into Hubbell after all those years apart and she feels for her.

"Oh Katie, how did you manage?" Lorelai wonders aloud.


	2. To Win Back Your Love Again

**Notes:**

Thanks to all readers and especially reviewers! I glad you guys are liking this story so far!**  
**

**uscrocks **- I'm not sure you're ever going to know who Rory married. Rory will be in the story in some parts, but I'm not sure she'll ever talk about who she married.

**LorLukealways **- I assure you it will be worth the wait. Glad you're liking When Hearts Collide.

**litizreal **- Thanks for the compliment!

**ACE5203 **- I hope you will continue reading. Like I said, the concept is a little sad, but the story itself is not. Remember, things are not always what they seem.

**GilmoreLover **- All of your questions will be answered in this chapter. Thanks for the review.

**sarahb2007 **- Oh I have faith. They will get back together on the show. How soon is unclear but they will. I have no fear there. This is just a what if kind of thing, it's not at all what I think will happen. That's why I wrote **Reparations **first, I really think what we'll see in S7 will be closer to that than this story. Much closer. Maybe one leaves Stars Hollow for a time but not for this long.

**flirtswithdisaster **- Well of course it's not what I want to happen on the show or what I expect to happen. See above.

**JJFanatic **- I love the Way We Were. It was one of my favorite movies before I even started watching Gilmore Girls.

**smileyGGfan **- I didn't choose the name Larry. Sookie actually says a few lines later in that episode that she feels the other guy's name would be Larry. I wouldn't have chosen Larry, LG's dad's name is Larry. Coinkidink. Nicolas actually went through many many names in my mind, I'm not sure I can remember them all, but it took me forever to decide on his name. All the other names were just there for me. Note on Rory's husband is above. Glad you're liking it so far and that you're liking the flashbacks, I think that's been one of my favorite things about writing this fic.

* * *

**Chapter 2: To Win Back Your Love Again **

The Dragonfly Inn seems quieter than she remembered when Lorelai walks up to the door the next morning. She pauses on the porch remembering the night of the test run, the memory still strong as if it had just happened.

_And I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment._

_There was! There was a moment. What are you doing?_

_Would you just stand still?_

Lorelai reaches up and touches her lips, still remembering how it felt, that first kiss, that first moment when she thought everything she always dreamed of was right in front of her. And it had been.

Shaking her head, Lorelai lets the memory go and walks in the inn. Michel is over at the receptionist desk, his back to her as he whines to someone on the phone, making it easy for her to slip right by him. She pauses only for a moment to smile, knowing that Michel had never changed.

She makes her way through the library and dining room to the kitchen, taking a wiff of the wonderful aroma of the food being eaten.

Taking a deep breath, Lorelai opens the door to the kitchen and walks in.

The five staff members are rushing around, finishing breakfast and trying to get started on lunch. Sookie is yelling directions at them all while decorating a three layered cake, for what Lorelai figures is an upcoming wedding.

"Sookie," she says solemnly, causing Sookie's eyes to fly open. Sookie glances over at Lorelai in shock.

"Lorelai!" Sookie squeals, throwing her arms in the air, dropping the frosting and almost knocking over the cake, which one of the staff members thankfully steadies. Sookie rushes over to Lorelai, throwing her arms around her. Lorelai hugs her friend back. "You're here!"

"I am!" Lorelai agrees.

"I can't believe you're here!" Sookie cries.

"Well you'd better because I'm no ghost!"

"Oh my God!" Sookie squeals, hugging Lorelai again.

"Well, it's nice to know I was missed," Lorelai says sincerely.

"Oh you." Sookie smacks her arm playfully. She takes Lorelai's hand leading her over to the cutting table and opens the refrigerator taking out a bowl of chocolates and sets it on the table. "Here, try these, I made them yesterday." Lorelai takes one and tastes it.

"Oh my God, that is amazing. Sookie you haven't lost your touch." Sookie smiles.

"I haven't, have I?" Sookie murmurs proudly. Lorelai takes another chocolate. "So, why are you suddenly here?" Sookie wonders.

"Well I was standing in the doorway and you grabbed my arm and dragged me over." Sookie hits her arm again.

"No, silly, I mean here, in Stars Hollow."

"Oh, well I finally decided to sell my house and I wanted to get it ready for sale," Lorelai explains for the second time in two days, knowing full well it won't be the last time.

"Aw, you're selling it? I thought you loved that house."

"I did, Sookie. I did. But I've lived in San Francisco for fifteen years. And it's been here all alone. Rory lived there for awhile and then Lane when she had that big fight with Zach and whoever Rory rented it out to but no one's lived there in a year and I hate to see that place be lonely. It needs to be lived in," Lorelai says.

"So why don't you live in it?" Sookie suggests. Lorelai sighs.

"I can't Sookie, I live in California," Lorelai reminds her.

"But you could move back, what's keeping you there?"

"Well Nicolas and Lucy are there."

"But they could move back too, oh I know they'd love Stars Hollow," Sookie says.

"Oh they would, they really would. Nicolas is so definitely a small town kinda kid and Lucy hates it in San Fran now that Larry's gone."

"Yeah, how's that going? You still doing okay?" Sookie asks sympathetically, laying a comforting hand on Lorelai's arm..

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've had some time to get over it, and it wasn't like we weren't prepared. It's just different. I mean, we were married for years…" Sookie nods.

"So why don't you move back?" Sookie asks again. Lorelai shrugs.

"Don't you think it would be weird?"

"For who? You? Or for…" Sookie trails off, leaving Lorelai to get her obvious hint.

She knows this is only the beginning. Everyone's going to ask. Everyone's going to wonder. For years town gossip swirled around the ups and downs of her relationship with Luke. Though fifteen years had passed, she knows there's no reason for that to change. They'll still be interested. They'll still want to know. And to think that at one point that had thrilled her, just knowing that she and Luke were the 'it' couple. They were Warren Beatty and Annette Benning. They were the couple that everyone wanted to know about. They were the couple that single members of Stars Hollow had wanted their future relationships to be like. But she just doesn't want that anymore. Living their relationship in front of the town was only one of the reasons that she had ended up hurt and confused and left town.

"Sookie," Lorelai says warningly. "I mean come on, I lived here for 20 years of my life too. And that house, I mean that was where I raised Rory. It would be odd to have Nicolas and Lucy grow up there now, especially because they're Larry's kids. He never even saw that house. No one ever lived there but me and Rory… and…" Lorelai looks down, hesitating on his name, remembering that technically he had never lived there.

"So it would be a little weird," Sookie recognizes.

"I don't know, Sookie. I'd have to think about it. I mean, I have a great job there."

"But you're still part owner of this place, we may have hired Leslie but you could always come back. I'm sure Leslie would like a change of pace now that she's engaged," Sookie says.

"Probably so. I remember how hard it was to run an inn and plan other people's weddings while trying to plan your own." Sookie raises an eyebrow.

"Are you talking about Max or Luke?" Sookie asks.

"What?" Lorelai shakes her head quickly. "Max, definitely Max. We planned my wedding to Luke at the diner in one day, remember?"

_Do you know who I am?_

_Of course I know who you are_

_Who am I Luke?_

_You're Sookie._

_No, Luke, I'm not Sookie. I'm Sookie BFOTB!_

_What?_

_Best friend of the bride!_

"Have you been there yet?" Sookie asks. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No. I got here yesterday afternoon and I wasn't ready. I just straightened up the house some, started going through some things," Lorelai replies.

"Did you stay at your house?" Lorelai nods.

"Yeah my furniture was in storage until the last tenants moved out and then I had them moved it back in so my bed's never been slept in except by me." Lorelai purses her lips. "And Luke." She sighs again. Every moment that goes by, she's starting to realize how hard it's going to be to go into that diner.

"You should go over there," Sookie says.

"I'm going to."

"Now?" Sookie asks. Lorelai looks away. "Lorelai, you can't put it off forever. It's easier just to grab the band-aid and rip it off."

"But what if I bleed?" Sookie shrugs.

"At least you'll know you tried," Sookie says.

"Right." Lorelai nods. "Right." She eats another chocolate. "Well, I'm going to go run a few errands, call the kids and check on them and I'll come back later after dinner."

"Okay." Sookie nods. "Hey." Sookie touches Lorelai's arm. "Take the chocolates, they'll make you feel better." Lorelai picks up the bowl, dumping some into a plastic bag and putting it in her purse.

"Thanks." Lorelai hugs Sookie again.

"I'm glad you're back, I missed you."

"Yeah it's not the same over the phone," Lorelai agrees.

* * *

The bells above the door signal Lorelai's entrance into the diner. 

She takes a moment and glances around the place, taking it all in. Of all the memories she had from her time in Stars Hollow, some of the best took place right in this diner.

She can still smell the paint from the time she convinced Luke to paint the diner. Though things named Christopher got in their way, Lorelai still painted the diner and was greeted with a thankful smile from Luke when he saw what she had done.

_What do you think?_

_I think you shouldn't break and enter._

_So what do you think?_

_Well I gotta admit- it looks pretty good._

She remembers the burger he made her on the night her father went into the hospital. The Santa burger she had called it. It looked absolutely delicious and disgustingly revolting at the same time. And that made her smile, that he cared enough to give make her food that he would never let anyone eat, much less take the time to make for anyone else.

_No one has ever made me something quite this disgusting before. I thank you._

But the memory that burns brightest in her mind is the night that she proposed. She sat in the chair just to her right, looking up at him, knowing he was the only one she could depend on at that moment, loving him more than she ever had before. Realizing that the man in front of her was the most loving, dependable, caring, true, honest man she had ever known and he loved her and he loved her daughter. And he was the only one she had ever really wanted to marry. It was an incredible night. A night that included one of the worst moments of her life and one of the best moments of her life.

_Luke, will you marry me?_

_What?_

_Luke, will you –_

_Yes._

_Well you don't have to answer so –_

_Yes._

_Well you can take a minute to –_

_No._

And a tear comes to her eye as she remembers that the night she proposed was the night everything began to fall apart.

Finally she lifts her eyes to the man standing behind the counter.

The bells in the midafternoon have caused him to look up from his toaster fixing, as it is unusual for someone to come in at that hour, unless the customer's name is Kirk.

"Lorelai," Luke whispers in shock, setting his screwdriver down on the counter. He struggles to maintain his stoic composure after his first glimpse in fifteen years of the woman he had once promised to cherish forever.

"Hi Luke," she answers softly.

"I didn't ever expect to see you again," Luke finally grumbles after a moment. Lorelai shrugs.

"I'm not sure I ever expected to come back," she realizes. Lorelai slowly walks up to the counter, settling herself on the stool in front of him as Luke is unable to take his eyes off of her.

"Coffee?" he finally asks.

"You remembered." Lorelai smiles, a little uneasily.

"Well your coffee fixation was hammered into my brain for 10 years, I think I can at least remember that." Luke sets a mug in front of her and pours some coffee in it. She lifts the mug to her lips, slowly drinking, her eyes closed as she tastes the familiar liquid.

"Mmmmm… still good."

"Coffee doesn't change," Luke remarks.

"So… how are you?" Lorelai asks.

"I'm doing well. How's… Larry?" Lorelai looks down, tensely playing with the rings on her finger.

"He…" She sighs and glances up at him, pursing her lips. She doesn't even know what to say, how to explain it.

"Sorry to hear that," Luke says softly, not needing to hear to the words to know what she's trying to say. He lightly touches her hand for a split second, quickly drawing his hand away as if he had touched a flame.

"It's okay. We were ready for it. He was sick for awhile. The kids had their time to say goodbye," Lorelai says.

"Well Mike and the Mechanics would appreciate that." Lorelai nods and then looks up at him confused.

"Luke, how did you know about Larry?" she asks.

"I don't know. Lane? Rory? I'm not completely shut out of the gossip mill." Lorelai grins. "Yeah, I heard you married him, Larry. And that you had some kids."

"Yeah, Nicolas, he's fifteen, and Lucy, she's fourteen," she replies.

"You always were a good mother." Luke's eyes smile back at her, reminding her of when he said that so many years ago.

_You'll make a great dad._

_You make a great mom._

"Thanks," Lorelai says softly. The moment of still silence causes each of them to tense.

"So how is Rory?" Luke finally asks as Lorelai drinks some more coffee.

"She's good. She loves it in DC and she loves being a mother," Lorelai replies.

"Which makes you a grandmother." Lorelai groans.

"Don't remind me. I detest that word. I try to get the kids to call me other things like Nanners or Big L, something hip, cuz I'm the cool granny."

"Big L?" Luke asks.

"Yeah, cuz Rory's eldest is also Lorelai. When Lily was first born, I flew out to DC and helped Rory out for awhile. I nicknamed her Lil L, which is where her nickname, Lily, came from," Lorelai explains.

"So couldn't they just call you Big?" Luke jokes.

"I suppose they could, but I really wouldn't appreciate it," Lorelai responds with a shake of her head. Luke grins.

"So, what brings you to Stars Hollow?"

"Oh, I decided to sell the house so I came back just to fix things up, you know…" Lorelai shrugs, already tired of telling the story.

"You're going to sell your home? But you love that place!"

"I did," Lorelai corrects him. "But it's been empty a year." She shrugs again. "Things change." They share a look.

"Yeah, they do," Luke agrees softly.

"I mean for some people, but you… not so much." Luke raises an eyebrow. "This place is exactly the same and I bet if I went upstairs your apartment would be the same."

"I changed the specials," Luke tells her, pointing. She looks over and notices that his new special is the tuna melt.

"Wow," Lorelai deadpans.

_What can I get you?_

_You have a new special._

_I sure do._

_Nice. What is the special omelet?_

_You won't like it._

_How do you know?_

_Because you've been eating here for years and I know what you like and you won't like it._

Lorelai glances back up at the chalkboard and smirks. She hated the tuna melt too. "And I live in a townhouse over on Spring," Luke adds, pointing with a thumb at the street behind him. "With my daughter." Lorelai's eyes go wide.

"Your… daughter? Oh, you mean April." Luke chuckles.

"No, Lorelai, fifteen years have passed, April's 27," Luke reminds her.

"Oh, right," Lorelai covers, blushing. In her mind April has always been that twelve year old girl having an in depth conversation with herself about whether she should put rice in the salt shakers.

"My daughter Loren. She's 14, like yours."

"Wow, I didn't know. Guess you're more up on the Hollow gossip than I am."

"Well I live here," Luke reminds her.

"Yeah, but you never knew anything." Luke smiles. "So… Loren… and your wife too?" Luke shakes his head, clearing his throat.

"No, uh, Mandy died, during childbirth."

"Oh Luke…" Lorelai shakes her head sadly, wanting to touch his hand, but afraid, remembering both of their reactions the last time. So she just gives him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry."

"Well, I miss her, but it has been 14 years so…" He shrugs it off.

"How is April?" Lorelai asks, changing the subject.

"She's good. She actually lives out in DC too. Well, Bethesda but it's close. She works at NIH." Lorelai looks impressed.

"Wow, that's cool. Glad to hear she's happy and doing well." They share a look, remembering Lorelai once shouting in the heat of an argument that she couldn't care less about April. At that point both of them knew that it wasn't true, but for Luke it hurt all the same. She looks down, drinking some more coffee. "So, you going to the festival tomorrow?" Lorelai asks. Luke sighs.

"I heard there was another one of those damn things. Jeez… you would think Stars Hollow would run out of money sometime," he grumbles.

"So I take it that's a no." He sighs.

"I'll probably have to. Loren loves those stupid gatherings of the insane."

"She can get you to go?" Lorelai asks, surprised.

"She's got amazing powers of persuasion, as once, did you."

"Ah a girl after my own heart," Lorelai teases and then realizes what she just said. She becomes flustered, both of them doing their best to make small talk while remaining stoic.

"Are you going?" Luke asks.

"I might stop by. I'm sure by now my arrival has made the Stars Hollow webpage so I'll be expected. I'm just not sure how many more times I can explain why I came, where the kids are, what I've been doing, what happened with Larry and more importantly why I'm back."

"Well that's what you get for staying away for so long," Luke remarks.

"If I remember correctly, you were the one who told me to leave," Lorelai retorts, harsher than she intended. A flaccid look comes over Luke's face. Lorelai closes her eyes, wanting just to put the words right back in her mouth. "Sorry," she whispers timidly looking up at him. Luke shrugs, as if he doesn't care.

"I did say that," Luke recalls. He shakes it off, taking a deep breath.

"You know I stayed away because things just happened out in San Fran. I met Larry. I had Nicolas. You know that I would have come back otherwise," Lorelai says, trying to placate him. She's not sure it's really the truth. She's not sure if she would have ever come back if Larry hadn't died. She's not sure how much she would have put herself through before ever walking in this diner again.

"Do I know that?" Luke asks, as if reading her thoughts. Lorelai looks down at her coffee cup. Both of them notice it's now empty. "More?" Lorelai takes a deep breath and shakes her head.

"No, I'd better get back home." They both realize that she called the house 'home'. She smiles nervously. "It was good seeing you. You look good." Luke grins. Lorelai rolls her eyes. "And we're back to 5th grade…"

_You know you always look good._

_Yeah?_

_I mean you always look healthy._

_Okay._

_But now you don't look healthy. You look.._

_Unhealthy._

_Yes._

_Okay._

_Oh what? So I said you look good. We're not in 5th grade. 'You look good', big deal. Stop staring at me._

"You look good too, Lorelai. You always did," Luke says softly. They gaze at each other, Lorelai blushing at his words. But her cell phone goes off, interrupting their moment. Luke points behind him at the 'no cell phones' sign. Lorelai laughs as she takes the phone out of her purse.

"I was right, you never change." She sees that it's Lucy calling. "Well, kid's calling. I'll see ya around." Lorelai waves as she walks out, answering the phone. Luke watches her leave, his shoulders finally relaxing, wishing it could have been easier, wishing it hadn't been fifteen years, wishing for just a second that he had never let her go all those years ago.


	3. Love, Only Love

**Notes:**

**Thank you to all my reviewers! I'm so glad you're liking this fic! **

**Amina **- Thank you so much for your comliments! Your reivew meant a lot to me! I'm glad you're reading my current fics even though two of them are post-Partings. I promise that after this my next few fics will be not post season 6 fics.

**LorLukealways **- I hope that was a compliment :)

**hollywoodgrl **- And you know me and conflict, like a fly to light. Or whatever... Glad you're liking it.

**sarahb2007 **- Don't think that! Luke and Lorelai will get back together next season! That's why I wrote Reparations! They got together in that one! Yes, this story will have a happy ending. Of course it will, I'm a JavaJunkie!

**smileyGGfan **- Well, who would you want to be Rory's husband? It's not really important in the whole LL storyline but I could always have Rory just slip it in. I usually pair her with Marty just cuz I don't like to pick between Dean, Jess and Logan and I thought Marty was cute. I think there's more of a concidence than that their daughters are both 14...

**I know I'm doing a lot of angsty fics right now but, hey, that's what I was left with with the end of the season. I promise not all of my stories are like this. I'm working on a few things here or there that aren't this way.**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Love, Only Love **

The next day Lorelai is standing outside her house just looking at the view. She glances up at the roof and can almost see Luke up there.

She remembers the moment he asked to move in to the house, to make it their house. And she told him to come down off the roof so she can kiss him. Even though, at the time, all that she could concentrate on was the emptiness in her heart because Rory had moved out, she felt it fill just slightly knowing that Luke would be there, that he wanted to be there. She remembers that Luke was the only thing that kept her going during those months without Rory and she'll always be grateful to him for that.

_Here? You want to live here?_

_Sure. I don't have a lot of stuff. We just need a little more closet space, a bigger bathroom, a bigger bedroom._

_I always wanted a bigger bedroom!_

_Well it looks like we can do it!_

_Well, what about the Twickham House?_

_Too damn big. We can get along fine here for awhile. Maybe forever. You love this house._

_I do love this house!_

_I know, I figured that out from your sudden interest in laying down tracks and becoming a painter._

_Come on down here so I can kiss you! All of you_.

And she wonders if there's a Frisbee up there.

"Lorelai! Hey Lorelai!" Babette calls, walking out of her house. Lorelai glances over at her and smiles.

"Hey Babette."

"Wow, Sugar, you do age well. I wish I had just a little bit of what makes your skin so fine."

"Oh, damn, you should have mentioned it earlier, I just gave away my last case of Lorelai Skin Gene Lotion." Babette walks over and hugs Lorelai.

"Man have I missed you Darling. Not that those tenants of yours weren't fantastic. They planted the bulbs I gave them and you should have the beautiful tulips that grew. I tell ya."

"Did they have color coming out of their ying-yang?" Lorelai teases.

"Oh yeah, you should've seen it!" Lorelai laughs. "I just couldn't believe it when Patty told me you had come back. But yet, here you are."

"Surprised?"

"Boy, I almost had a heart attack. You gotta be careful, I coulda sued ya!"

"But you wouldn't do that, would you?" Lorelai asks innocently.

"Not to a sweet girl like you. Maybe someone like that Tilly. She's not to be trusted!" Lorelai's eyes go wide.

"Oh, I'll keep that in mind, Babette," Lorelai says as Sookie pulls up. Lorelai waves to her as Sookie gets out of the car.

"Well I should leave you two girls to your fun. I just wanted to come over and tell ya I missed ya." Lorelai smiles at the word 'girls'.

"Well I missed you too Babette," Lorelai says, hugging Babette again. Sookie walks over.

"You're really going to give this place up?" Babette asks. Lorelai folds her arms over her chest, looking back at the house again. "You can't give this place up, there's too many memories here Lorelai." Lorelai shakes her head.

"But I can't afford to own it anymore," Lorelai says.

"If you moved back here, you could," Sookie tells her. Lorelai purses her lips, seriously beginning to consider the idea. "Come on, Lorelai. You have nothing keeping you back in California except the kids." Lorelai nods, a lump forming in her throat, realizing that hadn't really made much of a life in California to hold onto. But here, in Stars Hollow, there was so much, there were so many people that had made an impression on her life, so many places filled with memories. That's what she couldn't give up. More than this house, which she truly loves, it is this town that would be the hardest thing to leave behind forever.

"Maybe," Lorelai whispers.

"Well I should go, Morey wants to take our new baby, Creamsicle, on a walk." Babette waves and walks away. Sookie touches Lorelai's arm. Lorelai gives Sookie a look.

"You wanna go on a walk?" Sookie asks. "Get away from here?" Lorelai nods. "Come on, let's go watch the parade." Sookie begins to walk away as Lorelai glances back at the house sadly.

"He made an ice rink," Lorelai says softly. Sookie looks at Lorelai curiously, having never heard this story before. "Luke did. I went through this terrible day and announced I hated snow and Luke made me an ice rink. He said he felt that he had made me wage war on snow and he wouldn't want to make me hate something I loved."

"So he made you an ice rink." Lorelai nods.

"He wanted to get me and snow back together." Lorelai sighs remembering that day.

_What is this?_

_It's an ice rink._

_An ice rink? How did this happen?_

_Jack Frost brought it._

_Does he look a little like Luke Danes?_

_A little. Not as handsome._

_You made me an ice rink?_

_It's just a rink in a box. You set it up, you fill it with water, it's not a big deal._

_It is a big deal, it's a very big deal._

Sookie watches Lorelai stare at the spot on the ground that once held an ice rink. "I can't give up this house," Lorelai finally decides. "I'll call the kids and get them to fly out here."

"I think you're doing the right thing for all three of you, Lorelai," Sookie says. "They probably need to get away from a place that only reminds them of their father." Lorelai nods and then motions with her head and they begin their walk to town.

"I went to the diner," Lorelai confides. Sookie looks over at her.

"How did that go?" Lorelai shrugs.

"Fine, I guess. I shouldn't have expected everything to be the same fifteen years later. He's moved on. He got married and had a kid."

"Well so did you, two kids actually," Sookie reminds her. Lorelai takes a deep breath letting it out slowly, her mind other places.

"What was she like?" Lorelai asks.

"Who? You mean Mandy?"

"No, his other wife, I course I mean Mandy!" Both of them ignoring the fact that Luke was once married to Nicole.

"She was… amazing."

"Amazing," Lorelai repeats, disbelief in her voice. "That's all you can come up with?" Sookie shrugs. "That's like calling someone nice."

"She was nice too." Lorelai rolls her eyes.

"Yes but not descriptive. Was she like Rachel?" Lorelai asks.

"Oh no, you were more like Rachel," Sookie says, her eyes wide. Lorelai wrinkles her nose in disgust.

"Oh thanks."

"I thought you liked Rachel!"

"She was all right," Lorelai replies half heartedly. Sookie shakes her head.

"You should have listened to me at the Bangles concert," Sookie tells her.

"You were very observant." Lorelai notes

"Ummm… hello? I said you wanted to be with Luke, that's not called being observant that's called being alive." Lorelai sighs, motioning for Sookie to get back on topic. "Mandy was devoted, I think that's the best word for her."

"You mean in the way that Rachel and I weren't?" Lorelai purses her lips. "We both left him, so I guess that would apply."

"No, I mean like she was really devoted. From the moment they got together, she practically lived her life to please him," Sookie says. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.

"And he liked that?" Sookie shrugs.

"I think he appreciated it. I mean she did it because she loved him," Sookie says. Lorelai looks down, crossing her arms over her chest. "I think he liked that he didn't have to work hard to make their relationship work."

"Must have been a relief after me," Lorelai mumbles. Sookie gives her a look. "Do you think he loved her?" Sookie sighs.

"Lorelai, I really couldn't tell you. Did you really love Larry?" Lorelai's eyes go wide as she grows silent. Sookie gives Lorelai a moment to come up with some answer, but sees that Lorelai doesn't really want to talk about that.

She remembers one time telling someone that Luke was the only man she ever loved.

_I don't think I ever really loved anyone...until Luke._

She remembers the first time he told her he loved her. She remembers the last time he told her that he loved her. But what hurts most is remembering the last time she had told him that she loved him. She had said it so emphatically, trying to get the point across, trying to make him understand that those were the hardest words she ever had to say but she wanted him to know. He had been the only person to ever make her want to say those words and allow herself to be vulnerable.

_Don't you love me?_

_You know I do._

_But I love you Luke. I love you!_

And a lump forms in her throat as she thinks about this. Walking away after saying that had been the hardest thing she had ever done.

"So, did I tell you that Davey's planning on going to Ohio State Univeristy next year?" Sookie asks, switching topics, noticing Lorelai drifting away. Lorelai doesn't respond for a moment until she actually hears Sookie's words.

"No. Wow, that's a random university."

"He got a football scholarship."

"Really? Wow, Sookie, that's fantastic. I'm so excited for him!" Lorelai exclaims.

"Yeah, he's really excited."

"Well maybe we should start watching football."

"Maybe we should figure out the rules first," Sookie says and giggles.

"They grow up so fast," Lorelai realizes. Sookie nods.

"I never imagined it, but my baby boy grew up. And Martha's so tall, it's hard to believe she's my daughter."

"Unlike my kids, who all look like carbon copies of myself. I swear, you can't see their fathers in any of them." Sookie frowns.

"Lorelai, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"If you hadn't had Nicolas, if you hadn't gotten pregnant, would you have stayed out there? Would you have married Larry?" Sookie asks. They pause in the town square, waiting for the parade. Lorelai purses her lips, glancing over at the diner, squinting into the sun.

"I didn't marry Larry because I got pregnant with Nicolas," Lorelai says softly.

"But you were pregnant with Nicolas when you got married." Lorelai huffs, looking back over at Sookie.

"Yeah, I was. But that's not why I got married," Lorelai insists. Sookie looks conflicted but shrugs.

"But did you…" Sookie trails off as they hear the music of the parade approaching. Lorelai grabs Sookie's hand and they run over to the sidewalk, clapping and cheering as the parade passes. Lorelai's eyes slowly drift back up to the diner. Luke stands at the window, watching the parade, his hands folded across his chest. His eyes catch Lorelai's for a second and she gives him a slight smile. Luke nods back, a hint of a smile in his eyes, then he turns and walks away.

"This town is our town. This town is so glamorous," Lorelai whispers, tearing her eyes from the diner to watch the apples walking by. Her eyes are misty as she remembers that moment all those years ago, when she thought she finally had it.

The moment when she realized that she was starting something magical, something that might change the rest of her life.

_So we'll hook up later, maybe._

_We'll hook up later. Definitely._

And though it did change her life, she didn't change with it and the magic disappeared.


	4. Can Bring Back Your Love Someday

**Notes:**

Can I just say that now that I'm finally able to watch Lorelai's speech in Sidekick and have watched it a couple times, I notice myself saying June 3rd with her everytime. I mean I did it the first time before I even knew she was going to say it, but everytime since when she says 'you know what date I'm not getting married?' I always feel the urge to say June 3rd right along with her in the same voice. Craziness.

**Cambria84** - I think that's exactly the outlook we all should have.

**ACE5203 **- Yup. Go Bucks!

**hollywoodgrl **- Yup, you'll find out why Lorelai married Larry and all of that as well as why Luke married Mandy by the end of the fic.

**smileyGGfan **- Maybe it will be Marty. I just love him. And it's better than readers going well why didn't you pick Logan or why didn't you pick Jess, because picking Marty is like picking someone we don't know except that Rory does know him. (Confusing, yes?) I don't know about the whole Lorelai's son and Luke's daughter thing, although he is only a year older than Loren. Hehe, reminiscing about Davey, it was like me reminiscing about Lane when she got married, like I was her mom or something. And it was a little shorter, but not as short as some of my chapters from other fics, I think this one's the longest so far and there's a lot of long chaps in this fic.

* * *

**  
**

** Chapter 4: Can Bring Back Your Love Someday**

She spent the rest of the day back at her house going through boxes upon boxes. It was amazing to her how much she had saved from those years. On top of the thousands of videos and CDs, Lorelai had to sift though mountains of concert tickets, photographs and to-do lists.

She had taken a few minutes to call Lucy and Nicolas to make sure they had packed and were going to be ready for their neighbor, Randy, to take them to the airport the next day. Lorelai knew that she should have flown back to California on her own to help them pack, but once she had arrived and walked around town, she knew there was nowhere else she'd rather be. In fact, she was willing to forget about everything back in San Francisco and just live with what she had brought and what she had saved. The only important parts of her life out West were getting on a plane the next day and flying out to meet her.

When she called the kids and told them of the new arrangement, both had been surprisingly willing to go along with the plan. Lorelai knew that the place in California held too many memories of Larry but she still thought they would put up a fight. She thought they would miss their friends, their school, their usual patterns. And she remembered what that had once been like for her. Her arrival in San Francisco. Her search for the perfect coffee. Her hunt for a job. Everything had been different, everything had felt out of place.

But now Lorelai had come back to Stars Hollow and she felt like she belonged again. She could already see things more clearly and felt she could breathe easier. And only for a moment did she wonder if she was right in staying away for so long.

After spending all that time working on the house, making sure it was ready for Nicolas and Lucy's arrival, Lorelai needed to take a break. She stood from the middle of the floor of Rory's room, possibly the cleanest room in the house since over the years Rory had taken most things with her to DC. She bent over, brushing off her jeans and walked outside to get a breath of fresh air.

Glancing around the familiar front yard, Lorelai saw it. It had been in the corner of her eye when she had first pulled up in the drive. She had tried to ignore it when she admired her house from the yard. But it was time.

Lorelai sauntered over to the beautiful chuppah, still looking newly built after all those years. She reached out and let her fingers glide over the smooth wood, softly touching the flowers and birds and Gilbert, the goat. Standing under it, she could still remember what it had felt like that day, standing next to Luke under the chuppah that he had made for her, their shoulders touching, both lost in thought, each contemplating the wedding that supposed to occur, each feeling something drawing them to each other instead of towards their counterparts.

_No one has ever made me a chuppah before_

_Well you only get married once. Theoretically._

_Yeah, you only get married once._

And she did. She got married once. And Luke got married, well, twice.

She smiles to herself, realizing that Luke had proved himself wrong.

Her cell phone rings, startling her. Lorelai realizes that she's put her phone in her back pocket and takes it out, glancing at it. It's Emily. Lorelai quickly drops the phone like a hot potato.

"I'm not dealing with that today," she says to herself, still recalling the times her mother had harassed her for not coming back, for not giving Lucy and Nicolas the chance to fly to Connecticut to spend time with their grandparents and instead making Emily and Richard fly to California, not that they couldn't afford it.

_This house does have a certain charm. It feels very homey. I can see you and Luke here._

Just remembering the moment that she realized Emily had finally accepted Luke in her life, Lorelai tears up. It is still amazing to her that just when Emily had finally acquiesced to give him a chance, Luke had pulled away more than ever before. She wonders for a moment if Emily had already seen what was happening between her and Luke, that he had started to pull away, and just wanted to drive home the point.

Lorelai shakes her head, covering her face with her hands, knowing she shouldn't be trying to blame Emily for what happened. No matter what her mother had done in the past, she had not had any influence on the final breakup between her and Luke. In fact, Emily had been one of the few trying to figure out how she and Luke could fix things before their relationship was irreparably destroyed.

_Lorelai, you and Luke are in a relationship, you're going to be husband and wife and Sissy's his daughter._

_No, no, no. That was Sissy. April is his daughter._

_You know what I mean, you have to have a relationship with this girl. It's imperative._

_Mom, you don't know the whole story._

_But I know your handiwork when I see it. Playing cautious when you should be diving in. That girl is his blood relation and you need to get to know her. You'll be in her life for the rest of your life._

_Mom, it isn't just me._

_I can't believe Luke is letting you get away with this. The sooner you embrace your role in this girl's life, the better off you'll be, mark my words. _

Her phone rings again, bringing her out of her reverie. Lorelai bends down and picks it up. Seeing that it's Sookie, she answers the phone. "Hey Sook," she greets her best friend.

"Hey, Jackson and I are heading towards the festival if you want to join us," Sookie says.

"That way I won't be mobbed by the reporters of Star Magazine when I get there?" Lorelai responds. Sookie laughs.

"Oh I can't promise that one. If fact, I might be able to guarantee that if you come, you're going to have to talk to them." Lorelai laughs.

"Yeah, I know." She smiles to herself glancing over at Babette's house. "But it will be nice to see them after all this time. Sookie, I had no idea," Lorelai admits. "I had no idea how much I missed this town of ours until I came back."

"Well then you'll be pleased to know that the town missed you just as much."

"Thanks, Sook. I'm going to head on over there, see you soon."

"Ta," Sookie responds and hangs up. Lorelai hangs up the phone, glancing once more over at the chuppah. Scratching her head, Lorelai walks towards the house to grab a light jacket before heading over to the center of town.

* * *

Upon her arrival in town square, Lorelai pauses, just taking everything in. She can see the bonfire in the center of the square and rows and rows of pumpkins. The gazebo is nicely decorated in oranges and reds and there are piles of fake leaves all around that kids are jumping in. And Lorelai smiles to herself. 

"How did I ever give this up?" she wonders aloud.

"Lorelai! Lorelai! Over here!" Patty calls. Lorelai takes a deep breath, trying to be courageous, and walks towards Patty and the rest of the gang. "Lorelai, the moment I heard you were back in town, I've been just dying to see you!" Patty exclaims, putting an arm around a slightly uneasy Lorelai.

"Oh well, that's why I came. Just to see everyone," Lorelai responds.

"I told Patty that you had decided to move back here, Sugar," Babette tells her. Lorelai nods.

"Uh huh, that's right. It's official. Lorelai Gilmore is back," Lorelai announces.

"Is it still Gilmore? I mean, I had heard you had gotten married," Andrew wonders. Lorelai blushes and shrugs.

"Well, yeah, still Gilmore. I never changed my name."

"She's one of those modern women," Patty remarks with pride in her voice.

"That's better than saying she just hated his last name. What was it Finkleshnitz or something?" Gypsy asks.

"No," Lorelai replies with a shake of her head, her voice more solemn than before. "His last name was O'Donnell."

"What're you doing bringing him up like that? The poor girl's husband just died," Patty reminds Gypsy, squeezing Lorelai's shoulder. Lorelai gives her a faint smile, folding her arms over her chest.

"No, it's okay," Lorelai answers agreeably, lightly touching Gypsy's arm before refolding hers over her chest. "It's fine. Really. It's been a few months and I really don't mind talking about it."

"And the kids are coming too right?" Babette asks. Lorelai nods.

"The kids are coming too. They spent the day packing up their things and they'll fly in tomorrow," Lorelai responds.

"Oh I can't wait! It's been so long since I had kids living next door. Not since Rory was little. She was the sweetest little thing!" Babette exclaims. Lorelai grins.

"Yes, she was. You'll like Lucy and Nicolas too, I promise."

"Well if they look anything like you and Rory, I'm sure they're adorable," Patty says. Lorelai blushes tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Well, you check 'em out Patty and let me know what you think," Lorelai suggests.

"You'd better be careful letting Patty around your son, Babydoll. She might do more than just check 'im out," Babette warns. Lorelai raises an eyebrow at Patty.

"Well now Patty, that would be illegal," Lorelai chastises her jokingly. She notices Sookie waving to her from a distance. "Anyways, it was good to see everyone again. I'm sure we'll have lots of time to catch up now that I'm staying." Lorelai smiles at them and begins to walk over to Sookie and Jackson.

"Hey Lorelai, just one more question," Patty says, stopping Lorelai by grabbing her arm.

"Hmmm?"

"You didn't happen to-" Lorelai grabs Patty's arm, cutting her off before she can finish her question.

"Patty, I'd really rather not talk about that," Lorelai tells her solemnly. Patty nods. Lorelai walks over to Sookie as Patty shares a concerned look with Babette. "Hey there Sooks!" Lorelai greets her friend. They hug. "Jackson! My man! You looked so much more handsome than I remembered!"

"It's not easy to look this good, you know," Jackson boasts, rubbing his knuckle on his chest. Lorelai and Sookie share a look both breaking out in giggles. Jackson just rolls his eyes. "Fine have your fun. But Lorelai, it is good to have you back." Lorelai nods, her face red from trying to hold in her giggles.

"Thank you Jackson," she manages, gasping for breath. She touches a hand to her chest as she slowly regains her normal breathing pattern. "Sorry about that, man have I missed you Jackson!" Jackson glowers in response. "So, how's the vegetable growing business?"

"It's going great actually. Davey helped get together a great tomato crop. I really don't know what I'm going to do without him next summer."

"Next summer? He's starting college in the summer? I mean Rory went to the genius school and they still started with all the others," Lorelai says.

"If he wants to be on the football team, he has to start in the summer," Sookie tells Lorelai. "Besides, Jackson has to learn how to get by without Davey doing half the work for him. And Jackson, there's no way you're ever getting Martha to help." Jackson looks down forlornly. Lorelai grins touching Jackson's arm.

"Jackson, I completely understand what you're going through. When Rory went to Yale, I had no idea how I was ever going to get my house cleaned for free again," Lorelai jokes. Jackson scowls. "Just get someone else, that's why I let Luke move in," Lorelai adds lightly. Sookie's eyes go wide at Lorelai's easy mention of Luke. Realizing what she just said, Lorelai grimaces. "So the tomatoes are going to be ripe soon?" Lorelai asks quickly, not wanting to dwell on her previous comment, although not really caring about Jackson's response to her question.

As Jackson starts to tell her about the tomato crop and Sookie continues interjecting, Lorelai's eyes travel over to the diner. "I thought you said you would go!" a girl yells, walking out of the diner, letting the door slam behind her. She pouts in front of the door, her arms folded over her chest. Lorelai watches the poor girl, who has been unable to convince her father to follow her wishes. She smiles to herself, remembering the countless times she had to convince him to do things he didn't want to do.

_And my final plea not to make me go to this thing tomorrow._

_You do not have to go._

_Fine. I'll go._

_I love it when I break you with just the sheer anticipation of a wear down!_

"Hey, I'll be right back," Lorelai quickly says to Sookie and Jackson, who barely notice as they are in the middle of one of their crazy arguments.

She walks over to the diner, all the while trying to come up with exactly what she should say. The girl looks up at Lorelai as she stops in front of the diner. "Couldn't get him to go?" Lorelai asks sympathetically. The girl shakes her head angrily.

"I know he would have fun if he'd ever give it a chance," the girl insists. Lorelai glances in the diner where Luke stands behind the counter filling salt shakers.

"Hang in there," Lorelai tells the girl, touching her arm and then walks in the diner.

"I already told you that I'm not going," Luke grumbles upon hearing the bells, not looking up to see who's walking in.

"Actually, you told me you probably would," Lorelai responds. Luke looks up, startled.

"I thought you were…"

"I know who you thought I was," Lorelai interrupts. They stare at each other a moment.

"I didn't realize you were still in town. I thought you'd be on the first flight back to California to be with your kids." Lorelai shrugs.

"Plans changed. I decided against selling the Crap Shack and I'm moving back," Lorelai tells him. Luke nods.

"That's good, I didn't like that you were going to sell that place." Lorelai smiles softly, recalling how Luke always just wanted her to be happy. "You want some coffee?"

"Yes I do, but no I can't. I have to get back to the festival and Luke you have to come." He scoffs, shaking his head.

"Fifteen years later and you still think you need to tell me what to do."

"I'm not trying to tell you what I think you should do, I'm telling you what you need to do," Lorelai responds. "You've got an upset kid out there Luke."

"You'd think after fourteen years, I would have learned a few things about being a father."

"And you have, I'm sure. But she's standing out there telling me that she wants you to go." Luke stops what he's doing and freezes.

"You – you talked to her?" Luke stammers. Lorelai looks at him like he's crazy.

"No, I ignored the angry child in front, shoved her aside and marched my way in here without even bothering to find out what she's upset about," Lorelai replies sarcastically.

"What did you tell her about yourself?" Luke asks.

"N-nothing."

"You didn't introduce yourself?" Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, I thought you could come out there and do that." Luke sighs. "Do I need to do the hairflip?" Lorelai asks, winking. Luke's expression softens, a hint of a smile on his face.

"Fine." Luke grabs his coat and heads out the door.

"Yes!" Lorelai exclaims, pumping her fist. "I knew I could break you!"

_The hair flip is that effective, huh?_

_Combine that with your black dress, you could probably get me to be your backup dancer._

_I'll remember that._

Lorelai smiles to herself, just remembering how well her powers once worked. She follows Luke out to where his daughter is standing. "Look who I brought!" Lorelai announces, pulling on the flannel covering Luke's arm. He gives Lorelai a dirty look.

"That's amazing!" the girl exclaims. Lorelai grins, nodding to Luke like he should be thanking her.

"Well try the hair flip sometime and you can get him to do whatever you want," Lorelai tells the girl.

"Um, I don't think that would work for her," Luke tells Lorelai, who stares at him a moment before realizing that a hair flip from his daughter really wouldn't work.

"Right." Luke sighs.

"Oh hey, Loren this is an old friend of mine, Lorelai. She used to live here years ago."

"Fifteen years ago," Lorelai interjects. Luke nods to her.

"Right, fifteen years ago. Anyways, we were friends back when she lived here. Oh you met Rory, right?" Loren nods.

"Yeah, a few times," Loren recalls.

"Yeah, Rory is Lorelai's daughter." Loren's eyes widen as she stares at Lorelai.

"Wow, haven't seen that look in awhile," Lorelai mutters.

"Oh, uh, Lorelai looks younger than she is," Luke stammers. Lorelai gives him a dirty look.

"Thank you for that," Lorelai responds sarcastically. She looks back at Loren and smiles. "Yes, Rory is my daughter, I was 16 when I had her."

"Right, that too," Luke adds shaking a finger towards Lorelai, too flustered to figure how to tell this whole story better than he did. Loren raises an eyebrow.

"Sixteen, wow," Loren utters breathlessly. She slowly glances from Lorelai to Luke.

"So, you ready to festival it?" Lorelai asks. Loren nods, not even noticing for a moment that Lorelai has made festival into a verb. "Come on!" Lorelai leads Loren and Luke over to where Sookie and Jackson still stand.

"Hey there, Sweetie, we were wondering where you went," Sookie says.

"Well I went to get the 6th dwarf to join us," Lorelai jokes. Luke rolls his eyes as Loren giggles.

"Man, she knows you Dad!" Loren exclaims. Luke glowers at Lorelai. "Hey, I'm going to go get some cider, you want some Dad?"

"I'd sooner jab a nail into my hand," Luke deadpans. Lorelai shakes her head in amazement.

"Okay, Lorelai?"

"Sure, I would love some and a nail, please," Lorelai quips. Loren laughs.

"I like her," Loren announces. Lorelai smiles. Luke takes a deep breath, unsure of what to say.

"You'd like my daughter too. She's coming tomorrow with my son. They're moving here too. I'll bring them by to meet you," Lorelai responds.

"That'd be great! Sookie, Jackson, cider?" Loren offers.

"No thank you, Sweetie, it'll keep Jackson up at night," Sookie responds. Loren nods. "Actually Jackson and I are going to head home. You three have a good time." Sookie wraps her arm through Jackson's and they leave.

"Kay that's two ciders and one nail, got it," Loren jokes and runs off. Luke and Lorelai watch her walk away, both glancing at each other after a moment. Lorelai draws in an uncomfortable breath and smiles slightly. She looks down, thinking about Luke past experiences as a father.

_I'm just saying let me be a part of it._

_No._

_Why?_

_Because it's too soon._

_Why is it too soon?_

_Because the minute you get involved in her life it will be all over for me._

_What? That's ridiculous._

_No, it's not ridiculous. You're colorful and funny. You're pratically a cartoon character. Kids love you! I wouldn't want to hang out withme after meeting you. _

_Luke!_

_She'll like you better, that is just a fact._

_No, you're her dad._

_Yes, I am her dad and this is the way I want it to be. _

_Okay. _

Lorelai looks back up at Luke, watching him watch Loren and smiles to herself. "You really are a great Dad," Lorelai tells him softly. Luke shrugs.

"She puts up with me," he replies modestly. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, she loves you. She respects you as a Dad." Luke nods, not sure of what to say. "I always said you'd be a great Dad."

"Yes, a few times if I remember. It wasn't until you found out I actually was a father that you changed your mind," Luke recalls. Lorelai looks away, hurt by his completely false response. She watches Loren joke with Lulu, who stands by the cider.

"Luke, what does she know about me?" Lorelai asks, looking back at Luke. He's watching Loren as well. He shrugs, uncomfortably.

"Not much," he responds then clears his throat. "Nothing at all actually." He runs his thumb across his forehead and then fixes the blue baseball cap on his head. Lorelai raises an eyebrow. "If she ever heard your name before today, it wasn't from me." Lorelai nods, pursing her lips. "What do Nick and Lucy know about me?" She smiles faintly.

"The same." She looks down. "They know I was engaged before their dad, but only to Max." She shrugs.

"What did Larry know?"

"Oh, you know, that I had been engaged to you, although I never told him your name. Just that I had been engaged, we fought and I left for San Francisco with flowers in my hair."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what I told Mandy," Luke responds.

"But April was still here," Lorelai notes. Luke grimaces, not really knowing how to respond to that. Lorelai takes out her cell phone and looks at the time. "Well I should go, I have a lot to do tomorrow before picking up the kids."

"Bring 'em by, I'd like to meet them," Luke says.

"Yeah," Lorelai responds, nodding and shaking her head at the same time.

"Hey." Luke touches Lorelai's arm gently. She tenses but looks up at him. "I'm glad you decided to stay."

"Me too," Lorelai replies, nodding again. "Me too. Be sure to drink my cider for me."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that." Lorelai laughs.

"See you Luke." Lorelai turns and walks away. Luke watches her for a moment before walking over to Loren. As she's walking out of the center of town, Lorelai pauses to glance over her shoulder at Luke and Loren.

_I'm not really as anti-kid as I come off._

_Drop another sucker in…_

_Okay, yes, I don't always have the patience for 'em. They tend to be a little squishy and that freaks me out._

_You don't have to like kids, Luke. Or want kids. It's not for everybody._

_I know, but…although I'm quite happy going an entire day without having to deal with somebody else's bodily functions, if I ever happen to meet the right person… well, it would be a discussion._

_A discussion._

_Yes. Probably a short discussion, but still._

She takes a deep breath, just watching Luke be the father she always knew he could be. He was so good with Loren, she had known that after just a few seconds. Luke may not like kids, but she had always believed he would love his own. Just as he had loved April back when. And thinking of that still hurt, because even fifteen years later, she still thought he had loved April more than her. That was a hurt she might never get over.


	5. Fight, Babe, I'll Fight

**Notes:**

**BluJPlover - **It's you. That's what I mean when I write Loren. You are Luke's daughter ;) Okay, kidding there. Her name is Loren for obvious reasons. But that's funny because I really haven't seen it spelled that way many times, usually Lauren.

**Cappuccino2go **- I'm glad you decided to read the story. You believe what you want to believe about Nicolas. And yes, they will get back together and I'll promise it again.

**smileyGGfan **- Is it Marty, guess you'll have to wait and see ;) I don't think the townies would have mentioned Luke and Lorelai's engagment to Mandy. I think Mandy was mostly around in Luke's presence and why would they bring up Lorelai around him? Lorelai cutting Patty off certainly had to do with Luke. I think she's just starting to adjust to being around him again, it would be hard to do with the whole town watching.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Fight, Babe, I'll Fight**

The day she had gone to the airport fifteen years ago with only a small suitcase in her hand it had been a cloudy day, one of those cloudy days where the rays of the sun came down in the small spaces in between the clouds. It still surprised her that it hadn't been rainy that day.

Had she been sad? She couldn't remember.

What she did remember was that she never really planned on leaving for that long. She remembered that until the plane took off, she wasn't actually sure she was really leaving. True, he had pushed her to go, but she still hadn't been sure he really meant it.

She thought it would have been a dark day because she was leaving the only place she had ever called home, a place filled with all the people she knew she'd miss. She was doing something she had never thought she would do, she was running away. But still, he had told her to go.

Even now, fifteen years later, she could still hear his harsh words the last time that they spoke. The words he spat out harshly in a fit of rage that broke her heart and drove her to tears. She knew that if she hadn't left, she would still remember those words every time she saw him, every time she stood in that part of the house, every time she saw that chuppah.

The day hadn't been sunny either. She wasn't happy to leave. Rory was still back in Connecticut. And the Crap Shack. And everything and everyone she had ever loved.

It had been one of those mysterious days when you never knew if it was going to get sunny or rainy or if you were even going to be able to see your hand if it got foggy.

Arriving at the airport, Lorelai pulls into a parking space and sits there, gasping for breath. She knows she is still afraid. She worries that instead of grabbing her kids and going back to Stars Hollow that she might forget everything and get on a plane and never come back. Yes, she has loved being back, seeing her house, her friends, the town, but it is still him. Luke is still and always will be Luke and she isn't sure how she feels about that anymore.

Slowly running a hand over her face, Lorelai slowly regains control of herself. She takes one more deep breath, grabs her purse and gets out of the car. She has to stay. Stars Hollow is her home and always will be. Even when she lived in San Francisco, Stars Hollow was still her home. It was the place she felt she could go to, if only in her mind.

And as she walks through the airport, she still remembers that Luke had once been her home.

_Yeah, I'm going to get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai._

_Yeah you're very handy. So Luke we'll talk later._

_Yes we will_

_-_

_I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow._

_Absolutely. We see each other most everyday._

_-_

_So I'll see you tomorrow._

_Tomorrow._

_Same time as always._

_-_

_Doesn't matter what the time is. I'll always be around._

Lorelai shakes her head, glancing up at the TV screens that tell her where she should meet her children. "Gate B2. B2. So that is…" Lorelai mumbles to herself, looking in either direction. "Ah." She notices the sign and begins to walk towards the B gates.

"Mom!" Lorelai hears her daughter call and jumps, surprised by the voice.

"Hey!" Lorelai shouts, running towards her daughter and son. Lucy runs towards Lorelai. They instantly embrace, hugging each other close as Nicolas coolly makes his way over to them. "Oh I missed you!" Lorelai lets go of Lucy and hugs Nicolas, who hugs his mother back but not as tight as Lucy did. Lorelai lets go of her son, shaking her head at him. "Still Mr. Cool I see," she teases. Nicolas rolls his eyes. Lucy giggles. "You guys got everything?"

"Yeah, Randy said he's going to send the rest of the boxes and stuff next week," Nicolas answers.

"Well then, let's head off to baggage claim," Lorelai says, taking Lucy's hand, letting their hands swing back and forth. Nicolas grimaces, as if annoyed by them. Lorelai puts her arm around her son's shoulders. "You know, it's all right sometimes to admit you're a Momma's boy at heart."

"I'm not a Momma's boy," Nicolas insists, but doesn't remove Lorelai's hand from his shoulder. She squeezes his shoulder and smiles at him.

"So you get a lot done here so far?" Lucy asks.

"Yes, I did. Nicolas is going to take Rory's old room. Rory said that was okay as long as he leaves the All Hail Yale wall up." Nicolas wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"Stanford is better," he claims.

"That's cuz you're a West Coast boy. We'll train you, don't worry," Lorelai responds.

"I thought you hated Yale," Lucy notes. Lorelai shrugs. "I can't believe we're going to live in the house that Rory once lived in. It's so odd. I mean, we know basically nothing about Stars Hollow." Lorelai blushes.

"That's not true!" Lorelai exclaims. "You know about the inn that I own. And you know Sookie. And you know that it's small and they like to have festivals every day of the year. And everyone knows everyone. It's special."

"Sounds like Stepford," Nicolas mutters. Lorelai shakes her head at him.

"No, it's not at all like Stepford." Lorelai groans. "Oh I can't describe it, but I know you'll love it." Nicolas shrugs.

"If you say so," he grumps. Lorelai lifts the hand on his shoulder and gently smacks him upside the head. "Hey!"

"That's what you get for not believing your mother. Have I taught you nothing? Mommy is always right."

"She's right Nicky, remember when she told you not to buzz your hair off? You wore a hat for two months straight," Lucy reminds him. Nicolas bows his head in shame and Lorelai struggles to keep her laughter inside.

"I'm going to regret that for the rest of my life," Nicolas mumbles.

"Oh, actually I think you're going to regret telling your little sister about it, more than you'll regret actually having done it," Lorelai tells him. This doesn't seem to make Nicolas any happier. "Oh Kiddo, we all do stupid things. Seriously if there was a monument to the stupid things I've done, it would reach higher than the Tower of Babel." Lucy giggles. Nicolas just huffs.

"So you're going to show us around Stars Hollow this afternoon?" Lucy asks. Lorelai shakes her head. "Why not?"

"We have a stop to make," Lorelai responds mysteriously. Lucy narrows her eyes, not sure if she wants to know.

"Spit it out," Lucy tells her mom.

"Your grandmother has requested a visit with you two," Lorelai says gloomily.

"So basically before you're taking us to the darkest reaches of hell before throwing us into the bright fields of heaven," Nicolas figures. Lorelai laughs.

"Yeah something like that," she responds.

"Great," Nicolas deadpans.

* * *

Lorelai stands in front of the door to the Gilmore mansion with Nicolas and Lucy flanking her on either side. Lucy gives Lorelai a worried look as Nicolas's eyes hide his fear but Lorelai just stares straight ahead, her hands folded in front of her. After a minute, Lucy sighs, glancing at Nicolas. He shrugs in response. Meanwhile Lorelai's mind is wandering. 

_This is a house?_

_This is a house._

_What a waste. This is what causes peasants to revolt. This is how heads end up on pikes._

_Open with that. That's a great icebreaker. Now listen, I want you to be careful about your consumption of booze._

_I'm not going to drink too much._

_No, no, no, you've got it backwards there, Pablo. Ride the pink elephant, baby, 'cause it's your only defense against Emily Gilmore unless you're packing a Kolishnikov._

_Yeah, yeah. Shouldn't we ring the doorbell or something?_

"Shouldn't we ring the doorbell or something?" Nicolas wonders. Lorelai's startled to hear the question in surround sound.

"Mom!" Lucy exclaims, yanking on Lorelai's sleeve. Lorelai quickly gives Lucy a smile.

"Yes, yes, ring the doorbell," Lorelai responds in a monotone. Lucy reaches out and rings the doorbell. Lorelai sighs. "I feel like Mary Surratt," she mutters. Both Nicolas and Lucy try to hide smiles as the door opens revealing Emily Gilmore. Lorelai quickly flashes her mother a fake smile. "Hello Mom."

"It's a good thing I took an aspirin otherwise I might have had a heart attack," Emily says coldly.

"Mom, you knew we were coming. In fact, you insisted on it," Lorelai responds.

"Yes, after fifteen years I think it's only right that you visit your mother when you come in town." Emily steps aside. "Come in, come in." Lorelai pushes Lucy in first and Nicolas files in after her. Emily smiles at her grandchildren. "Well you two look older than the last time I saw you, taller."

"Yes, well I tried to give them a bottle labeled 'Drink Me' but they were too smart for me," Lorelai quips. Emily gives Lorelai a bitter look but Lucy giggles. "Um, okay, Nicolas, Lucy, you remember your grandmother." Lorelai motions towards Emily.

"Hello Nicolas. Hello Lucy. Would you two like something to drink?" Emily asks in a voice as if she's talking to a 10 year old. Nicolas raises an eyebrow, glancing at Lorelai, who gives him a look telling him to be good.

"Sure," Lucy answers.

"Good!" Emily exclaims. She flashes Lorelai a smile. "So, Lucy, tell me all about your flight." Emily slips her arm through Lucy's as if they're gossiping like teenagers. They walk into the living room. Nicolas gives Lorelai a hesitant look.

"Oh don't worry, she'll love you. You still have the possibility of being the Great Richard the 2nd," Lorelai tells Nicolas, who nods, his hands going to his hips.

"Is it strange?" Nicolas asks.

"Is what strange, Sweets?"

"It just being Grandma." Lorelai shrugs.

"Kind of, I guess. I mean my father was always sort of the silent - I'll go about my business, you go about yours - type," Lorelai answers. She purses her lips, folding her arms over her chest. "I think coming here I miss him a little more." She shrugs. "You go on, go visit with your grandmother, I'll be in there in a minute." Lorelai pushes Nicolas gently towards the living room.

"O-kay," Nicolas says slowly.

"Go, Lucy's probably dying for you to pull a Lancelot," Lorelai tells him. Nicolas nods and walks into the living room. Lorelai takes a deep breath and walks into the dining room.

Slowly circling the table, Lorelai drags her gaze from chair to chair, pausing for a moment at Richard's old chair. She runs her fingers over the back, pressing her lips together. "Daddy, I'm sorry I failed you," she whispers. She blinks, swallowing the lump in her throat.

Lorelai finishes her circle around the table, ending at her chair and sits down. She takes a deep breath, looking from chair to chair.

_You're our daughter and come June 3rd, Luke will be our son-in-law. They could come after your assets, then Luke's assets, then our assets!_

_We could be wiped out!_

_So this is about protecting you._

_It's about protecting all of us!_

_We're all in this together._

_All four of us._

Lorelai nods to herself, staring at Richard's old chair. "All four of us," she repeats softly. Then she shakes the memory away. "You said it Dad, we were all in it together. And once it ended, we were all out together."

She covers her face with her hands, feeling the tears prick the corners of her eyes. She can still see the look on Luke's face as they sat at this table. She can still feel her heavy heart, unsure about the future, confused about her relationship with Luke, frustrated with how things were turning out. She wipes her eyes, glancing at each of the chairs. gathering herself again.

Then she stands and walks into the living room. "Hey everyone, just making sure that my kids aren't comatose or posing with swans," Lorelai says brightly walking in the room. Emily scowls.

"Mom, Grandma was just asking us what school we'd be going to," Lucy tells Lorelai.

"Oh, uh, I hadn't really gotten to that yet," Lorelai realizes, scratching her head. Emily looks shocked.

"Lorelai, you show up in Stars Hollow unexpectedly. You leave your children behind only to call them and make them fly across the country to live in a new place on a second's notice and you don't even plan a life for them here. I thought after all these years you were finally beginning to take some responsibility in your life," Emily snaps.

"I am taking responsibility in my life. I have! I can't believe I'm still having this same argument with you. Rory's grown, I took responsibility for her. I got us a house and opened the Dragonfly," Lorelai argues.

"Only to leave all that when the air went bad," Emily responds simply.

"No, that wasn't it. I didn't plan on leaving for that long, it was only supposed to be a break from the monotony. But I met Larry and these two came along and I decided to stay."

"Until things went bad there," Emily adds coolly.

"Again, I wasn't originally planning on staying here but Stars Hollow is home. It always has been. And what was keeping me in California isn't there anymore," Lorelai tells her, motioning wildly.

"You mean your children?" Emily asks.

"No I mean…" Lorelai groans. "Yes, the kids, but they wanted to leave. And I just… I needed to leave. I need to stay here. I need to live in Stars Hollow. And they understand. They're my kids, I know what's best for them. And if I didn't think they would be just as happy, if not happier, in Stars Hollow then I wouldn't have considered it for a moment." Emily folds her hands in front of her, pursing her lips. "Mom, I'm not Mary Jo Walker dragging my kid all over the country the moment a relationship has gone bad. I just – I feel like we don't belong in San Francisco anymore. But I belong here – we belong here." Lorelai looks at Lucy and then at Nicolas.

"We want to give it a chance, before hopping a train," Lucy tells Emily, who raises an eyebrow.

"Fine," Emily responds shortly. "Then where are they going to go to school?" Lorelai shrugs.

"I guess they have a decision to make," Lorelai answers. Then she looks at Lucy and Nicolas. "You guys can go to Stars Hollow High or Chilton Academy, where Rory went."

"You can afford that?" Emily asks. Lorelai glares at Emily.

"Yes, I can actually," Lorelai retorts. Then she smiles at her kids. "You guys take the day to decide" They nods. Lorelai gives Emily a pointed look. "Okay, now, I guess we should go, gotta get to Stars Hollow and start unpacking before it gets dark and the Vampires come out."


	6. Try Baby, Try

**Notes**:

Sorry about the Luke-less-ness of last chapter. I can promise that will never happen again.

**hollywoodgrl **- I think Lucy and Nicolas are obviously closer to each other than to Rory, but I did say that Rory lived with them in California for a short time. I guess they're as close as you would expect for siblings that only see each other a few times a year and probably talk on the phone a little more than that.

**carmagirl **- Just wanted to respond to your surprise that Lorelai could offer to pay for both kids to go to Chilton, but you can bet that Larry left some money for Lorelai and the kids when he died. More information on this will be in the upcoming chapters. Thanks for your perspective!

**smileyGGfan **- I'm glad you see a lot of Lorelai in Lucy, my goal was for her to be the two of them to be similar to Lorelai. The Once and Future King is an awesome book by the way.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Try Baby, Try  
**

The next morning, Lorelai walks into the house carrying a bag of danishes and a coffee carrier from Weston's. "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!" Lorelai shouts, kicking the door closed with her leg. "Up and at 'em guys!" She walks into the kitchen, setting the bag and coffees on the kitchen table.

Lucy walks down the stairs, still in her pajamas, rubbing her eyes. She stumbles into the kitchen still half asleep. "Who are you and what did you do with my mother?" Lucy mumbles. Lorelai grins taking milk out of the fridge and sets a glass on the table.

"I thought you two would like a treat on your first day in Stars Hollow," Lorelai replies. She picks up a cup of coffee and begins drinking it.

"A treat would be you actually cooking us breakfast," Lucy remarks. Lorelai snickers, shaking her head.

"That would be a trick not a treat, Sweets. Now eat up and get dressed, we've got a big day ahead of us."

"Great," Lucy grunts, settling herself at the table, taking one of the coffees and picking up a danish out of the bag. Lorelai watches her daughter for a second and then walks over to Nicolas's room, pressing her ear to the door.

"I think someone's trying to ignore their mother." Lorelai opens the door and walks in. "Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day!" Lorelai sings loudly. Nicolas groans, covering his head with his pillow. "Oh no you don't." Lorelai walks over to the side of the bed, sitting down next to him, ripping the pillow out of his hands. "You can't hide from me." She ruffles the hair on the back of her son's head as he groans again. "Get up," she says patting his shoulder. Nicolas flips on his side, looking up at his mother.

"You think there's a chance I could get a lock put on this door?" Nicolas mumbles.

"Oh yes, right after I let you get a giant tattoo of a dragon on your back," Lorelai answers sarcastically.

"I never said I wanted that." Lorelai shrugs.

"Well you're not getting one anyways," she responds standing. "Now get up." Nicolas sighs but drags himself out of bed. "I left milk and a glass on the kitchen table for you and there's a danish in the bag if you're hungry." Nicolas nods, waving an arm in her direction as he stumbles out of the room.

Lorelai smiles knowingly. She glances around the room and walks over to the bulletin board with the Yale posters. Gently touching them, Lorelai turns and glances around them room. Much of the Rory-ness of the room is gone, except the posters, the bed and the red chair. Lorelai stares at the chair for a second and then walks over to it, pulling it further towards the center of the room.

She turns, slowly lowering herself into the chair, bunching her knees against her chest. She swallows hard, no longer seeing the Rory-ness of the room, but the Luke-ness of the room.

_I did this wrong. I did this all wrong! How could I have let this happen? How did I not see it coming? How didn't I step in and do something? And why can't I fix these things?_

_Hey._

_I'm a bad mother!_

_You're not a bad mother. Did you sleep at all?_

_A little._

_You stay home this morning. I'll call Sookie and tell her you'll be late. He's going to be okay._

_I hope so._

_Everything's going to be okay._

Lorelai takes a deep breath, her fingers wiping a tear away that she didn't even know had fallen.

"Mom! Did you know I needed a uniform?" Lucy calls. Lorelai swallows the lump in her throat and stands, brushing herself off, unwrinkling her clothes. She purses her lips, putting the chair back where it had been and walks out of the room.

"What Sweetie?" Lorelai asks, a slight tremor still in her voice. Lucy doesn't notice. She's standing at the table, staring at a piece of paper.

"It says uniforms are required. You didn't tell me that!" Lucy exclaims.

"Oh Hun, you knew that, your sister wore one when she went there too," Lorelai reminds her. Lucy purses her lips in a very Lorelai-like way.

"That doesn't mean I have to like it. Why doesn't Nicky have to wear one?"

"Because he decided to take the easy way out and go to Stars Hollow High," Lorelai replies sweetly. She walks up next to Lucy and looks over her daughter's shoulder at the piece of paper. Placing a hand on the other side of Lucy's head, Lorelai pulls Lucy closer, kissing the top of her head. "I'm glad that you're okay with this," Lorelai whispers. Lucy glances up at Lorelai.

"Of course I am, you know me better than that," Lucy replies. "I'm going to go get ready and then we'll get on the Zagat's tour of Stars Hollow." She reaches up and kisses Lorelai's cheek and then runs up the stairs. Lorelai watches her go, still seeming conflicted.

* * *

Later that day, Lorelai is walking ahead of Lucy and Nicolas as she chatters on about the town. Nicolas has his hands shoved in his back pockets as he glances uneasily around the town, while Lucy's eyes are alight. "Now over here we have the Black, White and Read movie theater," Lorelai announces. Nicolas raises an eyebrow. 

"That's a bookstore," he notes. Lorelai glances back over her shoulder.

"Yes, yes, by day it is. But by night it's theater of mystery!" Lorelai says dramatically.

"So it's Superman," Nicolas jokes.

"Funny, funny boy," Lorelai responds. "Come on." She motions for them to follow her inside. Nicolas and Lucy share a look and then grudgingly follow their mother. "Hi Andrew, I'm just showing the kids around town and I wanted to show them the movie theater."

"Feel free to look around," Andrew replies, but he's staring at the kids, who both seem uncomfortable with this whole thing.

"Nicolas! Lucy! Hop to it!" Lorelai shouts at them. She walks into the movie theater and smiles at her surroundings. Nicolas and Lucy walk in.

"This is a movie theater?" Lucy asks, an eyebrow raised. Lorelai nods, crossing her arms over her chest. She slowly walks down the middle of the room, her eye on the red couch in the front the whole time.

As she walks, she says in a low voice, "they show all kinds of movies here. St. Elmo's Fire, Cool Hand Luke, The Natural, Pippi Longstocking." In her mind, Lorelai can still hear herself and Rory singing.

_Freckles on her nose, diddle diddle dee, a girl came riding into town one day, diddle diddle dee, it was quite a site. It's Pippi Longstocking he ho ho ah he he ha ha, it's Pippi Longstocking there's no one like her._

Lorelai smiles to herself as she stops in front of the big red couch, still staring at it. "Rory and I used to come here all the time. We named this couch Big Red."

"I wonder why," Nicolas mutters, but Lorelai doesn't hear. All she can hear is Luke's voice in her head.

_Rory is like Pippi._

_Pippi?_

_She can have adventures and be free. She's smart. The whole world's waiting for her._

Lorelai looks up and glances around the place, still lost in thought.

_Look at me. Not stopping till he's upset every person that means anything in the world to him in one night._

"It looks like they're showing a movie tonight, maybe we should go," Lucy suggests. Lorelai glances up at her.

"We can't. We've gotta get you a uniform, Missy. And then get stuff for school, both of you have big days tomorrow," Lorelai remarks.

"I feel like I'm five years old and about to start kindergarten," Nicolas mutters. Lorelai shakes her head at him.

"Okay Grumpy, let's go," Lorelai says. She walks out, curling a finger behind her at Nicolas. "Thanks Andrew!" she shouts as the three leave the store. Lorelai wraps her arm through Lucy's as the three walk down the street. "And over there another shop that sells porcelain unicorns." Nicolas pretends to open up a notebook and mark another line. Lucy giggles. "Over there is the cat club. They sell – well – cat related items."

"Cat related items?" Lucy asks. "Like paws and whiskers?" Lorelai shrugs.

"Maybe, I've never been in there, I'm not a fan of cats," Lorelai responds.

"We know," Nicolas says.

"They sell, I don't know. Wastebaskets with cats on them, cat food, little cat beds, kitty pot holders." Lorelai smiles to herself. "Not so cute ones."

_Little kitty pot holders. They meow._

_It's a present._

_For someone you hate?_

_It's Rachel's birthday okay? And don't say anything, she doesn't want anyone to know. She hates birthdays._

_Not as much as she's gonna hate these pot holders._

Lorelai shakes her head, remembering the horrible pot holders. "Anyways, I wouldn't recommend it."

"Especially since none of us like cats," Lucy adds. Lorelai nods.

"And let's see, another store with…"

"Porcelain unicorns," Nicolas finishes with a groan. Lucy giggles again. "Mom, this town is really crazy."

"So are many of the people in it," Lorelai tells him.

"Wow, and that makes me want to stay," Lucy says. "That's a nice church over there." Lorelai glances over.

"Yeah it is. Course it's used as a temple too. When Stars Hollow was originally constructed no synagogue was built, so Taylor Doose thought it wouldn't be historical to build one."

"Taylor was the town Castro, right?" Nicolas asks, trying to remind himself. Lorelai nods.

"The bells up there used to ring, but they don't anymore."

"Why not?" Lucy asks.

"Cuz I killed 'em," Lorelai replies, grinning mischievously.

"You did what!" Lucy exclaims, trying to imagine this.

"Oh yeah, took a wrench to the things and forced the loud torture to end. And a celebration went up in town and it was declared Lorelai Gilmore Day!" Lorelai exclaims, her arms waving madly. Nicolas shakes his head.

"That's not even a true story, is it?" Nicolas asks. Lorelai pouts.

"The first part was," she whines. She glances one eye up at the church.

_What do you care?_

_I care._

_Why?_

_Because I don't want you to move._

_Why? Why don't you want me to move?_

Lorelai huffs. "Come on. Let's get coffee," she grumps. Lucy and Nicolas follow her to the diner. Lorelai doesn't speak the entire time they're walking.

"I feel like we've been walking this town for hours," Nicolas mutters to Lucy. "Which is strange because from what I've seen, you can circumvent this town in five minutes." Lucy grins at her brother.

"Aw, face it Nicky, you love it here already," she teases, patting him on the shoulder.

"Okay," Lorelai speaks up, stopping in front of the diner. "If you want to know where the world's best coffee is, it's right here."

"In the hardware store?" Nicolas asks, pointing up at the sign. "No wait, it's a diner," he adds, glancing over at the other sign. He gives Lorelai perplexed look. "Could this town get any more confusing?" Lorelai just smiles and ruffles his hair.

"Face it, Kiddo. You ain't seen nothing yet," she responds.

"Great," Nicolas responds sarcastically, giving Lorelai a small smile.

"Okay, now just a warning, Luke, the owner, isn't the most friendly man in the world," Lorelai warns them. "In fact, if you put him next to Edward Scissorhands, you might find old Eddie more sociable." She winks and then walks in the diner. Nicolas and Lucy follow nervously.

Luke looks up at them from behind the counter when they enter. Lorelai raises one hand in a wave and smiles as she motions Lucy and Nicolas towards the nearest table. Luke nods to her and walks over. "Sit, sit, sit!" she whispers to Lucy and Nicolas.

"Suddenly I know how Benjy felt," Nicolas mutters as he puts out a chair and sits down. Lucy walks around the table and sits across from him so that Lorelai can sit between.

"Hey there," Luke greets them when he gets to the table.

"Hey there Lucas," Lorelai teases. Luke gives her a look.

"Seriously, the old rules still apply," Luke grumbles. Lorelai just grins.

"Now I see where you got the grumpy diner owner reputation," Lucy notices. Lorelai looks down, blushing. Luke shakes his head at her.

"So, Luke these are my kids, Nicolas and Lucy. Guys, this is Luke Danes." She motions to each person as she mentions them. "Luke and I go way back to the day that Rory and I moved into our house and I ran out of coffee."

"Heaven forbid," Nicolas murmurs. Luke uses all his strength not to laugh.

"Ummm… would you like some coffee?" Luke finally gets out as he holds in his laughter. Lorelai pouts.

"Yeah, coffee would be great," Lucy answers for Lorelai, who smiles her appreciation at her daughter.

"Not another one," Luke groans. Lorelai gives him a sweet smile. "Fine, three coffees, anything else?"

"Two. I'll have a rootbeer," Nicolas interrupts. Luke stares at the boy in shock. He casts a look over at Lorelai.

"Are you sure he's yours?" Luke asks. Lorelai shrugs.

"Can't brainwash 'em all," she figures.

"Right."

"Anyways, we'll have burgers all around," she says as Loren walks in the door, a backpack slung over her shoulder.

"Hey Lorelai! Hey Dad," Loren says, giving her dad a quick kiss on the cheek. Lorelai lights up, pleased that Loren remembers her.

"Hey Loren, glad you're here. I wanted you to meet Nicolas and Lucy," Lorelai says motioning to each of her kids.

"Hey, great shirt!" Lucy comments. Loren looks down and notices her Rolling Stones t-shirt.

"Oh yeah, you like the Stones?" Loren asks.

"Like? Mick Jagger totally rocks!" Lucy responds. Luke looks dismayed at this but Lorelai just smiles.

"Uh, I'll go get your…" Luke trails off, realizing that the kids aren't listening. Lorelai nods to him and he motions with his head for her to follow him. She glances back at the kids. Loren has sat down at the other chair between Lucy and Nicolas and the three are talking animatedly. Lorelai decides that they're too engrossed to care so she stands and follows Luke over to the counter. He writes down their order and hands it to Caesar.

"You motioned?" Lorelai asks, walking up to the counter.

"So they're liking it here?" Luke asks. Lorelai glances once more at the kids.

"Yeah, so far. Oh, I meant to ask you, do you still have that extra bed?"

"Extra bed?" Luke asks.

"Yeah, you know the one that Jess used," Lorelai reminds him.

"Well, that was awhile ago… but I have an extra at the house. Why?"

"Oh, well, see my house only had two people living in it before so there's only two beds. Since I'm making the extra room into Lucy's room, I thought she could use a bed to sleep on instead of sharing mine."

"Good thinking," Luke responds. "Well I could bring it by tonight if you want to help me load it in the truck."

"You want me to help you load it in the truck?" Lorelai asks in amazement, emphasizing the 'me'. Luke chuckles. "How about I send Nicolas over this evening?" Luke nods.

"That'll be fine." Lorelai nods back, smiling at him. Luke looks over her shoulder at the teenagers. "She's a cool kid, Loren likes her already," Luke comments. Lorelai glances over at the kids. Nicolas is staring out the window, completely bored as Lucy and Loren are deep in conversation.

"Yeah, she's a lot like her mother," Lorelai says softly.

"So's Loren," Luke notes. Lorelai whips her head around in surprise.

"Oh," Lorelai gasps. She forces a nervous smile as she remembers her talk with Sookie about Mandy. "Right – I – I didn't think," she stammers, glancing back over at Loren, finally seeing Loren's caramel colored hair and green eyes, nothing like Luke. "Wow. I guess I didn't realize because I didn't know Mandy." Luke clears his throat.

"I meant she's a lot like you," Luke remarks softly. Lorelai flips her head around again, even more surprised than before. Luke shrugs. "I didn't really know how to go about raising a kid. The only parent I had ever really known was you. I guess I just raised her like you raised Rory." Lorelai watches Loren, a flash memory of April at her birthday party going through her head.

"I think I can see that," Lorelai says softly.

"Nick is more like his Dad?" Luke concludes. Lorelai squints her eyes, as if dissecting Nicolas, just as he suddenly looks over at her.

_So you have a daughter, right?_

_Yes, Rory._

_That's good, you'd be wasted on a son._

_I'll take that as a compliment._

_It is._

Lorelai smiles at her son. Luke watches the mother/son interaction, taken aback with how at ease Lorelai is with raising a son. "I'll go check on those burgers."

"Yeah," Lorelai says turning back to face Luke. "And quick, quick please, we still have to make a trip to the Dragonfly before things get really crazy with dinner preparations."

* * *

A little while later, Lorelai, Nicolas and Lucy have finished their meals at the diner and are walking up the path to the Dragonfly. "See Sookie and I used to work at this inn called the Independence Inn and, like I said, we always dreamed of owning our own. At least we started dreaming about that when we started working together, I don't mean that when I was your age I was dreaming about owning an inn. At that point I was dreaming of growing my hair long and joining the Bangles." 

"Mo-om," Lucy whines, having obviously heard this story before.

"Right, but what I was saying is that Luke's girlfriend Rachel showed me this place and I instantly fell in love with it. I mean I knew it was perfect. And Sookie knew it was perfect. And Rory knew it was perfect. It was perfect. It really was. And we saw our dream coming together. It took lots of time and lots of money and lots of creative input, only one of the three did I actually have at the time, but we did it. And it was a success. And look at it now." Lorelai motions to the inn, just smiling up at it. "We knew we could do it. I mean, I wasn't sure at times. But we did do it."

_This place is great._

_Do you think I can do this?_

_I already told you you can do this and I already told you that I already told you you can do this._

"Mom, you really like this place don't you?" Lucy asks. Lorelai glances over at her daughter, still in a stupor.

"Huh?"

"I mean Stars Hollow. You've gone on and on about everything. You really like this place," Lucy comments. Lorelai nods.

"Yeah, it's a great town. It was home," Lorelai responds.

"I get why you stayed away, but Mom, why did you leave in the first place if you loved this place so much?" Lucy asks. Lorelai's smile disappears quickly as she purses her lips, glancing back at the inn. She takes a deep breath.

"Come on, Sookie's waiting," Lorelai says, blatantly ignoring Lucy's question. Nicolas shrugs at Lucy as they follow Lorelai inside. "Hi Michel," Lorelai says, happily greeting her old friend.

"Lorelai! I heard you were back!" Michel says in his fake happy voice. He walks around the desk and over to her. "It is so good to see you."

"Oh, Michel, I know deep down you really mean that," Lorelai teases.

"I would hug you but…"

"It would be strange wouldn't it?" Lorelai figures.

"And it would wrinkle my suit," Michel adds.

"Yes, I have been known to wrinkle many a man's suit," Lorelai quips. "Michel, I want you to meet my kids, Nicolas and Lucy."

"Oh more children, oh joy," Michel murmurs, still using is pseudo-happy voice. Lorelai shakes her head at him.

"Michel and Rory were like two peas in a pod," Lorelai kids. Michel glares at her.

"Lorelai!" Sookie exclaims, walking quickly into the front hallway. A young girl follows Sookie into the room.

"Sookie!" Lorelai cries as well, as they run towards each other hugging as if they hadn't just seen each other a few days ago.

"Hi Nicolas, hi Lucy," Sookie greets both the kids. They both wave and say hello in response. "And Lorelai, you remember my Martha." Sookie grabs Martha's arm, pulling her daughter next to her.

"Oh yeah, of course, hi Martha, wow you're so tall now!" Martha smiles a hello and then looks over at Nicolas, with whom she shares another small smile.

"Yeah it's crazy how tall this one is. I mean Jackson's family isn't tall. And look at me," Sookie says. Lorelai nods, folding her arms over her chest.

"Yes well I do remember the milkman at that time being 6'2"," Lorelai teases.

"Oh you," Sookie responds, flinging a hand in Lorelai's direction.

"So Martha, how are you?" Lorelai asks.

"Oh fine. I'm in my Junior year at Stars Hollow High. I'm on the cheerleading squad. Things are going good," Martha answers. "Are you guys going to SHHS?"

"I am, she's not," Nicolas responds, motioning to Lucy with his thumb.

"Cool, well I'll see you there," Martha says, smiling at Nicolas.

"Are you excited about having the house to yourself when Davey goes to school next year?" Lorelai asks Martha, who shrugs.

"I don't know, I mean it's still awhile away. But I think it might be nice."

"I'm sure. I mean, I have no experience to relate to, as an only child. And as I left home before I was – well – your age," Lorelai realizes, laughing quietly to herself. "Guess I shouldn't comment on this topic…" She glances over at Sookie, who's motioning to her. "Umm… you guys talk, I'll be… yeah, talk." Lorelai shakes her head and follows Sookie into the parlor.

"Lorelai, I wanted you to meet Leslie," Sookie says, wrapping an arm around the girl next to her.

"Oh, you're Lorelai! I've been just so excited to meet you. Ever since Sookie said you were here, I've been just so excited!" Leslie exclaims. Lorelai raises her eyebrows at Leslie's level of excitement.

"Well, wow, I'm glad I could make your day," Lorelai responds.

"It's just that I really need time off with the wedding coming up and I just found out I'm pregnant." Lorelai nods knowingly, reaching out and patting Leslie's arm.

"I completely empathize with your situation, I was pregnant and engaged when I was pregnant with my son," Lorelai says, motioning to Nicolas who's talking to Martha in the hall. Sookie raises an eyebrow but says nothing. "I'm definitely here to be of any help you might need."

"Oh no, I'm here to help you. I mean, this is your place," Leslie replies. She notices a maid motioning at her. "Well, it was nice to meet you. I'll see you around." Lorelai nods to her as she walks away.

"Sookie, this is so amazing. You've really done a great job here," Lorelai says, wrapping an arm around Sookie's arm as she glances around. "I really missed it here," she adds softly, glancing back into the front hallway.

_Hey, hi. You came._

_I RSVP'd._

_Oh._

_These are for you, a little congratulations._

_Oh my God, they're beautiful. Thank you._

Lorelai smiles to herself and looks down, still picturing the beautiful flowers. "Well I missed you. I'm glad you're back," Sookie says. Lorelai glances over at Sookie.

"Yay." Lorelai purses her lips glancing around again. "I never meant to stay away so long…"


	7. To Trust In My Love Again

**Thanks to all who have reivewed so far, I love your opinions on the story! Please continue to read and review!

* * *

Chapter 7: To Trust In My Love Again**

A week later, Lorelai walks into Luke's Diner before another day at work. "Coffee, coffee, coffee!" Lorelai exclaims as she walks up to the counter. Luke shakes his head at her.

"Well it's nice to know some routines don't change," Luke mutters as he turns to reach for the coffee pot. "To go?" he asks over his shoulder.

"Uh…" Lorelai glances down at the watch she's not wearing on her wrist. "I think I can stay and chat for a bit. Hit me up with a real mug." Luke grabs a 'real mug' and pours the coffee, setting the mug in front of Lorelai.

"So Lucy's liking it at Chilton so far?" Luke asks. Lorelai nods, taking a big gulp of coffee.

"Uh, yeah she is. She wants to be a doctor like her dad. She's smart that one."

"Nick doesn't want to be a doctor?" Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, he's much more passive, go with the flow kinda guy. I mean, don't get me wrong, all my kids are smarter than me, but Nicolas is the least likely to end up like John Nash." Luke chuckles. "Oh hey, Lucy gave this to me to give to you to give to Loren." Lorelai reaches into her bag, pulls out a CD case and hands it to Luke who looks at it.

"Are we nothing more than messengers to them anymore?" Luke wonders.

"Well there was a time that they would come to me for food and shelter and money for clothes," Lorelai responds. Luke smiles and puts the CD down on the counter behind him. "But I'm glad they're getting along so well. It's really helped Lucy's adjustment to Stars Hollow."

"That's good. And I've already heard everything there is to know about Lucy. Loren talks nonstop about her at dinner."

"I've always heard that chattering nonstop is a good thing," Lorelai jokes.

"Yeah that's cuz you were talking too much to hear otherwise," Luke responds with a smile. Lorelai shrugs, drinking her coffee. "And it's good that it's Lucy that Loren's talking about. I don't have to worry about her being in the wrong crowd."

"Well then I shouldn't tell you about how Lucy used to spend her weekends as a drug dealer." Luke gives Lorelai a look.

"Don't joke about those kind of things," Luke warns. Lorelai gives him an innocent look.

"If I don't joke about those kind of things, what else is there for me to joke about?" Lorelai wonders.

"Something that doesn't involve my daughter," Luke responds.

"Well Big Daddy, you're just going to have to learn to trust your daughter."

"Lorelai, you don't understand. All her life, the entire time, it's just been us. I was the only person she could turn to. She was all I had. It was us against the world. I have to protect her. She's still the only important thing in my life." Lorelai gives Luke a fierce look.

"I think I know a little something about that," Lorelai retorts. "But I didn't keep Rory in a glass box. I let her make her mistakes. It's the only way you learn!" They stare at each other angrily for a moment. Luke breaks the stare first, looking down at his hands.

"When did we start fighting again?" he wonders. Lorelai sighs, relaxing a bit again as she sips some more coffee. "Is it always going to be like this?" he asks, looking back up at her with one eye. She shrugs, looking at him sadly.

"I don't know, Luke," Lorelai whispers. Luke nods. He notices a new customer walk in and walks away to go take care of them. Lorelai watches him for a moment and then looks back down at her coffee.

_Stop._

_Stop what?_

_Oh, stop this robot talk. If you're mad, just act like you're mad at me._

_I'm not mad at you._

_You're being really, really unfair. Rory was in the hospital._

_Lorelai, what is it exactly that you want me to do? I'm not mad. I'm not holding a grudge. I heard your apology. I feel like I'm being polite. I listened to your donut bit. I got you your coffee. What would make you happy?_

_I want Luke back._

_He's standing right here._

_No he's not._

Lorelai glances back over at Luke as he chats with the customer. She gets off the stool, taking money out of her purse and laying it on the counter. Pursing her lips, she sighs and drinks down the rest of her coffee. As she walks out the door, Luke looks over at her. She waves hesitantly and he nods back. Then she walks out and Luke turns back to his customer.

* * *

It had been a dream as long as she could remember: opening the Dragonfly. 

As she walks around the Dragonfly that afternoon, traversing the property as she had once done almost daily, she can still remember the moment she had decided to open her own inn. Long before Sookie had arrived at the Independence Inn, Lorelai had worked there. She had been a maid. She had been an event planner. She had been the night manager and the day manager. She had done almost every job at the inn, except for the cooking, because Lord knows Mia would have to be out of her mind to let Lorelai near the stove.

There was a night, about five years after Lorelai had started at the inn, after she had become the night manager, when the dream really formed in her mind. She had been walking around the inn late at night, hearing only the sounds of crickets outside. The place seemed so peaceful and cozy. It had long since become her home and Rory's home. But on this night it seemed more than that.

Lorelai had seen how other people had felt at this place. A sense of bless. A moment of relaxation. A place where one could go to get away. A safe house.

When she stood in the middle of the main meeting room, Lorelai knew that this was her dream. To be able to give this to people. To own a place that could provide these comforts to others.

And after 20 long, hard years, her dream had come true.

The Dragonfly was not only well known as one of the best places to eat and sleep but one of the best place to go to get away from the city and relax. Even just a few days after the inn had opened, Lorelai had felt it about this place. It was a home.

But then she had left. Only two years after the opening of her inn, Lorelai had run away. As she had worked as an event planner in California, her thoughts were always with this place. Because it was still the place she knew she could go to escape, to relax, to feel at home once again. It had once been the end to a beautiful story.

_You're going to be on the cover of a magazine! That's a big deal!_

_Well, it's the inn not me, but yes, it is a big deal._

_So how did they tell you? They phone you or they, you know, email you?_

_They said they were so impressed by the inn, they were so impressed with my story._

_It's a great story._

_Well, it's a little thin when you compare it to War and Peace but…_

_What? You started with nothing. It's a great story.  
_

_-  
_

_But this is big._

_Yeah, I guess it is._

He had always been there to back her up. When she wasn't sure she could do it, he told her she could. When she wasn't sure where else she could go for money, he was there with a loan. When she fought with Sookie because she got scared about jumping in, he was there to warn her that big steps are scary but necessary. She knew that if it hadn't been for him, the Dragonfly would have remained what it once was, a dream that she carried around.

Yet this day is different. The dream has come true and things have been up and running for 17 years. Now Lorelai is just a small kink in the working chain of the Dragonfly and she wonders if that is enough for her anymore.

"Lorelai," she hears Sookie call from the kitchen. Lorelai nods to Sookie and walks through the dinning room into the kitchen.

"Hey Sooks, what's up?" Lorelai asks walking over to the coffee pot to pour herself some coffee.

"Did you find out what Alfie Kremlin was planning on doing for his family reunion?"

"Oh yeah, he wants to do some kind of a theme. He was thinking of a 70s theme because his parents had gotten married in 1971 and they've been married for 50 years this year. I guess the whole family wanted to celebrate that." Sookie raises an eyebrow.

"Wow, 50 years. Jackson and I are going to hit 20 in a year and I thought that was a lot," Sookie considers. Lorelai nods, pressing her lips together. "Oh Honey, I'm sorry. I always say stupid things like that." Lorelai looks confused.

"What? I think it's awesome that you and Jackson made it that long."

"Yeah but Larry, you know, he died before you had the chance."

"I do know," Lorelai agrees. She walks over and pats Sookie's arm. "It's okay, we got lucky being together as long as we did."

"You got lucky even finding each other. I mean think about it, if you hadn't gone on your cross country adventure, you might never have met." Lorelai nods, drinking her coffee to give herself time to respond.

"Yeah, you know, you're right." Lorelai shrugs, thinking for a moment. "Do you think that means that we were meant to be?"

"Like Jonathan Trager and Sara Thomas meant to be?" Sookie asks. Lorelai finishes the coffee and sets the cup down.

"Yeah like that. Like we lived on opposite ends of the country and we found each other all because I left Stars Hollow," Lorelai says distantly.

"Maybe. You think that Klotho, Lakhesis and Atropos had some hand in getting you and Larry together?" Lorelai grimaces.

"Is that stupid?" Sookie shrugs.

"No, I just wonder who else had a hand in that," Sookie answers.

"You mean like the pilot of the plane flying me to San Francisco?" Lorelai jokes. "Because he certainly was helpful, I mean I didn't die because of him."

"No, I mean the reason you left Stars Hollow," Sookie responds. Lorelai sighs, the sad look returning to her face. "I mean we all thought you and Luke were meant to be too, you know. We thought he was perfect for you."

"He was!" Lorelai exclaims in frustration. She rubs her forehead, hearing the same words from Sookie all those years ago.

_What did you do?_

_What did I do?_

_Did you get cold feet? You can't get cold feet! We need to put some wool socks on those feet because Luke is perfect for you!_

_I know._

_He waited for you to get over Christopher. He waited for you to get over Max._

_Sookie._

_Why do you do this? Why do you make yourself miserable?_

Lorelai rubs her forehead again. "Sorry, Sweetie, I shouldn't have," Sookie says sorrowfully coming up next to her. Lorelai gives her best friend a pitiful smile.

"It's okay Sookie, there are just some things I guess you never get over. I think after all this time I'm still wishing it had been me alone to destroy what Luke and I had. I wish that I had gotten cold feet, that it all had been my fault, that there was something I could have done about it." Lorelai sighs. "It was all an illusion."

"The whole thing with Luke?"

"No, the idea that he was the perfect man. That we belonged together." Lorelai shrugs. "I let myself believe in a mirage. I was deluded."

"But you said that you guys have been getting along well since you got back," Sookie remarks.

"I think I've finally realized that we weren't meant to be. He…" Lorelai swallows hard. "He wasn't the one," she finishes softly. Sookie opens her mouth to negate this but can't think of the right words to say. Lorelai lets out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. "I better go make sure that the new maid we hired is working out." Lorelai walks out of the kitchen. Sookie watches her friend go, feeling for her and wondering if Lorelai really believes anything she just said.

* * *

When Lorelai, Lucy and Nicolas arrive at the town meeting the next evening, Kirk has already started the meeting. "People, I need a final vote. Ays?" Lorelai raises her hand with most of the people. "Nays?" Lorelai raises her hand again with just a few people. Kirk shakes his head at Lorelai. 

"Mom, do you even know what they were voting on?" Lucy asks over her mother's shoulder.

"No," Lorelai answers. "That's why I voted both ways. I just like knowing I have the freedom to exercise the right to vote. Proud to be an America, I am." Lucy nods as if this is fairly obvious but Nicolas rolls his eyes.

"Lorelai, would you and your clan like to find somewhere to sit so that you can stop disrupting the meeting?" Kirk shouts.

"Wow, more and more like him everyday, Kirk," Lorelai yells back. Kirk seems pretty pleased at this response. Martha waves to them and Nicolas motions that he's going to go sit with her and Sookie in the front. Meanwhile Loren has saved two seats next to her and Luke for Lorelai and Lucy in the back. As everyone shuffles around, talking and chattering before Kirk can take control of the meeting, Lorelai stares at the front of the room.

_This is my relationship. Mine. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Yours. But not yours. Mine and hers, but not yours. There's not going to be any more debating about whether or not it's a good idea if we're in a relationship because we're in a relationship._

"Mom!" Lucy exclaims in a loud whisper, tugging on Lorelai's jacket. Lorelai glances around and realizes that everyone's looking at her, waiting for her to sit.

"The show must go on!" Lorelai calls and then sits down with a nervous smile on her face. She glances over at Luke, who raises an eyebrow at her. Lorelai shrugs. "Just want to be consistent." Luke smiles knowingly and nods. Lorelai breathes a sigh of relief. "Loren, did we miss anything good?"

"Oh, well, Kirk forgot his gavel so he tried banging a pop can and forgot he had done that by the time he got thirsty so it exploded everywhere," Loren says. Lorelai and Lucy laugh and even Luke hides a small smile.

"Glad you sat in the back?" Lorelai asks.

"Oh we always sit in the back," Loren answers glancing at her father. He shrugs, his arms folded over his chest.

"Makes it so people know we've made an appearance without having to actually be a part of the insanity," Luke says logically.

"Oh yes, you wouldn't want to give people the idea that you actually care about this town despite the fact that you've lived here your whole life and you'd never leave," Lorelai teases. Loren and Lucy giggle, enjoying the banter. "Face it, Luke. This town is your true love."

"Loren, don't listen to her. She didn't take her medication this morning," Luke grumbles, glancing with one eye down at his daughter. Loren looks over at Lorelai just in time to see her glowering response.

Lorelai reaches in her purse and pulls out two bags of candy. She opens the bag with the red vines. "Red vines, Loren?" Lorelai offers, reaching across Lucy to allow Loren to take a few.

"Loren those are just sticks of poison," Luke warns Loren, who ignores him and takes a few. He glares at Lorelai. "Why do you have to do that?"

"Because, Adelle Davis, not all people feel that they have to eat like bunnies," Lorelai answers. She smirks, bites off a piece of a red vines and grins at him. Luke shakes his head and goes back to paying attention to the meeting. "See?" Lorelai says to Lucy. "I told you this was gonna be fun." Lorelai's eyes sparkle with mischief as she says this. Lucy giggles and chews on her red vines.

"So the signs are going up today and we expect to finally have enough money for a new sign," Kirk is saying as Lorelai finally pays attention again. She glances down the row at Luke.

"What's he talking about?" she asks, pointing at Kirk.

"You would know if you ever shut your mouth for more than a second," Luke responds.

"Oh, snap!" Lorelai replies. Luke sighs.

"The dance marathon is this weekend. They're just talking about that," he says, finally relenting to answer Lorelai's question. Her eyes light up.

"The dance marathon? Really!" she exclaims, clapping her hands together.

"Why am I afraid to ask?" Lucy mutters.

"Luce, you're going to love the dance marathon!" Lorelai promises. "Oh I'd better find a partner."

"So you can lose to Kirk again?" Luke asks.

"Hey, that last time I lost to Kirk was because you claimed you twisted your ankle and you stopped dancing!" Lorelai retorts. Loren raises an eyebrow at Luke.

"You participated in the dance marathon? You never participate in the dance marathon," Loren says with astonishment. Luke looks over at Lorelai, giving her a look that reminds her of what she's just revealed to Loren. She looks down at her hands. Kirk raises his fist in the air.

"Meeting adjourned!" he announces, banging his fist on the podium. "Ow!" he exclaims. Lorelai snickers.

"That's what you deserve old snooty-marathon winning- dancing cheater-trophy stealer-Kirk Gleason," Lorelai says.

"That'll show 'em, Mom," Lucy declares. The four of them stand and walk out of the building.

"Honey, we gotta wait for Nicolas," Lorelai reminds Lucy before the girl can head off with Loren. Lucy sighs and grabs Loren's arm to make her friend wait with her. Luke shoves his hands in his pockets as he stops by Lorelai.

"Sorry about…"

"No," Lorelai says quickly, with a wave of her hand. "Forget it. It's okay." Luke nods. "I need to finally get it though my head that I don't need to keep giving you parenting advice."

"Sometimes it's helpful," Luke admits. "I mean, come on, I had no clue what I was doing with Jess." Lorelai nods.

"No, you didn't. But nothing I said changed that," she responds. "He grew up on his own and realized what a moron he had been on his own."

"Yeah he did," Luke agrees.

"So you going to the dance marathon?" Lorelai asks. Luke doesn't look like he wants to. He shrugs.

"I don't know. Loren always seems to find some Fred Astaire-wanna be to dance with her so I have to go and serve coffee," Luke says.

"You don't dance with your daughter?"

"I know, Luther Vandross would be upset by that, but it's true." Lorelai smiles at his little joke.

"Probably because you dance spazzy."

"I do not dance spazzy," Luke insists. They smile at each as they both remember this conversation.

_You wanna dance?_

_No thanks._

_Please, I promise I will dance just as spazzy as you will._

_I do not dance spazzy._

_Then I will be the only spaz on the dance floor. Please?_

_I do not dance spazzy._

_Thank you._

"You know, I think you actually danced more spazzy than I did," Luke comments. Lorelai shrugs.

"I dance to the music. If the music is spazzy, then I'm spazzy. If the music is free flowing, then I am free flowing. If the music is quiet, then I am, well, quieter," Lorelai says. Luke nods.

"Quieter is the word. I mean compared to the Hoover Dam, I guess," Luke jokes. Lorelai lightly smacks his arm. Nicolas walks over.

"You like the town meeting?" Lorelai asks him.

"Yeah, it was pretty cool," Nicolas responds. Luke grimaces.

"I thought you said he was like his father," Luke notes. Lorelai just smiles. "Okay, well I better get home so I can open early tomorrow. You guys have a good night."

"You too, Luke," Lorelai answers, as she puts an arm around Nicolas. Luke nods to her and goes to get Loren. Lorelai watches him for a moment and then looks over at Nicolas, who has been staring at her. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just glad to see you so happy Mom," Nicolas responds. "It's been a long time since I've seen you smile like that."

"Oh, Baby Boy," Lorelai murmurs, hugging Nicolas to her with one arm. "You and your sisters make me happy. This town just lifts my spirits."


	8. Love, Your Love

**Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! Please keep reading and reviewing, I love hearing back from you!**

**Hey, anyone know where I'm getting these chapter titles from?

* * *

Chapter 8: Love, Your Love**

The dance marathon had always been Lorelai's favorite time of year. Yes, the firelight festival made her heart flutter. And she couldn't stop grinning during the end to summer festival Taylor had made up. She also liked Thanksgiving and Christmas and St. Patrick's Day. But there was something about the dance marathon that always excited something in Lorelai.

For years she had dreamed about the trophy. Literally dreamed. She once had a dream where she was 3 inches tall and was bungee jumping off of the trophy.

One time, only one time, Kirk had let her hold the trophy. She let her hands travel over the smooth metal. She had breathed in the fresh scent of sparkling gold. She had held it close to her, feeling how it had fit, perfectly hugged against her body. And then Kirk had ripped it out of her hands and never let her near it again.

The dance marathon always set off an adrenaline rush within Lorelai. Competition, that was her thing and she had a willingness to do anything and everything just to win. One year she had allowed herself to wear flats (flats!) just to stay dancing the whole time. She had dealt with Harry 'Ho-Ho' and even allowed the young Steward kid be her partner because he seemed spry, even though it would seem that she was pulling a Mary Kay Latourneau. And the first year that she had been dating Luke, she had let him out of accompanying her to the dance just so she could win. She had known he would never be willing to dance the entire time, no matter how many hairflips she did or how slutty her dress was.

But the last year before she left Stars Hollow had been different. It was the first dance marathon she would be attending without Rory. For some reason, she still wanted to go. And Luke was being the man he had been the entire time during Rory's disappearance from her life. Before she even had to ask, Luke had told Lorelai he would be her partner. She was never so grateful for his existence in her life. To attend her favorite event of the year without Rory was incomprehensible, but Luke had known she would still want to go.

Without Rory, everything had been different. Even dancing with Luke didn't hold as much excitement has it once had because her heart was broken in pieces. The only thing that had kept going through her mind the entire time she danced with Luke was the conversation she had once had with Rory about Luke's dancing.

_And then we danced._

_Danced how?_

_We pop-locked._

_Was it a fast dance? A slow dance? A group dance?_

_It was a slow dance. What is a group dance?_

_The hustle. The hora._

_No hustle. No hora. It was a slow dance, a waltz. Luke can waltz._

_Luke can waltz!_

_Luke can waltz._

_Look how you just said 'Luke can waltz'._

_What I'm saying, I'm surprised Luke can waltz._

_That sounded more like 'I'm surprised I still have my clothes on'._

And as she had waltzed with Luke that night at the dance marathon, him holding her close in his arms, all she could see was Rory. Her beautiful daughter grinning at her mother's foolishness, teasing her until she was embarrassed, but still excited at the thought of possibly dating Luke. Somehow the dance marathon hadn't seemed that magical anymore. Yet, Luke was there, and she had been thankful every moment for his presence.

In the early hours of the morning, Lorelai walks her sleepy children up to the dance marathon. "Mom, if I weren't so tired, I'd go find myself a lawyer because this is cruel and unusual punishment," Lucy whines, leaning her head on Lorelai's shoulder. Lorelai wraps and arm around her daughter.

"Want to tell me what I'm punishing you for?" Lorelai asks. Lucy raises an eye up to Lorelai who smiles down at her daughter. "You'll thank me later, I promise, when that trophy is settled safely in our arms, you'll thank me." They walk up to the table where Patty stands.

"Hello there Lorelai, so good to have you participating in this again," Patty says.

"You know I wouldn't miss this for anything. That chance to finally hold that trophy above my head and say 'haha Kirk you suck' is something that I've always looked forward to," Lorelai replies.

"Oh Lorelai, then you should know that Kirk hasn't participated in a few years," Patty informed her. "He has to run the marathon." Lorelai's mouth drops open.

"No!" she gasps. She covers her mouth with her hand.

"I hope that won't keep you from participating," Patty says. Lorelai pouts.

"Mom, you got us up at 5 in the morning to get ready for this. If you expect us to just go home and go back to sleep because you're being crabby, you've got another thing coming," Lucy tells her. Lorelai nods Lucy.

"Okay, well, fine," Lorelai grumps. "Sign Lucy and me up as a pair and Nicolas…" She glances over at her son, who's looking away as if searching for something. "Nicolas?" He glances up at her and then notices Patty and Lucy staring at him.

"Yeah?" Lorelai smiles, clamping a hand on Nicolas's shoulder.

"Nicolas is going to be partnered with Martha Belleville, right Nicky?" Lorelai teases.

"Mo-om," Nicolas whines. He finally sees Sookie, Jackson and Martha walking up. Martha gives Nicolas a flirty smile. Patty gets that knowing smile on her face as she glances between the two of them and Lucy wakes up just enough to sneer.

"Oh, good choice there young Gilmore," Patty says. Nicolas glares at her.

"It's O'Donnell," he snaps. Patty's eyes fly open as glances up at Lorelai, who looks saddened by Nicolas's harsh response.

"Nicolas!" Lorelai admonishes him, but he just shakes his head staring at the ground. The Bellevilles walk over.

"Hey, what's going on?" Sookie greets them. Lorelai shakes her head, points to Nicolas and mouths that he's in a crappy mood. Sookie's mouth forms an 'O' and she nods. "Hi, Patty, did you register Nicolas and Martha?"

"Just doing that now, Honey. You know, you two make a beautiful couple," Patty tells them. Martha grins, glancing at Nicolas, who hides his head in shame. "I always say it's a good idea to go for the younger man, they always keep that little bit of innocence about them." Lorelai watches Nicolas try to sink into the floor.

"Oh Patty, leave the poor kids alone before he takes off faster than Jesse Owens," Lorelai says, patting Nicolas's shoulder.

"Come on," Martha says to Nicolas, taking his hand and leading him away. Lorelai and Sookie both watch them go and then share a smile.

"Oh no Sookie, you have that look in your eyes," Jackson realizes. Sookie gives him an innocent look. "Oh don't play that with me, I know when you're up to something. I can already see the wedding ideas forming in your mind."

"Wedding!" Lorelai exclaims. "He's 15. Jackson, Sweetie, I think that you've gone 'round the bend."

"I know you two. It would just be so perfect. Your son. Your daughter. Together. Would be the happiest moment of your lives," Jackson complains.

"Oh Jackson, you know the happiest moment of my life was when Bruce Springsteen decided he was doing one more final tour," Lorelai tells him.

"Oh you girls are so cruel," Patty scolds them. "Here you go, all set, just go get your physical and I'll see you on the dance floor."

"Thank you Patty," Lorelai says, looping her arm through Lucy's and leading her over to the table to get their physicals done.

After Lorelai and Lucy are done with their physicals, they head over to the gym to get ready for the marathon. Spying Luke's coffee table, Lorelai grabs Lucy's hand, pulling Lucy along after her. "Hey Burger Boy!" Lorelai exclaims, excited for her coffee. Luke just folds his arms over his chest and stares at her. "Coffee," Lorelai reminds him, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot.

"How did you ever make it for fifteen years without my coffee?" Luke wonders.

"I still can't believe I did. I used to dream about it at night. The beautiful warm brown liquid. Ah, I could almost taste it," Lorelai says dreamily, her eyes closed. When she opens them to find Luke still glaring at her, Lorelai grins. "And you thought I just left and forgot you." Luke presses his lips together, slowly drawing in a breath. Lorelai's smile disappears as she grimaces. Luke grabs a cup and fills it with coffee and hands it to her. She smiles softly with gratitude. "Just what I needed." Luke nods and glances at Lucy.

"Coffee?" Luke asks her. Lucy nods voraciously. "Of course." He fills a cup for her and hands it to her. "I would tell you that coffee's going to stunt your growth but obviously you're too tall for that. I would tell you that coffee's going to kill you soon, but your mother is somehow still alive. So I'll just warn you that coffee is the root of every one of the world's problems." Lorelai snorts.

"You're hilarious," Lorelai responds.

"I'm just saying, drugs in South America because coffee wasn't selling well, problems in the UN too many people too hopped up on caffeine," Luke grumbles his response.

"Wow, you literally are Anti-Society Man," Lorelai states. "Come on, Luce, I wouldn't want you to lose your faith in the world." Lorelai grabs Lucy's hand and drags her out on the dance floor. Luke shakes his head and goes back to making coffee.

Later after the run around, Lucy goes off in search of sandwiches as Lorelai notices Sookie and Jackson talking to Luke. She walks over to where they stand. "I just can't believe how excited you are that they're dating!" Jackson exclaims. Lorelai raises an eyebrow at Luke.

"Who? Paris Hilton's new boyfriend?" Lorelai asks.

"Yes, that exactly what Jackson is talking about. Paris Hilton's new boyfriend," Luke replies sarcastically. Lorelai glares at him.

"I just think you need to give the kids a break. Don't plan their wedding the moment they start dating!" Jackson exclaims. Sookie rolls her eyes.

"I'm guessing you're talking about my son dating your daughter?" Lorelai concludes.

"Ladies and Gentleman, let me introduce you to the newest member of mensa," Luke grouses.

"Thank you for your commentary Luke, but I'm trying to have a discussion with Sookie and Jackson," Lorelai snaps at him.

"Funny, but I was the one originally in this conversation. You're the one who butted in as if it's your business every time I have a conversation with Sookie," Luke responds. Lorelai scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. Sookie and Jackson share a tense look.

"I'm just wondering what's going on, do I have to ask your permission to join in a conversation, Luke?" Lorelai retorts.

"It would be nice for you to realize for a moment that you're not the center of every universe, that sometimes people can have a conversation that doesn't include you."

"I wasn't saying that!" Lorelai cries.

"That is exactly what you were meaning, Lorelai!"

"Ug!" Lorelai groans, throwing her arms in the air. "You would think that after all these years you would understand that you don't always know what I'm meaning!"

"Okay, Lorelai, Luke," Sookie says softly, quickly grabbing each of their arms. "People are starting to stare, which is surprising that they can concentrate on anything after being awake since 6 in the morning and surviving on Mrs. Kim's egg salad sandwiches alone." Lorelai looks away, feeling bad about getting into the fight in front of the entire town. Luke sighs, his hands going to his hips as he stares down at the ground.

_I can admit it. I have no trouble telling someone something, no matter how uncomfortable that might make them._

_Wow. They'll be debating the subtle complexities of that comment for years._

_Okay, did I miss something?_

_Lorelai and Luke are fighting._

_We're not fighting._

_No, we don't fight in front of company._

_It's rude._

_And we wouldn't want to be rude._

_It's fine just eat. What's that?_

_Chicken and dumplings._

_Who the hell made chicken and dumplings?_

_Sookie! Our guest, who we wouldn't want to be rude to!_

Lorelai draws in a deep breath, still remembering the last time Sookie and Jackson witnessed an argument between her and Luke. She knows she's argued with many people in her life: her parents, Rory, Christopher. But fighting with Luke had been so much harder, drained more energy out of her than any other fight before or after. And it had always been the hardest ones to get over. The argument after Jess crashed Rory's car. The argument when Lorelai found out Luke had moved in with Nicole. The argument after Luke found out about Lorelai spending time with Christopher before their break up at her parents' vow renewal. The times they were fighting were some of the worst memories that Lorelai could remember.

"Sorry Sookie," Lorelai says softly. Sookie rubs Lorelai's arm giving her a sympathetic look.

"It's fine, sometimes you gotta blow off steam. But starting a fight about Paris Hilton's boyfriend is a little unusual," Sookie remarks. Lorelai looks at Sookie, her pouty face slowly forming into a smile as she realizes how stupid the argument must have sounded. Lorelai peeks a look over at Luke, who is also trying to hide a smile. He nods to her, letting her know it's okay.

"So no one is going to answer my question?" Jackson asks. Lorelai turns her full attention back to Jackson.

"You mean about Nicolas and Martha?" Lorelai questions. Jackson nods. "Well I think that they're a little young for Sookie and I to be thinking about the future. I mean it is kinda cute though."

"That's exactly what I'm saying!" Jackson exclaims. Sookie giggles.

"Well that's exactly what I've been saying, Honey," Sookie says. Jackson looks confused. "You're so funny, Jackson. You worry about the craziest things. Sometimes it's fun just to pull your leg."

"Well I'm not sure whether or not I should appreciate that," Jackson responds, almost pouting.

"Look Jackson, I know that Martha and Nicolas are young. He's younger than she is!" Sookie says.

"Which is kinda strange," Lorelai remarks. Jackson raises an eyebrow.

"I never thought you were one to be against unusual couplings, Lorelai. Just because he's younger doesn't make it a bad thing," Jackson notes.

"I'm not saying that!" Lorelai cries. She shakes her head. "Why do I not seem able to explain myself today?" she mutters.

"I mean, among us we've seen our share of unusual romances. Kirk and Lulu for one," Jackson comments.

"Michel and anyone," Sookie adds.

"You and Mandy," Jackson asserts, pointing to Luke. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows as she glances at Luke, who responds by sighing and shaking his head. "You didn't know that Mandy was quite a bit younger than him?"

"Jackson," Luke warns. Lorelai glances between the two of them.

"Quite a bit? How young?" Lorelai inquires. Sookie and Jackson stare at Luke waiting for him to answer.

"25," Luke mumbles. Lorelai's mouth drops open as she gasps.

"Excuse me, what?" she asks, bewildered. Luke glares at her with one eye. He clears his throat and straightens himself up.

"She was 25 when she had Loren," Luke answers.

"Oh. My God," Lorelai reacts, emphasizing the 'my'.

"It's not a big deal, you were 16," Luke mutters. Lorelai scoffs, her hands going to her hips.

"Yeah but Christopher wasn't 40!" she cries. "Who are you, Tom Cruise?" Luke shrugs. "Luke, Rory was 23 when Mandy had Loren!"

"Rory's not my daughter," Luke replies evenly. Lorelai looks almost disgusted with his response.

"Yeah, I know that," Lorelai says. She looks down, unsure of why she's reacting like that.

"Hey, Moms, I brought you an extremely tasty egg salad sandwich," Lucy says walking over and handing Lorelai the sandwich wrapped in a napkin. Lorelai wrinkles her nose in disgust.

"It's healthy, why would she eat it?" Luke asks Lucy, who grins. Lorelai gives him a defiant look. Then she opens the napkin just a bit and takes a bite of the sandwich. Luke folds his arms as he watches her slowly chew and swallow, her face expressing extreme distaste. He smirks. "Tasty?" he asks.

"Oh, the best," Lorelai lies. Luke chuckles.

"I can't believe you just ate that," Luke says with disbelief in his voice.

"You dared me!"

"Yeah, but you didn't have to take me up on it."

"I am Lorelai Gilmore. I show no fear. Someone dares me to do something, I'll do it," Lorelai answers. Luke laughs. Lucy is enjoying the banter between the two but notices Loren walk in the gym.

"I'll be back," Lucy says quickly and runs over to Loren. Lorelai waves to her daughter but continues her banter with Luke. "Loren!" Lucy exclaims, grabbing Loren's arm and pulling her away from the grownups.

"What's up Luce?" Loren asks.

"What do you know about my mom and your dad?" Lucy asks. Loren glances over at Lorelai subtly flirting with Luke. She shrugs.

"Not much, nothing that I didn't read in Star magazine," Loren quips.

"I'm serious Lorie!" Lucy exclaims. Loren raises her eyebrows in surprise. "I think there might be something there."

"Something like…?"

"Something like, you know, something. Maybe. Has your dad ever dated anyone while you were growing up?" Lucy asks. Loren shakes her head.

"Not that he would tell me though, I think he wants me to think he's a monk," Loren answers. Lucy giggles.

"Mom was really upset when my dad died. I don't think I ever saw her truly smile until we came here, until we started spending time with you guys. And now look at her. Smiling. Laughing." This even makes Lucy smile as she observes her mother from a distance.

"You think that our parents should get together?" Loren wonders. Lucy shrugs.

"It's a thought. I mean, they get along well. And there does seem to be something there." Loren nods.

"There does," Loren agrees.

"And just think, we could be sisters!" Loren grabs Lucy's arms.

"Hold it a sec, don't get your hopes up. I mean, would you be okay with your mom dating so soon after your dad?" Loren asks. Lucy shrugs.

"Yeah, I mean, if she's happy, that's all I want. I mean Rory wanted Mom with her dad, Christopher, but that didn't work. All she wanted was for Mom to be happy, that's what she always told me when I asked if she was okay with my dad." Loren nods. "I just think if we helped, you know, pushed them together a little, maybe they'd see what we see." Loren is quiet watching Lorelai and Luke for a moment.

"Yeah, I think you're right, there's something there," Loren says softly, a smile slowly coming over her face. She glances over at her friend. "We'll just have to play a little game of Cupid."

It's now getting into the last few hours of the dance marathon and there are very few couples left. Martha and Nicolas gave up. She left with Sookie and Jackson and he has climbed onto the bleachers to sleep. Meanwhile Lucy and Lorelai still remain. Loren is chatting with Luke over by the coffee stand. "I'm not sure how much longer I can stand up Lucy," Lorelai complains.

"Mom, I thought winning this trophy was important to you," Lucy responds, surprising herself with her lack of exhaustion.

"It is, but so is being able to walk when I'm 80," Lorelai whines. Lucy smiles. She lays her head on Lorelai's shoulder and looks over at Luke and Loren.

"You want a break?" Lucy asks.

"No, I take a break, I'm done. I'm cooked. I'm through," Lorelai mumbles. "Just hold me up there Sweets."

"Can I take a break?" Lucy asks. Lorelai moans.

"I'll fall over. You've seen the commercial. 'I've fallen and I can't get up'. That's me. I'll be Lorelai Fletcher." Lucy giggles.

"How about I get someone else to hold you up?" Lucy suggests. Lorelai doesn't respond at first. "Mom?"

"Okay, but if it's Kirk, I'm going to retaliate as soon as I can move again," Lorelai warns. Lucy laughs.

"Can you stand up for a minute by yourself?" Lucy asks. Lorelai nods and moans an affirmative. "Okay." She waves her yellow card and stands Lorelai up, but Lorelai's eyes stay mostly closed as she sways slightly. "Stay right there," Lucy tells her. She runs over to the coffee stand.

"Hey, Luke, I need a break, can you make sure my mom's still standing when I get back, thanks. Come on Loren," Lucy says quickly. She grabs Loren's hand and drags her off.

"Lucy, I – " He stops as he realizes he's getting no response from them since they're already gone. Sighing Luke looks over at Lorelai, who looks very shaky in her heels. He walks over to her, placing a hand on her waist and taking her hand in his.

"Luke?" Lorelai mumbles and slowly lifts her face to look up at him, confusion spreads over her face.

"Lucy took a break," Luke tells her, not knowing if she realized that.

"Oh," is all Lorelai can manage as she stares up at him, remembering a first dance from years ago. She can still hear the music that played as they dance.

_And now that I've worn out, I've worn out the world  
I'm on my knees in fascination  
Looking through the night  
And the moon's never seen me before  
But I'm reflecting light_

"You've been practicing," Lorelai mumbles. Luke cocks his head. "Dancing, you still do that well."

"Oh, well, I get out my Paula Abdul videos every once in awhile just to make sure I can still do it," Luke jokes as a hint of a smile appears on Lorelai's face.

"I remember that you used to dance very well," Lorelai tells him. Luke shrugs.

"I don't know about very well," he says modestly.

"Oh, it was to me. I even told Rory that." Luke smiles, embarrassed.

"I thought you said it was spazzy," Luke remarks. Lorelai grins.

"Yeah, spazzy but nice. We fit well together," she answers and then swallows. "I mean, we used to dance well together." Luke nods.

"I remember," he responds, his voice low and gruff.

_This was fun._

_Yeah, it was._

_So, hard to figure out which part of the evening was my favorite._

_-_

_And it might be the dance._

_Really?_

_Have you been taking lessons?_

_That was all God-given talent._

_It was fun._

_Yeah it was._

Lorelai looks up at Luke, staring into his eyes as they dance, somehow finding the energy to dance once again. "We still seem to dance well together," she whispers. Luke nods, not taking his eyes off of her. Lorelai smiles to herself, laying her head on his shoulder, too tired to hold it up any longer. Luke rests his head against her hair, holding her close, just hoping to keep her upright. Both too tired to consider what else might be going on between them.

Across the room, Loren and Lucy watch their parents dance together. "Lucy, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," Loren says, grinning.

"Or something more than that," Lucy adds. They look at each other and giggle.


	9. Just Shouldn't Be Thrown Away

** I'm so so grateful for all your reviews! I love how you guys are all theorizing about Lorelai and Luke's missing 15 years. It's great to read all your different ideas.

* * *

****Chapter 9: Just Shouldn't Be Thrown Away**

A few weeks later, Lorelai walks with Lucy and Nicolas over to Sookie's for the first of their three Thanksgiving dinners. "You guys ready? Because we're about to become eating champions," Lorelai tells her kids as they walk up to Sookie's house. Lucy looks a little nervous about it but Nicolas is looking for Martha. Sookie walks out on to the porch of her house. Lorelai waves.

"Hey guys, Happy Thanksgiving!" Sookie calls.

"Thanks Sookie!" Lucy calls back. They walk up to the porch.

"I need to warn you, things have gone incredibly wrong here," Sookie tells them.

"Aw, did you let Jackson deep fry the turkey again?" Lorelai asks. Lucy's eyebrows go up at that suggestion as she tries to keep from laughing.

"No, I was making the turkey. But then I put it in the oven and convinced Jackson to go for a walk."

"And who did you leave in charge of the turkey?" Lorelai asks. Sookie looks down.

"Davey," she mumbles. Lorelai snickers.

"Oh Sook, that boy is all brawn and no brains, at least when it comes to a talent for cooking," Lorelai says, laughter in her voice. Sookie shrugs sadly. "But, he can throw a football like no other," Lorelai adds, trying to cheer Sookie up. Martha walks out onto the porch.

"He can?" Sookie asks. Lorelai shrugs.

"That's what I hear. That's what he does, right? Throw a football? Or is it toss?" Lorelai glances at Lucy who shrugs. Martha giggles.

"If he was a quarterback, he'd throw the football. But he's a wide receiver so he just catches it," Martha tells them.

"Oh, well then, ya learn something everyday," Lorelai figures shrugging. She looks over at Nicolas and follows his gaze over to Martha. "Go on," she teases, nudging Nicolas.

"Oh yeah, I heard that the new hot couple at school is Martha and the new kid," Sookie kids.

"Aw, Martha got the new kid. Rory had the new kid once too," Lorelai recalls.

"Oh right, she and Dean were so cute together," Sookie says. Lorelai nods.

"He was a great first boyfriend to her," Lorelai agrees. She looks over at Nicolas who is red with embarrassment. "Well, go talk to your girlfriend."

"Kisses!" Sookie teases. Martha just rolls her eyes, not really embarrassed by the whole thing. Nicolas shakes his head at his mother.

"You know what I've learned about small towns like this?" he asks. Lorelai crosses her arms over her chest leaning back. "Everyone knows everything about everyone."

"Oh you love it," Lucy insists.

"That's not true!" Lorelai exclaims. Sookie raises an eyebrow at Lorelai.

"Uh, yeah Lorelai, where have you been living?" Sookie responds. Lorelai smiles, letting the fact that she just moved back to Stars Hollow roll off her back.

"Now I'm sure there are things that not everyone knows," Lorelai claims.

"Like what?" Sookie asks. Lorelai purses her lips thinking for a moment.

"Oh! Michel wears pink and shiny underwear," Lorelai recalls. No one says a word as they glance at each other. Lorelai huffs. "Why does that revelation always get this response?" she mutters.

"You've told other people?" Sookie asks.

"Well, Rory, Christopher, Luke, I mean, when it happened," Lorelai responds. She shrugs. "I guess all of their minds were elsewhere."

_This is a very bad story._

_It wasn't that bad._

_This is the second time I've told it. Both times, crickets. I mean, Rory and Christopher looked at me like I was Pauly Shore._

_Christopher?_

_Rory's dad. He came in for lunch today. I had lunch with him today. And Rory. Had lunch with Rory and Christopher. And Gigi, his daughter with Sherry, he brought her cuz Sherry moved to France and he's a full time Dad now and we all had lunch. All of us, together, today. And when I told the Bathroom Bandit story, they all acted like that, except Gigi, who spit up, cuz she's a baby. That's what they do._

_Okay._

_Okay._

"Well it was just a surprising revelation," Lucy says, trying to comfort Lorelai, as she pats her mother's arm.

"And yet, not so surprising," Sookie realizes. She and Lorelai share a smile.

"Mom, we're going to…" Nicolas trails off, motioning to Martha.

"Go, go, leave, Mommy's not cool enough to hang around, I understand," Lorelai says, feigning hurt.

"You better work on your act before you call Broadway," Nicolas deadpans and then walks up the porch, takes Martha's hand and they walk inside the house. Lucy giggles.

"Just remember, when you get your first crush, that you laughed at him," Lorelai warns Lucy, who quickly sobers. Lorelai smiles at Sookie. "It's okay about the turkey, we don't need a lot."

"Oh right, how many dinners are you planning this time?" Sookie asks.

"Three," Lorelai responds, raising three fingers. "Yours. Luke's. Mom's."

"She's still doing that?" Sookie asks, a little surprised. Lorelai nods, eyebrow wiggling.

"Oh yeah, Emily Gilmore will be the hostess with the mostest until she's six feet under," Lorelai confirms. "So that means that Nicolas will probably eat a lot but Lucy and I will just share a slice of pie so we can have enough room for everything."

"Sounds good," Sookie says, giggling. "You and Rory always worked that out well."

"Oh, Rory and I were gold medalists," Lorelai answers.

"Hey I heard she's coming in town soon," Sookie says. Lorelai nods.

"Yup next month, she's bringing Lily with her. I can't wait," Lorelai responds.

"It'll be good to have all the Gilmore Girls back in Stars Hollow again." Lorelai nods, a fond smile on her face. She wraps an arm around Lucy and winks at her daughter.

* * *

"Hello Danes's!" Lorelai calls opening the door to the diner, allowing Lucy and Nicolas to walk in ahead of her. Luke walks out of the kitchen and waves to them. Lorelai smiles and walks up to Luke, holding up flowers between the two of them, but standing close to him. Luke looks down at the flowers. 

"This again?" Luke asks, faking disappointment as usual. Lorelai rolls her eyes.

"Beware of Greek gods bearing gifts," Lorelai says in a low, almost seductive voice. Luke's eyebrow shoots up as Lorelai grins at her little joke. "Get around to buying a vase yet?"

"Oh, I have one!" Loren exclaims, running up to the room above. Lorelai glances up, confused.

"If you live in the townhouse, what's upstairs?" Lorelai asks.

"What do you care?" Luke answers. They stare at each other a moment, Lorelai's smile fading. Luke sighs. "I'm just saying..."

"Message sent," Lorelai replies angrily. She hands Luke the flowers and walks over to talk to Babette. Luke looks down at the flowers, as if surprised to find them suddenly in his hands. He looks up at Nicolas, as if mystified.

"I – I didn't mean…" Luke attempts. Nicolas nods.

"I know," Nicolas says. They share a look, as if sharing an understanding about Lorelai. She has now stopped talking to Babette and looks over at them, arms crossed, foot tapping.

"Where's our table?" she asks, annoyance in her voice. Luke sighs. Loren runs down the stairs with a vase. Luke grimaces.

"Actually, we usually put the flowers on the counter," Luke tells Loren, who looks a little confused. Luke glances at Lorelai, whose expression slowly melts.

"He's right, Loren. It's our secret agreement," Lorelai says. Luke nods. He lays the flowers on the counter and motions to their table. Then he goes in the back with Loren following him and they bring out the food. Lorelai sits down at the table, Lucy across from her and Nicolas to her right. She smiles glancing at her children and then looking around the place, that seems almost festive even with its lack of decorations.

_Full day._

_Yeah. Well, you can skip eating this one if you want. Just have Cokes or something, it's no big deal._

_No way, you're the main event today, my friend._

_Oh, good._

Luke and Loren walk out of the back with the plates setting one in front of each of them. Luke puts his hands on his hips after he sets the last one down and glances at each of the leftover seats, as if wondering which seat is his. Lorelai pats the seat next to her. "Take a load off, Luke. Even lumberjacks need a day of rest," she teases. Luke nods, clearing his throat, and pulls out the chair to sit down. Loren sits in the other extra chair between Luke and Lucy.

Luke pulls up his sleeves as he watches them all start to eat. "Shouldn't we give thanks?" he asks. Lorelai rolls her eyes, setting her fork down.

"You tried this once before," she reminds him. Lucy and Loren share a look.

"Well, yeah, but I thought these kids would be more receptive," Luke figures.

"Give it a go," Lorelai says, motioning for him to continue.

"Well I guess I should just give thanks that we're here together, and for this food, and that we're not, you know, ending up like this turkey we're about to consume," Luke says in his own way. He glances over at Lorelai as if wondering if he did a good job. She nods, smiling. Lucy looks down at her plate, suddenly wrinkling her nose. Nicolas shrugs and starts eating.

"That was well thought out," Lorelai says, winking at Loren. She picks up her fork and starts eating.

"So you guys already went to Sookie's?" Luke asks.

"Yup, and all we've got left is Grandma's," Lucy responds.

"You going to make it?" Luke asks, looking at Lorelai. She raises an eyebrow.

"You talking to me?" Lorelai wonders in surprised. Luke shrugs.

"No, I guess not," he mutters and starts eating. Lorelai shakes her head at him and starts taking some marshmallows off his plate. "Did you guys have a good time at Sookie's?" Luke asks Lucy and Nicolas, ignoring what Lorelai's doing.

"Seriously, does everyone have to bug me about this?" Nicolas grumbles. Luke pauses his eating and stares at Nicolas, not sure what he's talking about.

"Oh, um, Mom and Sookie harassed him about dating Martha," Lucy informs Luke, who glances over at Lorelai.

"Those kind of things are in the Mom handbook," Lorelai claims. Luke shakes his head.

"Just do what I do, Nick. Ignore your mother when she's being impossible," Luke advises. Nicolas nods, still eating.

"That's some good advice," Nicolas agrees. Lorelai's mouth gapes as she pretends to be upset at this. Luke just smiles at her and winks.

"You know, there are some things I don't want you teaching my son, Luke. Like not listening to his mother," Lorelai says.

"Oh I wasn't saying that, Lorelai," Luke says. "I didn't tell him not to mind you. I merely suggested that he take your teasing like a man." Lorelai smirks.

"Because you always did," Lorelai responds.

"Exactly."

"I remember someone getting upset when I made fun of his small apartment and single bed!"

"I did not!" Luke insists. They both pause eating, trying to remember.

_And make matters worse, she spots it: the single bed._

_What's wrong with a single bed?_

_You know what they say._

_No, what do they say?_

_Never, ever date a guy with a single bed, it means he's not open for commitment._

_What?_

_It says there's no room in this life for anybody but me._

_No, it says there's no room in this bed for anyone but me._

_Okay, see, that's not a whole lot better._

_This discussion is over._

Luke glances over at Lorelai. "I think I did get a little defensive," Luke realizes. Lorelai nods, smirking.

"Yeah, just a little," she agrees, knowing it was more than a little. Luke sighs, taking another bite of food.

"So, Nick, just don't use me as a role model is what your mom is saying," Luke tells him. Nicolas looks up from his food at Lorelai, who is chewing and smiling at the same time. He's unsure about how he's supposed to respond to this, but Lorelai just chews and waits. Nicolas shrugs.

"You're a pretty all right role model," Nicolas finally decides. "You seem to do a pretty good job handling Mom." Lorelai nods, impressed with Nicolas's choice of words. She takes another bite of food as she glances over at Luke, who cocks his head, looking over at her.

"I try my hardest," Luke finally says. Lorelai grins.

* * *

Lorelai grips a hand of each of her children as she stands in front of the door to the Gilmore mansion. "Okay, now we all know the plan, right?" Lorelai asks tensely. Lucy and Nicolas share a look. 

"You sure you don't want to just turn around and go back home?" Nicolas asks. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, I can't. Guilt will get the best of me and it will eat me up inside until I'm nothing but a shell of decomposing Lorelai," she responds. Lucy wrinkles her nose, disgusted at the picture Lorelai's laid out for her. Lorelai groans. "Just ring the bell!" Lucy raises an eyebrow but does as told.

Within seconds, Emily has opened the door. "Hi Mom," Lorelai says, smiling broadly. Emily reaches out and grabs Lorelai's arm.

"Get in here," Emily demands, yanking her daughter into the house. Lorelai pulls her arm back, almost wincing in pain, sharing a confused look with Nicolas.

"Ow, Mom! You want me to have two arms or one by the end of the night?" Lorelai whines as she rubs her arm. "What crawled up and bit you tonight?"

"I don't want any of that nonsense from you Lorelai, you promised you would be here an hour ago and here I am trying to entertain the most boring people since William Henry Harrison finished his inaugural address," Emily says.

"I never said what time we would be here. You said 6:30 and I said we probably wouldn't make it by then. But then again, I should know by now that every word that comes out of my mouth just gets lost inside your head," Lorelai responds. Emily gives her a sour look.

"It's Thanksgiving Lorelai. Thanksgiving dinner always begins at 6:30, you would think after all these years you could remember that fact," Emily snaps. Lorelai's eyes fly open.

"Yeah, after all these years, when's the last time I came here for Thanksgiving?" Lorelai retorts.

"Well you should have been here the past 16 years, that's the least that any daughter could do. But no, you had to get on your high horse when your daughter needed a few months to figure out her life and not spend time with her at Thanksgiving and then you had to destroy the only other relationship that you said meant anything to you and run away all the way across the country," Emily sneers. Nicolas and Lucy share a look, never having really understood why Lorelai left Connecticut or why she would never go back. Lorelai simmers, feeling her children's eyes boring into her back. She looks down at the ground shaking her head and then rubbing her forehead, still trying to regain her composure. Finally Lorelai looks back up at her mother, plastering a smile over her face.

"Well, we're here now. So if you want us to stay, I'll play nice and go have some mind-numbing conversation with your guests and in exchange you have to agree to take back everything you just said and pretend it never left your lips and promise never to return to that subject again," Lorelai says evenly. Emily stares at her, as if deciding whether to weaken in front of her daughter. She glances at Lucy, who seems uncertain about whether she really wants to be there anymore, and realizes that for the moment, there are more important things to do than fight with her 53 year-old daughter.

"Follow me," Emily says stiffly. She walks them towards the living room. Nicolas reaches out to touch Lorelai's arm, offer some small bit of comfort, but she shrugs him off. Pausing in the doorway to the living room, Lorelai stares at the scene she's about to enter. Emily gives her a hard look so Lorelai motions for Lucy and Nicolas to walk in first and they sit on the couch. Lorelai follows and sits on Nicolas's other side. "Gloria, James and Marina, let me introduce you to my daughter, Lorelai and her children, Lucy and Nicolas."

"Oh, I believe we've met you before, haven't we James?" Gloria asks James, who shrugs as if he couldn't really care. "Yes, it was years ago at one of your mother's Christmas parties." Lorelai smiles.

"Ah, yes, one of her two week early Christmas parties," Lorelai says. Emily gives Lorelai a warning look. "That was probably years ago."

"Yes, in fact, it was. Almost twenty years I believe, my your daughter has grown," Gloria says. Lorelai glances at Lucy confused.

"Gloria, I believe you're talking about Lorelai's older daughter, Rory," Emily interjects. A realization comes over Lorelai's face and she nods.

"Oh yeah, probably," Lorelai concurs.

"Rory, yes, that sounds more familiar," Gloria says, a plastic smile on her face. Lorelai gives Emily an annoyed look. "How is Rory?"

"Rory lives in DC now with her husband and three children. She works for the Washington Post," Emily informs them, always pleased to talk about Rory.

"My, three children, such an age difference between her and your younger ones," Marina notes as if Nicolas and Lucy aren't even in the room. Lorelai sighs, frustrated with always having to explain her situation.

"Lorelai didn't marry Rory's father. She had Rory at a young age and moved out San Francisco where she met Nicolas and Lucy's father," Emily says. Lorelai clenches her fists, trying to control her anger.

"Well that's lovely, and where is your husband today?" Marina asks. Lorelai huffs, closing her eyes and shaking her head. Lucy puts an arm around Lorelai's shoulders, patting her hand. Nicolas leans in closer to his mother as well.

"Dad died almost a year ago," Lucy explains softly, believing that this is the true reason for her mother's frustration. Marina's hand flies to her mouth, suddenly realizing that she's intruded to far. Lorelai opens her eyes and smiles weakly.

"I apologize, Lorelai dear. I didn't realize. You poor dear, and after all of that having to leave your home and move across the country," Marina says sympathetically.

"I, uh, I wanted to move back. I raised Rory in Stars Hollow and that's where I moved us to. It just felt like we needed to go back home," Lorelai responds, not really knowing why she's suddenly opening up to this woman.

"May I ask you something, Lorelai?" Gloria asks. Lorelai nods, motioning for her to continue. "My younger daughter is going through a terrible divorce. After they got married, she moved with her husband to New York City, you see he's in business, and now she just told me she's thinking about coming back. Is that what you would suggest?" Lorelai shrugs.

"I suppose I would tell her to go to whatever place feels like home," Lorelai replies softly.

_Oh hey turn out the lights._

_For what? It's not the real procession, it's just the rehearsal._

_So? It's pretty._

_And why do they need to rehearse it? It's the same thing every year._

_Come on Luke, please? It's hard to imagine living somewhere else isn't it?_

_Thanks for the hat._

_You're welcome. Looks good on you._

_Good how?_

_Just watch the procession._

"Tell her to go where she can be with the people who will be a comfort to her and to a place that seems familiar," Lorelai whispers, staring down at her hands. Emily watches her daughter from a distance, knowing that Lorelai's mind has drifted elsewhere.

"I think you should tell her to come home to you, Gloria. I'm sure you want to spend time with your grandson," Emily adds. Lorelai glances up at Emily, as if wondering what Emily's insinuating.

"I just wonder if my grandson will be okay with the move," Gloria says.

"If it's somewhere that your daughter feels at home, then her son will feel at home too," Nicolas responds. Emily raises an eyebrow. Lorelai gives him an appreciative smile. "Stars Hollow already feels like home to me. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else." Lorelai puts an arm around Nicolas, kissing the top of his head. She glances over at Lucy and winks.

"Well, I suppose dinner is ready," Emily says stiffly, wishing one more time that Lorelai felt at home in Hartford. Gloria, Marina and James stand and walk into the dining room. Lorelai, Lucy and Nicolas stand. Emily watches them for a moment. "Lorelai, if Stars Hollow is so much a home to you, then why did you leave?" Lorelai glances back at Emily as she pushes Lucy and Nicolas ahead of her into the dining room.

"Because I wasn't sure anymore," Lorelai replies simply.


	10. I Will Be There

**Chapter 10: I Will Be There**

About a week later, Lorelai walks into the diner for her early morning coffee. Lorelai is surprised to see that it's Loren walking around waiting on tables, a clean white apron tied around the girl's waist. Seeing Lorelai walk in, Loren nods to her and motions that she'll be over in a moment. Lorelai glances around and finds a small table by the window unoccupied and sits to wait for Loren or Luke.

"Hey there Lorelai," Loren greets her as she walks over to the table. "I'm surprised to see you here this morning."

"But I'm here every morning," Lorelai reminds her. Loren smiles knowingly.

"Yes, I know that, but it's Saturday," Loren responds. Lorelai shrugs.

"Someone's gotta earn the dough." Lorelai winks. "Besides, someone's gotta work Saturdays, especially me, the inn's busiest days are Saturdays." Loren nods.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. It's a nice place, the Dragonfly. I mean, I've never stayed there or anything, but it seems nice, quaint. Almost homey. Rustic." Lorelai raises a hand to stop Loren.

"Okay, now you've gone too far." Loren raises an eyebrow. Lorelai sighs, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I'm confusing you with my mother. To her, rustic is a bad word."

"Oh, well I know a lot worse words I could teach her," Loren jokes, her eyes glittering mischievously. Lorelai laughs. Loren glances around to make sure all the customers are doing all right and then looks back at Lorelai. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," Lorelai responds, motioning for Loren to take the seat across from her. Loren sits, folding her hands in front of her on the table.

"You knew my dad before, right?" Loren asks. Lorelai sits back, unsure of exactly what Loren's getting at. "I mean, you knew him before you left Stars Hollow."

"Yeah," Lorelai says vaguely, shrugging. "We knew each other. He was my coffee provider." Loren grins.

"I'm sure he did that job willingly," Loren teases. Lorelai snickers.

"Oh yeah, never a peep from him about how I was going to die, how coffee was poisoning my innards until my intestines rotted. He was the most gracious, willing coffee provider," Lorelai says sarcastically. Loren laughs.

"So you knew him well?" Loren figures. Lorelai shrugs, without revealing anything. "Was my dad – I mean did he ever – was there ever anyone – do you know if he was ever in love – I mean – before my mom?" Lorelai looks down at her hands.

_You know I love you right?_

_I really need to hear that once in awhile._

_I love you and I am going to marry you and at our wedding, we are having lobster._

Lorelai purses her lips, trying to maintain her composure even with the strong memory still imprinted on her brain. She looks up at Loren, smiling uncertainly. "I'm not sure I can say for sure. I mean our relationship consisted of my begging for coffee and him forecasting my early death." Loren laughs.

"Yes, that's my dad." Loren frowns, looking down at her hands.

"What's up, Loren?" Lorelai asks. Loren looks up at Lorelai sadly.

"It's just, he only had my mom for just over a year. I just think he's lonely. I mean I know he loves me and he loves April, but – I don't know – maybe that's not enough," Loren considers. Lorelai sighs. She reaches out and covers Loren's hand with her own.

"Kiddo, your dad is happy just being your dad, just like I'm happy being Nicolas and Lucy's mom. Just like I was happy just being Rory's mom for years." Loren doesn't seem to take any comfort from this answer.

"He just seems so… I don't know… lost or something… sometimes. Like he's somewhere else. Or he wishes he was. And maybe he just needs a friend or something, someone he can open up to, someone who's not spending her days learning trigonometry and writing papers on Dr. Faustus." Lorelai glances up at the counter, as if Luke were there even though he's not. She lets her eyes roam the place, considering Loren's comments for a moment.

"Doesn't your dad open up to you?" Lorelai asks. Loren shakes her head.

"No. I mean, yes, about some things. How annoying my cousin Ty is. How the town is crazy with all the festivals. How he wishes he had more time to spend fixing our house."

"Well that's something," Lorelai responds. Loren shrugs. Lorelai takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I think your dad has people to open up to. And I think that you don't need to worry about him, he should know by now where to go to let off steam. You just worry about yourself, Sweetie. All Rory ever had to do was try her best and that made me happy, just her presence was enough. That's all Luke needs from you." Loren nods.

"Hey, you wanted coffee, right?" Loren asks, suddenly changing the subject as she stands.

"Yeah, that would be great, thanks." Lorelai watches Loren walk over to the coffee pot. "Hey, where is your dad anyways?" Loren grabs a mug and walks back over with the mug and the pot.

"He's not in today," Loren answer simply. Lorelai's eyes go wide in shock.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"He's not going to be in today," Loren repeats. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows, incredibly confused.

"Not in… why? I thought he lived here. I mean, I know he doesn't _live here_ live here anymore but I mean that he practically lives here, like he spends a lot of time here. You see what I'm saying?" Lorelai rambles. Loren arches an eyebrow at Lorelai as she pours the coffee, but seems to be amused.

"Yeah. I gotcha. And he does, most of the time, but not today."

"Not today…" Lorelai sips her coffee, still confused.

"It's the thirtieth," Loren says by way of explanation. Lorelai stares at her until a sense of realization comes over her face.

"The thirtieth," Lorelai repeats. "November thirtieth." Loren nods. "Oooooh." Lorelai presses her lips together nodding.

"So, you know?" Lorelai nods.

"Yeah. So where did he go this time?" Lorelai asks. Loren looks at her strangely.

"I don't know. I never know. All I know is that it's November 30th and he's never here on that day," Loren responds.

"You mean he never told you why he disappears on November 30th?" Lorelai asks. Loren shrugs. Lorelai reaches up and rubs Loren's arm. "It's good he has you. I'm sure he feels lucky."

After finishing her coffee, Lorelai leaves money on the table, including a big tip for Loren. She throws her purse over her shoulder and walks out the door, starting to turn to head towards the inn. Then she changes her mind and direction. Shoving her hands in her pockets, she walks the other way.

_Tomorrow's the anniversary of my dad's death. And every year on that anniversary I disappear. I don't work. I don't talk to anyone. I get in a kind of funk, it's like, um…_

_You have a dark day._

_Yeah I have a dark day. I thought I should tell you this because we're in a relationship and I thought you would wonder why I suddenly don't answer the phone or I'm not around._

The memory of Luke's somber story swirls around in Lorelai's head as she walks towards her destination. She can still recall how sad he looked that day, almost hopeless, as if there wasn't a thing she could do or say to make him smile or take just a bit of the weight off. And though she knows that things probably won't be different this time, she knows she's got to try.

Lorelai finds the house she's looking for and knocks on the door. Hearing a commotion inside, Lorelai leans her ear to the door. Suddenly the door opens, and Lorelai steps back.

"Lorelai!" Liz exclaims with surprise.

"Hey Liz," Lorelai responds, a soft smile on her face.

"Oh I heard you were in town, come in, come in!" Liz grabs Lorelai's arm and pulls her inside and into a hug, which Lorelai gives into uncomfortably. "It's so good to see you. You know I've been meaning to stop by your place since Luke told me you were back."

"Oh, uh, Luke mentioned that?" Lorelai stammers, trying to hide her surprise.

"Of course! He's so happy you're back, I can just tell," Liz says. Lorelai shifts uncomfortably. "Oh, I've said too much. I'm sorry, I never know the right thing to say. I'm nothing like Luke. He's such a great guy, always saying and doing the right thing." Lorelai smiles weakly.

"Yeah that's him," Lorelai says softly. Liz doesn't seem to notice Lorelai's uneasiness.

"Anyways, I've been meaning to see you but things have been busy. We spent Thankgiving with TJ's parents and Ty's been involved in productions in New York so we've been traveling with him. Did you ever meet my son?"

"Uh, no. No, you were pregnant when I left," Lorelai recalls. Liz nods.

"Yeah. Well I had a son, another one. Tybalt."

"Right, I heard."

"Oh that Luke, he complains about his nephew but I know he really loves Ty."

"Oh, uh, not from Luke. From Rory," Lorelai says, setting Liz straight, almost as if making sure Liz knows she hasn't been talking to Luke. "You remember Rory, right?" Liz smiles knowingly.

"Of course I know Rory. She still talks to Jess so I still hear about her every once in awhile. He said she's living in Boston."

"DC," Lorelai corrects her. Liz frowns.

"Right, DC, something like that. You know, Jess is doing well too, he's now the owner of that bookstore," Liz says.

"Oh, I guess I thought he already was owner. But that's great. I'm glad he's well," Lorelai responds, actually meaning it.

"I'm sure you didn't come here to ask about Jess though." Lorelai blushes and looks down.

"No, you're right, of course," Lorelai says, as if embarrassed. "I actually came here wondering if you knew where Luke was."

"You came to me looking for Luke?" Liz asks in amazement. Lorelai laughs nervously.

"Yeah, I know, strange right?"

_You don't want to live here._

_Yes I do._

_It's too quiet for you._

_I like quiet._

_You do not like quiet. TJ does not like quiet. He likes monster trucks and baboons that get really mad at the zoo._

_That's true, he does like that._

_Luke stop, you're going to like living so close to your family._

_Yes, I've seen how much you enjoy living so close to yours._

"On a normal day, yes," Liz answers. Lorelai smiles, glancing up at the photos Liz has on her mantle. "Today, even stranger." Lorelai stares at the picture that Liz has of Luke with his arm around April at what must have been her graduation from college. She looks back at Liz.

"Yeah, it was just a shot," Lorelai figures.

"Well it is the thirtieth," Liz reminds Lorelai, who nods, looking down in at the ground. "You know what that means." Lorelai sighs, folding her arms around her chest and looking back at Liz, sadly.

"Yeah, I know," Lorelai says softly. "I'm sorry, you probably don't want to be bugged today either." Liz smiles.

"I'm not Luke, as you've figured out, in more ways than that I'm not a man. Our dad was his hero but to me he was just another person trying to run my life," Liz explains.

"I know exactly where you're coming from," Lorelai tells her. She glances back over at the photos, wanting more than anything to ask about Luke. What, if anything, Liz knew about how he dealt with the past fifteen years. Wondering if he had thought of her for even a moment, missed her even a bit. Lorelai sighs, looking again at Liz. "Well, thanks for your help." Liz chuckles, touching Lorelai's arm.

"I wasn't any help, but you're welcome anyways," Liz responds. "Listen, you know Luke, he sets into himself on days like this, no one can get through to him. He'll come out of his shell." Lorelai nods, her eyes again drifting to the picture.

"Sure," Lorelai whispers, her voice almost shaky. She takes a deep breath, knowing that sometimes he never really did come out of his shell.

Smiling softly, Lorelai looks back at Liz. "Listen, I'll see you around. You'll have to let me know about one of Ty's productions, maybe I can take the kids with me."

"I will!" Lorelai nods.

"Bye Liz." Lorelai turns and walks out the door. Hearing the door close behind her, Lorelai covers her face with her hands. She takes a few deep breaths, trying to force the pain of her memories away. Then she takes her hands off her face and sniffs, wiping a small tear from the corner of her eye.

Lorelai walks up to the small house on Plum Street where Luke sits on the porch steps as Lorelai had predicted. He's hunched over his knees, his head in his hands. Lorelai watches him for a moment, as if wondering whether or not to approach. With a sad expression on her face, Lorelai begins her walk up to the porch. The sounds of dead leaves crunching under her feet startles Luke and he looks up at her. Lorelai freezes in her path, giving Luke a moment to take it all in.

_I couldn't stand the idea that you might, someday, regret giving this boat away._

_Even though I said I wanted it gone._

_Yes, I know, but you were upset._

_Oh, I was cranky, now I'm upset._

_Sorry I just thought…_

_You thought about you. You thought about you and how you'd feel. You didn't think about me or that fact that I said I wanted to get rid of this damn boat. I mean, I said it Lorelai. I said it. You heard it and you ignored it._

_Because I didn't want you –_

_You had no respect for what I wanted. This was my dad. This was his boat and this decision was mine. This was not yours._

Lorelai is timidly staring at Luke, trying to discriminate what is going through his mind, but his face is frozen. There's no emotion there, she realizes. No anger. No hurt. No sadness.

"Did you just happen to show up here?" Luke finally growls. Lorelai's breath catches in her throat as she remembers that day all those years ago. The first time she was scared she had lost him. The first time she realized that she couldn't lose him, that he meant more to her than any man in the past. The first time she felt that fear, that bitter taste in her mouth, that she worried she wasn't what he wanted, that she could never live up to his standards. She takes a deep breath before answering.

"I was just taking a walk," Lorelai lies.

"You were taking a walk?" Luke asks in disbelief. Lorelai looks down, knowing she's been caught.

"Yeah, but a walk with a purpose." She looks back at him. "I thought I might find you here." Luke stares at her for a moment as Lorelai again tries to decide if he's angry. Then he nods. Lorelai looks up at the house. "This must have been some place." Luke glances around him, as if he's never been there before.

"It was," Luke agrees. He looks back at Lorelai, sorrow showing in his eyes. "I know I probably should have sold it a long time ago." Lorelai shrugs. She walks up to the porch and sits down next to him.

"That's what people kept telling me about the Crap Shack." Luke nods, folding his hands on his knees. "I couldn't sell that place. I'm not even sure I believed I could when I first came back here a few months ago."

"I was surprised you said you were selling it," Luke says. Lorelai smiles softly. "I mean after all the work I put into that place, the least you could have done is offer me some of the profit," Luke jokes. Lorelai chuckles. "Liz told me to sell it years ago after my father died. Since I had moved into the apartment, she said I had no need for it."

"Sometimes you gotta keep things that are important. Things that are memories," Lorelai comments.

"Like houses or boats or a customer's order on a wall."

"Or horoscopes," Lorelai adds softly. Luke glances over at her, finally looking at her for the first time since she showed up. But Lorelai's staring at her hands in her lap. "Probably not the right time to bring that up." Luke nods.

"I don't like that I come off as that kind of guy," Luke says. Lorelai looks over at him questioningly. "The kind of guy that keeps things, hangs on to things to stare at for years." Lorelai shrugs, looking back at her hands.

_So here. It obviously means something to you._

_But you have to let things go eventually, right?_

_Yeah, but sometimes you need a little something to remind you. I mean, you wouldn't want to forget everything, would you?_

_No, there was some stuff I definitely would not want to forget._

_Well here, so you don't forget._

_Thanks, can I pay you for it?_

_In coffee, absolutely._

_All right. I'm not pining you know._

_I know._

_Just remembering._

_Got it._

_Remembering is not pining._

_You're absolutely right_.

"I don't know where you got the idea that being that kind of guy is a bad thing," Lorelai responds. Luke just plays with his fingers, listening to her. "But you don't hang on to everything, like movie stubs and concert tickets. You hang on to a few things, the important things." Luke nods.

"Yeah, I do," Luke agrees. Lorelai watches him, wondering if he's kept anything from his time with her, but not wanting to ask. He sighs and gets off the porch, walking a few steps away to turn around and look up at the house. "My dad bought this house for my mom the day he proposed to her and gave it to her as a wedding present."

"He sounds like a good man," Lorelai replies.

"He and my mom didn't grow up in Stars Hollow. She grew up in Litchfield and he lived near Boston. So when she said she didn't want to live far from her family, my father started by looking for a place to open his store. After finding that spot, he searched the town for the perfect house, the one he could see himself growing old in with my mother. He said it took him a week but the moment he walked up to this place, walked around inside, he knew it was perfect." Lorelai glances around, taking in the feeling of the old house.

"It seems like a good place to raise a family," Lorelai says softly.

"I was going to propose, you know," Luke tells her. Lorelai whips her head back to look at him, her throat suddenly dry, her lips parted in wonder, trying to figure out if he's saying what she thinks he's saying. After a moment, Luke tears his gaze away from the house and looks at her. "Back when I first bought the Twickham house. I was going to propose."

"Oh Luke…" Lorelai utters, not knowing exactly how to respond.

"I always thought it was classic the way my father had done it," Luke says and shrugs. "I said to myself, if I ever decide to get married, I want to do it the same. And I don't know there was something about that house. I could see us in it, raising our family."

"Family?" Lorelai repeats.

"But then you went on and on about possibly taking that job with that guy who wanted to buy your inn and I thought you weren't ready to settle down, that what we had might not be forever."

"Luke, I didn't know…" Luke raises a hand to stop her.

"I know. I just thought…" He shrugs. "I just thought you should know." Lorelai purses her lips, looking away, remembering the night she had proposed.

_You bought a house without telling me?_

_What?_

_A house? I mean, a house is huge!_

_Yeah I know, that's why I told you._

_A house full of kids?_

_No, a plant, don't forget the plant._

_Please don't do that, okay? Or any other address or life changing decisions? Please include me in!_

_I will. I am. I'm sorry. I won't. I will._

_Okay._

_Sorry._

_Kids would be good._

"The house was beautiful," Lorelai says softly. Luke nods.

"Yeah, you said that." Lorelai looks at him sadly.

"I'm sorry Luke, I didn't know about your dad."

"You shouldn't be sorry. It was different. My mom and dad, they were 20 when they got married. They hadn't really lived enough to have to fit other things into the life they were building together. They hadn't ever lived outside of their parents' houses." Lorelai nods, looking down at her hands. Luke puts his hands on his hips, walking around the driveway, kicking a few stones. Lorelai stands and brushes herself off. She walks over to him and touches his shoulder.

"Come on," she says, motioning down the driveway with her head. Luke nods, understanding. She wraps a hand around his arm, leading him away. They walk in silence most of the way.

"Luke, why didn't you ever tell Loren?" Lorelai asks, finally breaking in the silence, looking up at him curiously.

"About us?" Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, about today, what today is, what it means," Lorelai explains.

"I don't like to talk about it. I just like to be by myself. Think my own thoughts." Lorelai scoffs.

"She's your daughter, Luke. She's your world."

"Yeah, but she has things she doesn't tell me," Luke claims. Lorelai presses her lips together, giving him a 'yeah right' kind of look. "I don't really tell anyone about today."

"You told me," Lorelai reminds him.

"Yeah but you... you were different," Luke responds. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows, puzzled by his comment. "She didn't need to know."

"About her grandfather?" Lorelai asks.

"He wasn't…" Luke huffs. "She never knew him."

"Well maybe if you had told her something about him, she might have wanted to know more about him," Lorelai replies. Luke shrugs.

"I don't want her to see that about me. I don't want her to see me as anyone but her father who loves her and provides her with food and shelter and watches out for her."

"And telling her about your father would change that?" Lorelai asks. Luke nods.

"She doesn't seem me as grumpy or antisocial, no matter what ideas you put in her head. She only sees what I let her see."

"Oh right, your fabulous secret of parenting," Lorelai responds, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

_The secret of parenting…. You visualize the reality you want... And if necessary, you lie to bring it about._

_That's so much worse than I thought._

"Again, if that's what's necessary," Luke insists.

"And you think lying to her is the answer? You think it's best for your daughter not to know who you really are?" As they walk up the drive to Lorelai's house, Luke stops in his tracks, turning to her.

"If she knew, she might not love me," Luke responds dejectedly.

"Oh Luke, you're her father, you're her world, nothing could change that."

"I don't want to take that chance, I know what can happen when a child is disappointed with her parent," Luke counters. Lorelai's mouth drops open, a hurt expression on her face. Luke looks down at the ground.

"I can't believe you just threw that in my face," Lorelai says softly, her voice trembling as she tries not to cry.

"Sorry, Lorelai, I shouldn't have. I warned you that you shouldn't be around me on this day," Luke reminds her. He turns and walks over to the garage, opens the door and walks inside. Lorelai purses her lips, folding her arms across her chest, as she tries to forget what Luke just said.

Swallowing her pain, she follows his path into the garage to find him standing next to the boat facing her, his hands on the edge, staring into it. Lorelai sees that his eyes hold as much pain as her own and makes the decision to let go of his insensitive comment. She walks around the boat to stand next to him, touching his arm softly.

"Sorry Lorelai, I didn't mean…" Lorelai squeezes his arm to stop him.

"It's okay," she says softly. He looks over at her and she can see that his eyes are filled with tears, a vulnerability she's never seen before.

"Thank you," he says, a variety of meanings to his response. Lorelai nods, understanding completely.


	11. If We'd Go Again From The Start

**Chapter 11: If We'd Go Again From the Start **

A couple weeks later, Lorelai walks into the diner with Nicolas following close behind her. Luke is standing behind the counter and nods to them. "Is my daughter here?" Lorelai asks with aggravation in her voice. Luke raises an eyebrow.

"And a good evening to you too Lorelai," Luke responds sarcastically. Lorelai rolls her eyes. She opens her mouth to make a spiteful response but Nicolas grabs her arm.

"Mom!" Nicolas warns in a loud whisper. He shakes his head at his mother. "What's with grumpypuss?" Luke asks. Lorelai snorts, starting to smile.

"And that's a word I never expected to come out of your mouth," Lorelai cracks. Luke ignores her response, looking at Nicolas.

"We have to go Grandma's for a Christmas Party and Mom's feeling forced into it and instead of just deciding not to go, she plans to crab her way through the night," Nicolas explains.

"Ah," Luke responds. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks crossly.

"Emily still holds Christmas parties two weeks before the actual holiday?" Luke asks, looking specifically at Nicolas, who nods in response.

"Yeah, the rich are crazy," Nicolas says.

"They're not the only ones," Luke replies. Nicolas glances over at Lorelai, understanding Luke's intent.

"Hey!" Lorelai exclaims.

"And you're not excited to go, I take it?" Luke asks Nicolas.

"Gentlemen!" Lorelai shouts. They both look at her. "Thank you for not ignoring me this time. Now, I'm here to get my daughter, does anyone by the name of Luke Danes know where I might find her?" Luke smirks.

"Yeah, I think she's upstairs with Loren," he response, pointing at the ceiling.

"Upstairs?" Lorelai asks, surprise in her voice. "What's upstairs? Oh wait, I forgot, that's a secret." Luke sighs.

"It's not a secret. It's Loren's space," Luke replies. Lorelai furrow her eyebrows.

"Her space? She doesn't have a room in your house?" Lorelai asks. Luke sighs again.

"Yeah she does, but when she's at home, I'm usually at home and even then she thinks I'm just going to walk in her room to inspect."

"That wouldn't be at all surprising," Lorelai mutters.

"So when she turned 12, I gave her the keys to the room upstairs and told her she could keep it as her special alone space," Luke finishes, ignoring Lorelai's interjection.

"I thought you were anti-special alone spaces," Lorelai notes. Luke chuckles.

_What the hell am I looking at?  
_

_It's my new special alone space.  
_

_Oh yeah? Well you got a whole house of special alone space.  
_

_Not like this._

Lorelai just shakes her head at him, not remembering the moment especially fondly. Luke takes a deep breath, giving Lorelai an apologetic look. "I understand the need for them now," he responds softly. Nicolas glances from one to the other, wondering what on earth they're talking about. Lorelai shoves her hands in her coat pockets, looking at him miserably. "You want me to go get Lucy?" Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, I'll go," Lorelai responds dejectedly. Rubbing her forehead, she walks into the back. Both Luke and Nicolas watch her go.

After she disappears, Luke and Nicolas share a look, both sizing the other up. "You want anything?" Luke asks.

"No, but Mom'll probably want a coffee to go," Nicolas figures.

"That goes without saying," Luke responds and turns to grab a to-go cup and fix the coffee. Nicolas shuffles around uncomfortably for a moment.

"Hey, Luke?"

"Hmm?" Luke grunts.

"You knew my mother before, right?" Nicolas asks.

"Before?" Luke asks, not turning around from what he's doing.

"Yeah, you know, before before," Nicolas says as an explanation. Luke pauses and looks up but doesn't turn around, trying to decide exactly what Lorelai would want Nicolas to know.

"Yeah," Luke says, nodding, going back to his work. "Yeah, we knew each other"

"I mean, you were friends?" Nicolas asks. Luke glances over his shoulder at Nicolas.

"Friends?"

"Yeah, you know, friends. I mean, not like special friends, kind of friends, I mean like friendly friends," Nicolas attempts. Luke furrows his eyebrows.

"You got your way with words from your mother," Luke comments. Nicolas chuckles. Luke goes back to getting the coffee ready. "Yeah, we were friends. She came in here daily begging for a way to give herself a slow death and I provided it grudgingly."

"If only she would have taken your comments seriously." Luke finishes pouring the coffee and turns around, snapping a cap on. He stares at Nicolas for a moment.

"Are you sure you're her kid?" Luke wonders. Nicolas shrugs. Luke walks up to the counter in front of him, setting the coffee down. "Why do you want to know?" he asks.

"I just… it's been a long time since Mom's been happy and she deserves to be happy. But Dad got sick and then… you know. And then Lucy was having trouble dealing with it so Mom just never had time for, you know, just being happy. Not until we came here. And she likes it here, it makes her happy."

"She loves this town," Luke notes. Nicolas nods.

"Yeah. But it's more than that. I don't think I ever saw her smile, I mean really smile, until we came back here. Until you."

"Me?"

"I mean, you know, not that it's a big thing. But you're her friend. You just let her be her. You let her be sad when she's sad and you let her be happy when she's happy. And you make her smile. I'm not even sure I can remember her being that happy when Dad was healthy."

"Well, it was a long time ago, it's probably just not clear in your mind," Luke suggests modestly.

"Yeah, probably. I just… she's always been there for me and Lucy. She's our support. She put us first. And she always knows the right thing to say or do, she sees the best in us." Luke smiles to himself, looking away.

_That ain't me, is it?_

_What are you talking about?_

_What Taylor said about me being Louie, a loner, never being married and stuff. I mean, I am getting crankier as I get older, he's not so far off._

_You are not your uncle. I mean, would Louie ever build someone a chuppah, or help fix things around someone's house without being asked, or make a special coffee cake for a girl's sixteenth birthday?_

_Rory told you about that?_

_Yes. And would Louie have taken in his sister's kid without hesitating and without asking for anything in return?_

_No one would have trusted Louie with their kid. He probably would have forgotten to feed him or something._

_You get my point?_

_Yeah I get it._

"Yeah she does," Luke murmurs, more to himself than anything else.

"So she deserves to be happy, she deserves everything," Nicolas says. He sighs, shoving his hands in his back pockets. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm glad, I guess, I'm glad she has you for a friend." Luke looks over at Nicolas, letting the boy's words sink in. Nicolas shrugs, uneasily.

"Yeah, well…" Luke begins, trailing off as they hear Lorelai's voice as she and the girls walk down the stairs.

"And if you ever get the chance to check out the CD, you'll have to burn me a copy," Lorelai is saying as she and the girls walk back in the diner. She stops in her tracks, glancing at each of the guys. "Sorry, did we interrupt something?" Nicolas shrugs, giving Luke a look that tells him to keep their conversation between them.

"Nope, nothing at all, just discussing where the best Coffeeholics Anonymous meeting is," Luke replies. Lorelai rolls her eyes.

"Whatever he said to you, it's all a lie," Lorelai tells Nicolas, who shares a look with Luke. She looks over at Loren. "Well, you be sure to have that coffee ready and waiting when we get back and in exchange, I'll try to grab you an apple tart."

"Sounds like a fair deal," Loren says.

"You're coming back here?" Luke asks.

"What, am I barred from seeing your daughter?" Lorelai asks, attempting a joke. Luke's face freezes and then Lorelai's eyes go wide as she realizes what she just said. Lorelai closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. "Luke, I didn't mean..."

"I know," Luke says softly.

"I mean, it was supposed to be a-"

"I know, Lorelai," Luke repeats. Lorelai nods, looking extremely sorry. Lucy and Loren share a look.

"Mom," Nicolas calls, getting Lorelai's attention. He points to the watch on his wrist.

"Oh right," Lorelai says, shaking the fog out of her head. "Medusa is waiting." Lucy smiles. "See you later." Luke nods. Lorelai grabs Lucy's arm, pushing her in front as they walk out the door. Nicolas glances over at Luke.

"Thanks," Nicolas says. Luke nods. Nicolas turns and walks out.

Later that night, Lorelai, Lucy and Nicolas return to the diner as promised. Lorelai looks slightly disheveled as she closes the door behind her. Loren is sitting at the counter eating ice cream from the shop next door. Luke stands on the opposite side of the counter. "What's with her?" Luke asks, motioning with his head at Lorelai.

"Tar," she whines, wrinkling her nose and picking at one sleeve of her coat. "Feathers," she whines again, picking at the other sleeve. Loren giggles at the sight of her.

"Ah," Luke says, understanding. Lorelai stumbles up to the counter, heaving herself into the seat next to Loren. She crosses her arms on the counter, laying her head straight down on them, nose touching the counter.

"Coffee," she moans. Luke smiles, shaking his head. He turns to get the coffee.

"Lucy, you want some too?" Luke asks. Lucy shakes her head.

"No, actually I have to be getting home. Homework calls," Lucy responds. Loren wrinkles her nose.

"One more reason I'm glad I don't go to the genius school," Loren says. Lorelai taps her hand on the counter.

"Coffee," she moans again.

"I'm getting it, keep your pants on!" Luke exclaims. She taps her hand on the counter again.

"Dirty," she says, still kind of moaning. Loren giggles again. Nicolas rolls his eyes.

"You know, I'll take Lucy home. I told Martha I'd call her when I got home anyways," Nicolas offers.

"Aw, Nicky needs to call his girlfriend!" Lucy teases.

"Kiss kiss Nicky!" Loren chimes in.

"When did she start calling me that?" Nicolas asks, pointing at Loren. Luke sets the coffee cup in front of Lorelai.

"They're two of a kind I guess," Luke reasons. Nicolas rolls his eyes. "You go, I'll make sure your mom gets home all right." Nicolas looks over at Lorelai, who's reaching her hand for the coffee but not looking up, so her hand's just touching different spots on the counter.

"You sure you've got this?" Nicolas asks Luke, who folds his arms, just watching Lorelai attempt the impossible because Luke has set the coffee down out of her possible reach.

"Oh yeah, should be the most entertaining part of my week," Luke deadpans. Lucy snickers.

"Okay. Bye Mom!" Nicolas calls.

"Bye Mom!" Lucy chimes in. Without responding, Lorelai sets her elbow on the table, waving goodbye behind her. Nicolas shakes his head.

"Good luck," he says to Luke. "Come on Luce." He touches his sister's shoulder and they walk out. Loren and Luke share a look. Lorelai's gone back to searching for the coffee.

"Lu-uke! Coffee," Lorelai whines. Luke huffs, his hands going to his hips.

"It's right in front of you. If you sit up like a normal human being, you'll be able to find the cup and drink it," Luke insists. With that, Lorelai sits up, still slouching. She glares at him, reaches for the coffee and begins downing it. Loren grins, fascinated by the show that Lorelai's putting on.

"Well I'm going to head home," Loren decides. Luke nods. She leans across the counter and kisses Luke's cheek. "Catcha on the flip side, Daddy-o."

"Don't stay up too late," Luke responds. "I'm hoping you'll be in bed before I get home." Loren nods, touches Lorelai's shoulder comfortingly and walks out. Lorelai turns her head, watching Loren go and slowly turns back to face Luke. She sets the coffee cup down.

"More," she begs. Luke shakes his head, but pours more coffee in the cup.

"Here you go Oliver, but no more after this." Lorelai nods, drinking it slower this time. "So what happened?" Lorelai shrugs. "Just feel like playing the martyr card again?" Lorelai sets down the cup, glaring at him.

"No, I just can't deal with my mother. You just think this is all a show, don't you?" Luke shakes his head.

"No, I don't. You forget, I've met your mother"

_Then I simply don't understand. If you're together, then what's the problem?_

_What are you talking about?_

_Why won't you come to Friday dinner? Whatever happened between the two of you I obviously fixed, so –_

_You fixed it? You broke it! Just because Luke and I found a way to repair the damage doesn't erase the fact that it happened!_

_What I did, I did out of concern._

_Oh please!_

_As your mother, I have a right to be concerned, especially when it looks like you're taking your life down a completely disastrous path. I had to jump in and –_

_Mom!_

_Lorelai!_

_Please hear me. If I want your input in my life in any way, shape or form, I will ask for it. Until then, do us all a favor and shut up!_

Lorelai shakes her head, looking down at her hands. "No, I didn't forget," she whispers. Luke reaches out and touches her shoulder gently. Lorelai looks up at him.

"I get it then. Just so you know. I get that your mother's not the easiest person to deal with," he tells her. Lorelai gives him a tightlipped smile.

"Thank you," she says softly. Luke nods. Lorelai drinks her coffee, thinking this over.

"I mean, she hated me." Lorelai shakes her head, setting the coffee back down.

"No," she responds quickly, taking a moment to lick her lips. "No, she didn't."

"Lorelai..."

"She didn't," Lorelai insists. She sighs, looking back down at her hands. "I mean, you weren't her favorite person by any means, but then who is, except Nancy Reagan. But, I don't know, she learned to deal with you, I mean you being in my life."

"She did?" Luke wonder in disbelief. Lorelai nods.

"She bought us a house," Lorelai tells him, pressing her hands into her lap and looking up at him.

"She bought us a house?" Luke repeats, confused. Lorelai nods.

"Yeah. She bought us a house. Her and Dad." Lorelai shakes her head, looking away, remembering the picture of the house. "It was a beautiful house. Not too far from here either and she was going to try to get it a Stars Hollow address. It was so beautiful. Three acres. Five bedrooms. Three and a half baths. A stable for horses. A fishing pond for you. It was blue. It had a beautiful white porch around it." Lorelai presses her lips together, still not looking at Luke. She sniffs. "You would have hated it."

"I would?" Luke wonders, still confused. Lorelai nods, looking back up at him.

"Yeah. It was only a little farther from here and the inn, but you would have hated it. Too big. Too much. You would have had some complaint." Lorelai shrugs. "But I loved it."

"Sounds like it." Lorelai smiles to herself.

"She even came up with a list things I could tell you to convince you to agree to the house."

"Wow," Luke manages, still in shock. He taps the counter thoughtfully. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I didn't know about it until a little before we broke up. A few days. A week before." Lorelai shrugs. She looks back down at her hands.

_This is not a house for me. It's for you._

_Me?_

_You and Luke._

_-_

_You want to buy us a house?_

_Well I know you're not going to let me give you a wedding, so I thought a house would do. _

"She gave in. She decided that she needed to just accept that you were going to be in my life," Lorelai says quietly. She sniffs, still looking down, not wanting Luke to see the tears in her eyes.

"Wow," Luke repeats, amazed at this whole idea. He steps back, leaning back against the back counter. They're both quiet for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Lorelai picks up the coffee and continues drinking.

Finally she straightens up and forces a smile. "So what were you up to tonight?" Lorelai asks.

"Oh, uh, not much," Luke says vaguely. Lorelai raises an eyebrow. "Loren did her homework. She convinced me to let her go next door to get some ice cream."

"Good girl," Lorelai purrs. Luke smiles.

"She loves that the diner is next door to that ice cream shop"

"And she's your daughter?" Lorelai asks. "You're sure?" Luke nods.

"Sure as if I gave birth to her myself," Luke replies. Lorelai snorts.

"You would never be able to handle that. You're too big of a baby for that kind of a thing. I'd hate to even be in the same state as you if that were possible." She winks as Luke rolls his eyes.

"Then she reminded me that you guys would probably be back soon and I should make coffee"

"Did I ever tell you how much I love your daughter?" Lorelai kids.

"Actually you have." Lorelai laughs. "And we were about to play a game of poker when you guys showed up"

"Loren knows how to play poker?" Lorelai asks. Luke nods. "Is she any good?"

"She's better than you," Luke replies. "Of course, you're terrible." Lorelai's mouth drops open as she feigns hurt.

"I am not!" Lorelai insists. Luke raises an eyebrow. "I'm good when I actually try. When I'm actually in the mood for it."

_Give me four. Ah, no four more._

_You can't have four more. Those are the four I dealt you._

_Well those don't help me and I have vowed to discard anything negative in my life, first Rune and now these four cards._

_Whatever you say._

_Ooh, these are much better, thank you._

Lorelai and Luke both smile inwardly, both remembering their card game. Lorelai slowly looks up at Luke, a smirk on her face. "You just caught me on a bad day." Luke nods.

"That's what it must have been."

"You know, you challenged me to a rematch," Lorelai recalls.

"I remember."

"Some time we'll do that." Luke nods.

"Some time," Luke agrees. They both smile at each other a moment. Lorelai glances down at her coffee cup.

"Oh, empty." Lorelai purses her lips. "No more, huh?" Luke shakes his head.

"You don't need anymore," Luke responds.

"You're probably right," Lorelai agrees, slowly standing up and adjusting her purse on her shoulder. "I should probably get home."

"I'll walk you," Luke offers. Lorelai looks a little hesitant as she tries to decide how to respond.

"Okay," she says finally. Luke nods. He walks around the counter. Gently, touching her shoulder, Luke follows Lorelai out the door. He turns off the lights and locks the door. Then he nods to her and they begin their walk to Lorelai's. She shoves her hands in the pockets of her coat as she walks along next to him. "So you've never been up to Loren's secret room?"

"Not since I gave her the keys," Luke replies. Lorelai titters.

"Two years ago?" She shakes her head. Luke looks at her in alarm.

"Why? What could she possibly have up there?" Lorelai shrugs.

"Oh I don't know. Twinkies. Diaries. Weed," she lists off. Luke stares ahead, totally frightened at the thought. Lorelai nods, rubbing his arm. "I'm sure it's nothing bad. Just boys or something"

"Boys," Luke whispers. Lorelai snickers.

"Man, you are so not ready for her to grow up."

"Boys," Luke repeats, the idea sinking in. "Like Jess did."

"Jess had boys in the apartment?" Lorelai teases. Luke gives her a dirty look.

"Jess had girls in the apartment. Hidden in the apartment. In closets," Luke reminds her. Lorelai nods.

_Oh, by the way, Jess had a girl in the closet._

_What?_

_Come on, pip pip!_

_Who? What was that? Lorelai? What about the closet?_

"I remember," Lorelai responds. Luke sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Luke, I'm sure that Loren's just got some girly magazines and a diary or two up there. She's a good kid."

"I know. It's just. I really screwed up with Jess," Luke responds. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No you didn't, Luke. He was already screwed up. You fixed it. At least partially. Liz says he's doing great."

"Yeah, he is," Luke agrees. He glances over at her and catches her smiling at him. "So what happened tonight with your mother?" Lorelai shrugs, looking away.

"Nothing. Just the same old, same old. She'll never forgive me for leaving," Lorelai responds mournfully.

"Which time?" Luke asks. Lorelai looks up at him in surprise but then purses her lips.

"Both probably," she adds sadly. "I don't know. I mean, I don't care that she's mad. She's tried to run my life too many times. But I just hate that she thinks I'm a failure."

"She said that?" Lorelai shakes her head. "Then I'm sure she doesn't think that. You've had so much. You got married. You opened the inn. You had Rory and Lucy and Nick"

"The whole package," Lorelai recalls.

_I'm lucky, I know. I just… I feel like I'm never going to have it… the whole package, you know? That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but I really want it… the whole package._

_You'll get it._

_How do you know?_

_I know._

_How do you know?_

_Because I know, okay? I know._

Luke nods. "The whole package," he repeats softly. They stop walking, just standing there on the sidewalk, staring at each other. He reaches out and rubs her arm. "I told you that you'd have it. And you did." Lorelai shrugs. Luke's hand drifts down from her arm to her hand.

"I guess," Lorelai says softly. Luke squeezes her hand. She looks up at him curiously. "Did you have it?"

"The whole package?" Luke asks. Lorelai nods, taking his other hand in hers. "I don't know." Lorelai looks up at him as if searching his eyes. Stepping just a bit closer, she tilts her head, lightly pressing her lips to his. Luke leans into the kiss, one of his hands letting go of her and reaching up to cup the back of her head as he deepens the kiss. Suddenly Lorelai pulls back. She stares at him, a combination of shock, disgust, sadness, joy, confusion and everything in between covering her face.

"Thanks for walking me home," she whispers. Then she quickly lets go of his hand and runs off towards the house. Luke watches her, sighing.


	12. I Would Try To Change

**Chapter 12: I Would Try To Change**

Rory. She was the constant in Lorelai's life. She had been there before Luke. She had been around while Lorelai was with Luke. And she had been there to pick up the pieces after Luke.

After Luke. As if it's a point in time. And it is. It was. May 9, 2006. That was when the numbers stopped counting down and began counting up. It was a date emblazoned in Lorelai's brain forever.

October 8, 1984. Another date circled in red marker in Lorelai's brain. The day her daughter had been born, her oldest daughter. The one who had been her best friend for years. The daughter who had been with her through everything, except for the five months, three weeks and sixteen days that Lorelai would rather forget.

She was the reason that Lorelai had basically become a nun for sixteen years. It was best for Rory if she wasn't involved in Lorelai's male relationships, and therefore easier if Lorelai just didn't have many at all.

As Rory reached sixteen and got older, began to have relationships of her own, Lorelai had known it was time to adjust some of those rules she had made. So she had dated, always with Rory's knowledge. Max. Alex. The random kid from her business class. Peyton, her mother's friend's son. Jason. Christopher. Luke.

But Luke had been more than just another relationship. He had been their friend, their coffee provider, their male confidant. He had listened to them chatter about boys and makeup. And he had always been there when needed whether for bringing ice for Rory's party or checking under the porch to see how bad termites had destroyed it. Even before he had become more than her friend, Luke had always been there.

He had been there for Rory too. Since the day she met Luke at the age of 10 and invited him to her caterpillar's funeral, Rory had held a special place in Luke's heart. She was the only one he made special cakes for on her birthday. It was her high school graduation he had attended. He had made special time to go to her parties. But more than that, she was the only child that he had made special time for, the only one he watched out for, running to Lorelai if he was worried and beating up guys if they hurt her.

And all through those years before dating Luke, Rory had told Lorelai over and over that Luke had a thing for her.

So when Lorelai had finally begun dating Luke, Rory couldn't have been happier. She became very protective of the relationship, going as far as to tell her own father to stay away and even telling off her grandparents when they tried to break Lorelai and Luke up. Because the relationship wasn't only important to Luke and Lorelai, it had been important to Rory. To have the only father-like figure in her life be there as a constant was important. But more than that, it was important that her mother was happy.

_He did it! He did the bit! Luke, do it again. Do it louder for Rory._

_Hey Mom?_

_Yeah?_

_You sound happy._

_I am kid._

And that was all that was necessary for Rory. Her mother was happy.

So when it was over, Lorelai had felt like she had lost everything, not just the man she loved, but everything, because everything held memories of those days of happiness. She had lost everything but the one constant in her life, Rory.

Rory had been the one to come back. Even when things weren't going right in her life, she had still come back. Because Lorelai had needed her. Because her mother, her best friend, her guide in life, was hurting.

And when Lorelai had made the final decision to go to San Francisco on a short vacation, she had only made one phone call: to Rory.

And when Lorelai had met Larry and decided to stay in San Francisco, the first person she called was Rory.

Because Rory was still the only person who would always be there, even if only in spirit. She had been Rory's world for years and, in turn, Rory had become hers.

Lorelai and Lucy are lounging on the couch, waiting for Rory to show up. Lucy is curled in one corner of the couch, her head leaning on her hand and Lorelai's feet in her lap as Lorelai lays across the couch. They are both immersed in the movie they are watching, Rock Star. They can hear Nicolas in his room on the phone with Martha.

Finally, they hear the sound they were waiting for, the sound of a car pulling up in front of the house. "Rory!" Lorelai exclaims, jumping instantly to her feet and running out of the house.

Rory is barely out of the car when Lorelai reaches her, pulling her into a big hug. "Mom!" Rory cries, hugging her mother close. "It's been forever!"

"Oh Kid, you know it!" They hug for a long time before finally letting go. Rory sizes Lorelai up.

"Mom, you look great," Rory observes. Lorelai rolls her eyes.

"You're just saying that."

"No I'm not, remember I knew you when you were young. I have something to compare it with," Rory says. She glances over Lorelai's shoulder at Lucy and Nicolas. "Hey guys!" She waves. "Just one second and I'll hug you." Rory looks back in the car. "Are you waiting for an engraved invitation, Miss Lily?" Rory teases her daughter. Lily sticks out her tongue in a very Lorelai-like way. She opens the car door and gets out.

"Come here, Lil L!" Lorelai exclaims, holding out her arms to her 8 year old granddaughter. Lily grins and runs into Lorelai's waiting arms. Lorelai picks her up, swinging her around. Rory walks over to Nicolas and Lucy, who are standing by the porch and hugs each of them.

"You guys liking Stars Hollow?" Rory asks them. Lucy nods.

"This place is really something," Lucy says. Rory nods.

"It's something all right. It's magical," Rory replies. She glances over at her brother, snatching the baseball cap off of his head.

"Hey!" Nicolas exclaims, reaching for it.

"Just checking to make sure you're not trying to cover another buzz cut," Rory teases. Nicolas rolls his eyes as Rory hands him back the cap.

"One stupid mistake and I get harassed for the rest of my life," Nicolas mutters. Rory grins.

"Hey, you should have thought of that beforehand. You know what we Gilmores are like," Rory reminds him. Nicolas nods. "You treating my room okay?"

"If you call burning all your stupid Yale posters treating it okay, then yeah," Nicolas responds.

"You did not!" Rory exclaims indignantly. She glances back at Lorelai, who has since put Lily down. Lily is standing in front of her grandmother now with Lorelai's hands resting on her shoulders. "He didn't, did he?" Rory asks. Lorelai shrugs.

"I don't know. That brother of yours, he's out of control," Lorelai kids. Rory scoffs, her hands going to her hips. "Did you stop over at the Dragonfly on your way in?" Rory shakes her head.

"No, why?" Rory asks. Lorelai sighs.

"I told you, I have no room for the two of you here. You remember that this house was barely big enough for the two of us, much less the three of us and you and Lil," Lorelai tells Rory, squeezing Lily's shoulders. Rory crosses her arms over her chest.

"Does that mean I can't stay here?" Lorelai shakes her head. "In my own room. In my own house!" Lorelai shakes her head. "I'm really not feeling the love here Mom." Lorelai shrugs.

"Tough love, Baby. That's what I'm talking about," Lorelai replies. "If you really want to stay in your room, you're going to have to convince Nicky to share his bed with you."

"Aw, Mom!" Nicolas exclaims. Lorelai laughs.

"So we have to stay at the Dragonfly?" Rory asks. Lorelai nods.

"I reserved a room for you and Lil. She'll love it there, especially with Sookie, I'm sure you can get Sookie to cook you any cookies you want," Lorelai says to Lily, grinning. Lily's eyes light up. Rory sighs.

"Okay, fine," Rory finally relents.

"I put you down for three nights."

"But we're only staying for two." Lorelai shrugs.

"Just in case, you never know. I may miss you so much I'm going to trap you at the Dragonfly instead of letting you go back to DC."

"How are you going to do that?" Rory asks.

"Some duct tape, rope, a copy of War and Peace," Lorelai responds. Lucy looks confused.

"It's the longest book ever and Rory won't be able to put it down," Nicolas explains, having understood that Lorelai's getting at. Lorelai flings her hand in Nicolas's direction, as if pronouncing him correct. Lucy giggles.

"Okay, we're wasting precious Rory time here. We've got almost exactly two days to make up for the past nine months of not seeing each other, so let's go over the plan," Lorelai says.

"Okay, shoot," Rory responds.

"First, we take you over to the Dragonfly so you can put your stuff in the room. Then Nicolas and Lucy are going to take Lily on a fun but succinct tour of Stars Hollow while we attempt the 12 layer cake at Weston's."

"Still haven't accomplished that one," Rory interjects.

"Then we'll head out to Hartford for dinner, which Mom has agreed to invite Christopher and Gigi to so we don't need an extra stop."

"Fabulous!" Rory exclaims.

"Oh yeah, I'm thrilled," Lorelai responds, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "We come back here, buy out all the junk food we can find at Doose's, visit with Dean for a minute and head back here for our guilty pleasure marathon, which Nicolas will complain about so he'll probably go spend time with his girlfriend." Rory grins at Nicolas, who shakes his head.

"Martha treating you right there Nicky?" Rory teases. Nicolas groans.

"Okay, then tomorrow, we get up, go to breakfast at Luke's. Lunch at the Dragonfly. Shop at the bookstore. Make a snowman in town square. Dinner at Al's."

"Morrocan this week?" Rory asks.

"Spanish cuisine," Lorelai answers.

"Love it!"

"And then Sunday, the big one, we lounge around the morning, and go through all those boxes of pictures that are still stashed in your closet before packing up your car for you to head off back to the land where the sun don't shine." Rory claps her hands in excitement.

"The perfect weekend!" she exclaims. Lorelai smiles, proud of herself.

"Well, I do what I can," Lorelai replies modestly. "What do you think, Lil L?" Lorelai asks, looking down at Lily, who looks back up at her.

"Ab Fab Sweetie Darling," Lily replies. Lorelai laughs. Rory shakes her head.

"More like you every minute," Rory says. Lorelai shrugs, giving Rory her 'who me?' look. "All right Lillers, get in the car. Nanners is going to meet us over at the inn."

"Yay!" Lily exclaims running back to the car. Rory walks over to Lorelai, hugging her again and kissing her cheek.

"Good to be home Mommy," Rory whispers in Lorelai's ear. Then she gets in the car, waves at her siblings and drives off.

After getting settled in at the Dragonfly, Rory and Lily met up with the rest of the family in the lobby. As Lorelai had planned, Nicolas and Lucy took Lily out with them around Stars Hollow, basically so Lorelai could have some alone time with Rory. Lorelai and Rory went to Weston's to chat and eat cake and rum balls.

"So last we talked, you were still complaining about Gramma's performance at Thankgiving," Rory says. Lorelai nods, swallowing the bite of cake in her mouth.

"Oh, right, well then you didn't hear the rest of it, don't worry, it doesn't get any better," Lorelai responds.

"Oh jeez…"

"Right. So we went to your grandmother's Christmas Party last week."

"I remember you mentioning you were going to."

"Right. And let me tell you, your grandmother was in fine form that night." Rory sighs.

"I don't get it. Why can't bygones ever be bygones with you two?" Rory asks.

"Because you know my mother, she's not like that. According to her, everything I've ever done has been just to spite her and she never forgets a single bit of it. I swear, I'm in permanent Alcatraz with her," Lorelai complains.

"You two…" Rory shakes her head disapprovingly. "You know I always thought that one day you'd both realize you're just being crazy and stupid but after all these years, you both still hold a grudge like the best of them."

"Like mother, like daughter," Lorelai says lightly. "We're champions."

"I mean, she's glad you're back, isn't she?" Lorelai shrugs.

"You wouldn't get that idea from the way she treats me."

"Well you still treat her like she should be apologizing for your childhood," Rory replies.

"Hey! Stay on my side!" Lorelai cries.

"There's no sides Mom," Rory insists. Lorelai sighs, taking another bite of cake.

"Oooh, hey I read that last article of yours," Lorelai mentions. Rory's eyes light up.

"Did you like it?" Rory asks. Lorelai nods vigorously.

"Oh yeah, let me tell you, if I ever decide to run for political office, I want you to follow my campaign." Rory smiles.

"I'll keep that in mind whenever you get the urge."

"What did the senator say?" Lorelai asks. Rory shrugs.

"Oh you know… it was good," Rory replies lightly. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows as Rory's face brightens into a huge grin. "She loved it! She wants me to continue the entire campaign with her!"

"Oh that's great Kid!" Lorelai exclaims.

"It is! It really is! I have trouble believing it myself!"

"Oh, I knew you could do it. You're a great writer and you really capture the spirit of things you believe in so well," Lorelai says.

"Thanks, but you're my mother, you have to say that." Lorelai's mouth form an 'O' and she covers it with her hand.

"I always meant to tell you, I found you on my doorstep when you were a baby, I just could never think of the right way to say it," Lorelai teases in a serious voice. Rory rolls her eyes.

"Mo-om," Rory whines. Lorelai laughs. "But really, I'm just amazed. I was wondering if I could handle it with Marty's caseload picking up and the twins just starting kindergarten and then there's Lily."

"Oh yeah, but she's easy."

"Sure, when you compare her to the twins."

"They're not doing okay starting kindergarten?" Lorelai asks, taking another bite of cake. Rory shrugs.

"They like it. It's just that they're driving the teacher crazy. I swear, I gave birth to two little monsters. If it's not Cole then it's Emmett. It's enough to drive a sane man crazy," Rory explains.

"Well that's what you get for having twins." Rory rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, like I made that decision," Rory replies sarcastically. Lorelai smiles. She looks away, glancing over at the diner, her smile slowly disappearing. Rory notices her mother's quick change into depression. "Mom, what's on your mind?" Lorelai glances back over at Rory, leaning back in her chair, folding her hands in her lap. She shrugs.

"I was just thinking, you know, about that dream," Lorelai says, a melancholy tone to her voice.

"What dream?" Rory asks, taking another bite of cake.

"The one I had when you were in DC, I mean with Paris, back when you were going to Chilton." Rory furrows her eyebrows as she tries to recall that summer.

"Hmmm… that was almost twenty years ago. How about a refresher course?"

"Ummm… it began with Luke setting about 18 alarm clocks to wake me up." Rory's face instantly flashes recognition and she grins.

"Ah yes, that one. I remember now. He had changed the coffee to decaf." Lorelai nods.

"And he was making me breakfast."

"Naked," Rory interjects.

"Not naked!" Lorelai exclaims. "I swear I don't have NC-17 rated dreams." Rory raises an eyebrow. "That I tell you about." Rory grins and nods.

"Right and then he talked to your stomach."

"Because I was pregnant with twins," Lorelai says wistfully.

_Goodbye Crazy Lady. Goodbye Sid and Nancy._

_Leopold and Loeb._

_What?_

_I changed my mind, don't tell Rory._

_Decaf._

_Never._

_They'll both have two heads._

_More to love._

Lorelai looks down at her hands. "I don't know what made me think about that."

"Because I was just talking about my twins," Rory responds. Lorelai shrugs.

"Yeah but…" Lorelai purses her lips, trying not to look over at the diner. "I think I just always thought that I should have had twins, that I was supposed to have twins, with Luke."

"You always thought that?" Rory asks.

"I mean, at least, when we were together that dream was always in the back of my mind. Like it was supposed to happen." Rory reaches across the table and touches Lorelai's hand.

"What made you think about that now?" Rory asks, taking her hand back and stabbing her fork into the last bite of cake. Lorelai looks away, a little ashamed of what she's about to reveal.

"I kissed Luke," Lorelai says in a low voice. Rory stares at Lorelai.

"You kissed Luke?" Lorelai nods. "When?" Lorelai shrugs, looking up at Rory timidly.

"A week ago."

"You kissed Luke a week ago?" Rory repeats in shock.

"Yeah."

"How did that happen?"

"Well, I tilted my head to one side and then he stepped closer to me and I touched my lips – "

"Mom!" Rory exclaims, cutting Lorelai off. Rory gives Lorelai a dirty look. "Now explain."

"Well, after the disaster that was my mother's Christmas Party, we went to Luke's for some coffee. Nicolas and Lucy went home but I stayed. Then Luke walked me home. And we were just talking. And, I don't know, something happened, and I kissed him."

"You were talking about what?" Rory asks.

"Uh, just things. Poker. Loren. Jess."

"Jess?"

"Yeah."

"Talking about Jess made you want to kiss Luke?" Rory wonders.

"Yes. No. Not Jess. It just… I just… I don't know. A lapse of judgment or something."

"Or something," Rory repeats softly.

"It was just. He was there. And I was there. And he was just being, you know, Luke. And I just forgot, you know, everything that had happened. Just for a moment, I forgot everything else and it was just Luke." Lorelai shrugs. "Stupid, I know."

"I didn't say that," Rory insists.

"But it was," Lorelai claims. Rory leans back, folding her arms over her chest.

"You really think that?"

"You don't?" Lorelai asks, surprised.

"Well, I mean it is Luke." Lorelai looks down at her hands.

_Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people are aren't that young. Most people are, uh…_

_Old._

_Yeah._

_Like this guy that asked me out._

_But you're not going._

_No, I'm not going._

"Yeah it is Luke," Lorelai says softly. She sighs sadly. "He always had that way about him."

"So don't you think it's finally time?" Rory asks. Lorelai looks up at her, confused.

"Howdy Doody time?" Rory rolls her eyes.

"No, time for you to do something for yourself. I mean, you're 53."

"Thanks for the reminder," Lorelai replies snidely.

"You're welcome." Rory smiles. "What I mean is that you're 53. Technically, half of your life is over and you haven't really lived any of it for yourself, I mean since I was born. You lived your life for me and then for Nicolas and Lucy. I mean you had your fun, but we always came first."

"So?"

"So what I'm saying is that maybe it's time for you just to forget all of that. Both of you. You guys have done everything for us. You for me, Nicolas and Lucy. Him for April, Liz, Jess, Loren. We're all grown. We can all take care of ourselves now, even if we're not all out of the house yet."

"True."

"I mean, maybe it's finally time for you two to realize that no one's as important as yourselves and if you both want to be together, just be together, stop worrying about who else it's affecting."

"But…" Rory raises a hand to stop her.

"Mom, you still love him, right?" Rory asks. Lorelai takes a deep breath, glancing over at the diner. "I know you do. I know you never stopped loving him."

"Maybe," Lorelai says quietly.

"And he never stopped loving you, I could tell. Every time I came back to visit, I could tell." Lorelai looks back at Rory. "Just think about it okay? For me?" Lorelai nods.

"Okay," Lorelai agrees.

The next day, Lorelai has somehow gotten Rory to stick to the schedule that she planned before Rory's arrival in Stars Hollow. So they head over to Luke's for breakfast with the rest of the family, neither one knowing what to expect from this visit. "Oh Butch!" Lorelai calls as she, Rory, Nicolas, Lucy and Lily walk in the door. Luke glances over from pouring a customer some coffee and glares at her before seeing Rory and instantly smiling. He nods to the customer, sets the coffee pot down and walks over to Rory enveloping her in a hug.

"Hey Rory!" Lorelai looks on proudly, pleased with the still strong relationship between Luke and Rory. "Hey, Lily, long time no see." He bends down and hugs her as well.

"Lukey!" Lily exclaims, having obviously met Luke before and liked it. Lorelai raises her eyebrows, sharing an impressed look with Rory. Luke can't keep the smile off his face as he looks at the whole family.

"Whoa, Luke, don't smile so much, it's freaking me out," Lucy teases. But Luke gives his dirty look at Lorelai, who grins.

"Seriously, stop lying to your daughter about me," he insists. Lorelai shakes her head. He sighs. "Coffee?"

"Yes, coffee all around," Lorelai replies, circling her finger at her whole family.

"Always glad to know I'm destroying a whole family with that stuff," Luke grumbles and walks off. Lorelai and Rory share a grin.

"Let's take the table over there," Lorelai says, guiding Lily over to the table she picked. "Unless you want to make a go at bagel hockey," she adds, glancing over her shoulder at Rory.

"Oh bagel hockey!" Rory exclaims. "We've definitely got enough for a game."

"No bagel hockey," Luke insists walking back over with four mugs and setting them down on the table.

"What a way to ruin the party," Lorelai grumps.

"This is a business, Lorelai. Do I go to your place of work and try to play baseball?" Luke responds.

"Inside? No. But the diner was made for bagel hockey," Lorelai replies. Lily nods eagerly. "Give him the eyes," Lorelai tells her, nudging her. Lily sticks out her bottom lip, letting her eyes go wide.

"I hate when you do that," Luke tells Lorelai, trying not to look at Lily's face.

"Look at this sad sad child. Even Stalin wouldn't be able to say no to this face," Lorelai says, her hands on Lily's shoulders.

"Pwease Luke?" Lily begs in a small child voice. Luke rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, pwease Luke," Lorelai chimes in.

"You have the maturity level of a four year old," Luke tells Lorelai. He looks down at Lily. "Sorry, Lil, this isn't the kind of place for bagel hockey. Some other time."

"And Scrooge McDuck strikes again," Lorelai gripes. "Come on, Lil." She pushes Lily over to the chair where the girl sits down. Everyone else sits down around the table. "You know, there was a time when you offered to play it with me." Luke glances over at the counter, trying to recall that instance.

_You okay?_

_Yeah._

_You don't seem your chipper self._

_I brought some sparklers. I'll light them later and do some kicks._

_You know, if you want I can clear the counter and you can play some bagel hockey._

_You can't play bagel hockey by yourself._

_I'll play with you. You'll have to explain the rules._

_It's okay. I'm still trying to recover from last night. It was one of those nights where you start off stepping in quicksand and end up with a sixteen ton anvil landing on your head._

_I've had plenty of those. I'll bring some coffee._

_Can't hurt._

Luke nods looking back at Lorelai. "Next time you have one of those days, I'll rethink my response. Until then, no bagel hockey." Lorelai pouts.

"Party pooper," Lorelai crabs, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

"So what will we have?" Luke asks, clapping his hands together. Rory glances over at the specials board, and purses her lips.

"Pancakes," Rory decides.

"One stack of pancakes on the house," Luke responds.

"Oh, on the house? Then I'll have them too," Lorelai says.

"Yours are not on the house," Luke tells her.

"Why not?" Lorelai asks.

"Because, you come here everyday. It's not a special day for you. But Rory's not here everyday, it's a special day, she gets free food," Luke explains.

"But I brought Rory here today."

"Doesn't matter."

"I'm the reason that Rory knows you at all."

"Would you just order?" Luke requests, exasperated.

"In fact, I'm the reason that Rory exists at all. If it hadn't been for me, there would be no Rory. No reason to have a special day where there's free food," Lorelai says. Luke glares at her.

"And I would be making a lot more money," Luke responds logically. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, if there were no Rory, I would have never come to Stars Hollow and we would have never met and you wouldn't be rolling in dough from all the coffee you give me."

"You don't even pay for it half the time!" Luke exclaims. Lily giggles at Luke's sudden outburst. Lorelai shakes her head in disappointment.

"Fine. I'll have the pancakes you're getting rich off of," Lorelai says simply. Luke rolls his eyes and glances at Nicolas.

"Milk, that's it," Nicolas says. Luke nods. He looks over at Lucy.

"Eggs, toast, bacon," she lists off. Luke nods looking at Lily.

"Pancakes!" Lily exclaims.

"Are hers free?" Lorelai asks Luke.

"I'm not telling," he responds. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows.

"Interesting choice of things to keep a secret, Burger Boy."

"Either way I answer your question, you'll have some kind of response that I won't want to hear. So, in order to avoid that, I'm just going to go put your order in and we'll forget this whole exchange ever happened," Luke says and walks away.

"Wow, that was little harsh," Lorelai says in a mock-serious voice, turning to her family. Rory and Lucy share a smile. Lorelai glances at Lily, who's sitting next to her. "So you've met Luke before?" Lily nods.

"Yup. A few times. He's funny," Lily says, giggling.

"Oh yeah, that whole angry at the world routine he puts on in a real hoot," Lorelai replies sarcastically. She glances over at Luke, who is busy behind the counter. Rory touches Lorelai's arm.

"You okay?" Rory asks softly. Lorelai looks back at her and nods, giving Rory a pointed look. Rory sneaks a glance over at her siblings and nods.

"Hey guys!" Loren exclaims, walking over to the table. "Hey Rory!"

"Hey, how's it going Loren?" Rory asks. Loren shrugs.

"Oh you know. School. Diner. Friends. Pretty much sums up my life," Loren responds. Rory nods.

"I know what you mean, except when I was your age my life stopped after the first word," Rory says. Loren grins.

"Luce," Loren says to her friend, motioning to her. Lucy looks over at Lorelai who nods. Lucy stands and follows Loren into the back.

"They've become fast friends," Rory observes. Lorelai nods.

"I'm not sure how I feel about that," Lorelai says. "You know, my daughter, his daughter." Nicolas sighs.

"Give it up, Mom. He doesn't annoy you as much as you claim," Nicolas claims. Lorelai raises an eyebrow at him and glances at Rory, who shrugs.

"Kid's got a point," Rory says. Lorelai sighs, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, everyone, just back off," Lorelai snaps. Rory raises an eyebrow. "What!" Rory shakes her head, smiling to herself.

"Nothing, this just seems all so familiar," Rory comments. Lorelai purses her lips looking back over at Luke.

_I will date who I like and if that screws with your plans, then sorry. And if you don't wanna hear things then don't listen._

_But…_

_If you don't listen, you can just deal with it._

_Okay, I'll deal with it._

_Good._

_I just thought if something was going to affect our friendship in some way that you might care about that, because if this situation was reversed then I would care. But hey, that's me. And so… go ahead date her, marry her, make her Mrs. Backwards Baseball Cap, live happily ever after, see if I care._

_And by the way, I wasn't asking her out. I was giving her directions for the quickest way back to Hartford. It was very romantic. I said you take a right at Deerfield and you catch the I-5 and you take it south. Oh man, hot stuff._

_That is so typical of you._

_What?_

_That is not the quickest way back to Hartford. Everyone knows that you take Main to Cherry to Lynwood and the grab the I-11. Everybody knows that Luke. Everybody, apparently, but you!_

As she remembers her frustrations at the time, Lorelai watches Luke, just observing him going through his usual motions of the day. He glances up at her and Lorelai glances quickly away, trying to hide her face in her hair. Rory notices this interaction.

"Mom, you need to talk to him," Rory says softly. Lorelai shakes her head violently.

"No, not now. This is your weekend. And that's what we're concentrating on. Both of us. Two days straight, just us," Lorelai states, as if trying to convince herself. Rory nods, letting it go.


	13. The Things That Killed Our Love

**Chapter 13: The Things That Killed Our Love**

The moment he knew she had left, his life had been forever changed.

Sure, he had moved on. He met Mandy. He married Mandy. They had Loren. But some part of him still lived in the past. Some part of him wondered what life would have been like if things has been different.

The day he stopped by her house to check on Paul Anka and found her note, he thought his life was over.

After their huge fight, the one that would end up being their final one, he had figured she would need a few days cool off. As it was they had already broken off their engagement of a year and destroyed the perfect relationship he had been dreaming of since he met her. After that, he knew it would take more than a few days before they would talk again, but then she had shown up at his place. She had seen Anna. She had cried. And his heart had clenched. And he went into defensive mode.

So he followed her home and they fought. They covered everything. Anna. April. Christopher. Rory. Logan. Liz. TJ. The proposal. The postponement #1. The postponement #2. Paul Anka. The Crap Shack. The Twickham House. His soccer team. Her wedding toast. The proposed elopement #1. The proposed elopement #2. Finally screaming spiteful things to one another meant to be harsh, meant to hurt, meant to tear each other apart, because they were both hurting so much from wanting to be together but didn't know how to look past the pain to the love that caused it. He had supposed that she would get that both of them were angry. Both of them were so hopped up on emotions that neither knew the right thing to say to the other. He had figured she'd take a few days to cool down, just as he had, and both of them would come to their senses.

What he hadn't counted on was her taking his words to heart. He had never expected to walk inside the blue house, he had once almost called his own, and see that note.

The few words scribbled across the page in her indiscriminant handwriting tore him apart. He had read the note over and over hoping that it would at one point make sense. She needed time away. She needed to get away from him, from Stars Hollow, from her memories. But she had said that she would come back.

She never said when.

For weeks he had stared at the phone in the diner. He had kept his cell phone by his bed every night. Daily he had walked over to her house to check on Paul Anka and listen to her answering machine messages, hoping that she would realize he would stop in and leave a message there. No such luck.

He had often thought of picking up the phone and calling her, but what would he say? They had been apart before. Just at the start of their relationship they had been apart. But they had spoken, nightly, sometimes twice nightly, on the phone. And she had begged him to come back, between her sentences he could read that she missed him as much as he missed her. And when he had gotten back and first seen her, the smile on her face was repayment enough for those missing weeks.

_So you're here. You're not a mirage._

_I told you I was coming back._

_But you lied to me repeatedly for weeks so your credibility's been shattered._

_I know it's been seven weeks._

_Seven weeks._

This time was different. He couldn't call her and flirt and tease her about coming back, because it was his fault she had left. He didn't expect to have her come back with that 'I'm so glad to see you again' smile on her face. And eventually he had realized that he never expected to see her again.

Eventually Mandy had started coming around. She was young but mature beyond her years. She had brought something out in him, the little boy still hidden deep inside. Liz teased him saying that he had gone through a midlife crisis and that eventually he'd realize when he screwed up. But she didn't have to tell him, he knew. Eventually it had just become easier to be that little boy again, let Mandy take care of him, let her love him, let himself be her world, though she could never be his.

After losing Mandy, he thought he would have had no time to think of Lorelai again. He had lost his wife, the woman who was completely devoted to him. He had gained a daughter, whom he could scarcely think of how he was going to take care of. But Lorelai was still on his mind. Every moment of every day, she was still there.

Raising Loren had been easy. He had pictured how Lorelai would have done it with their own child. He had given her rules as Lorelai would have. He had bought her clothes that he suspected Lorelai would have. He had teased her and played with her and loved her as if she was the child he should have had with Lorelai.

But at night, Lorelai wasn't just an idea of a mother. She was a full image in his mind. He could picture her in the nursery rocking Loren to sleep. He imagined her singing to Loren. He could see them tickling Loren and making her laugh and giggle. And the brightest image in his mind was of Lorelai wrapped in his arms, holding Loren close, whispering all her dreams for their child. All the dreams that could have and would have come true if only…

Loren had grown up happy and healthy and seemingly perfect even though lacking in motherly support. He knew that he was her world and he imagined that would always be enough, that loving Loren was his destiny.

That was all fine, until the day the bells on the door above the diner had jingled, surprising him in the afternoon, and he had looked up to see her standing in the doorway. She was like a mystical princess. An angel and a nymph in human form with a bright smile, sparkling eyes and oozing charisma. And it was like no time had passed, she looked just as he had imagined her and just as he remembered her from fifteen years before.

Though it had been rough at first for both of them, both trying to deal with being in each other's presence without only remembering the bad times, they had found a good rhythm. In fact, he imagined that they had returned to the relationship they had once had as friends, long before either one had considered giving into the feelings they both held deep inside. They were close friends. They would banter and tease and laugh and just enjoy each other's company. They loved each other's children and reveled in the fact that they could enjoy this kind of relationship after all this time.

But what still hurt him, was that he knew he still loved her. That would never go away. Once he had known what it was like to touch his lips to hers and have her arch into him. He had been able to hold her close to him at night and breathe in her sweet scent that was so very Lorelai. He had been the one to receive her light caresses and loving smiles. What he had lost was the fact that he had once been the only one for her, the man of her dreams, the person she would go to whenever she felt heartache and the only man she had ever really loved. He had been her home and that was a bitter pill for him to swallow.

He had to go on. Though she was not his, Lorelai was finally back in his life. She would go into his diner once, if not twice a day. They would chat and joke and mock. And now he needed to deal with the idea that this might be as close as he was ever going to get.

So when Loren walked in the diner that afternoon, Luke instantly knew that something was off.

"Hey Pops," Loren teases as she walks in the diner. She saunters up to the counter and leans over to kiss Luke's cheek. "Midafternoon lull?" Loren asks glancing around. Luke follows her gaze as he cleans a few glasses.

"It's been a pretty dull day actually. No one new, just the usuals," Luke says.

"Well that's not surprising. Stars Hollow isn't usually a hopping place in the middle of January," Loren notes. Luke cracks a smile.

"I don't imagine that Stars Hollow is usually a hopping place at all." Loren's mouth drops open in mock horror.

"Of course it is. The firelight festival? The summer madness festival? The Independence Day fireworks? All big tourist attractions. And I know you love them all," Loren responds. Luke chuckles.

"I try to put in an appearance." Loren scoffs.

"Yeah, when I drag you kicking and screaming. You're like a troublesome 8 year old being sent to the principal's office for looking up the little girl's skirts," Loren replies. Now it's Luke's turn to be astonished. Loren rolls her eyes. "Give it up, Dad. I know you by now." Luke shrugs.

"So, how's school going? You glad to be back in the swing of things after winter break?" Luke asks. He grabs a plate of fries from the window and sets it in front of her. Loren shrugs picking up a fry.

"It's okay, I guess. I'm not Lucy," Loren replies.

"Lucy likes school?" Luke asks. Loren raises an eyebrow.

"Lucy is obsessed with school. It's like there's no such thing as boys or TV to her."

"There is no such thing as boys for both of you," Luke responds. Loren giggles.

"Oh Dad, I'm fourteen. The boys took down the no girls allowed sign a year ago."

"Well in your case they're putting it back up. No dating." Loren giggles. "I'm serious Loren." Loren winks and eats another fry. Luke huffs. "Don't be getting any ideas from Lucy's mom, she's not the one I want you going to for boy advice. Face it, boys are two years old, and they'll always act like that until you're 35 and then we'll talk." Loren rolls her eyes smiling.

"Speaking of Lucy's mom, did you see her today?" Loren asks. Luke looks up, trying to remember.

"Actually no. Strange. She must have wanted to go a day without killing herself." He watches Loren's face for a moment. "Why are you asking about Lorelai?" Loren shrugs eating another fry.

"Nicolas wasn't in school today. I thought he was sick and maybe Lorelai mentioned something to you." Luke shakes his head.

"She didn't. She didn't even come in." He glances over at the phone, considering his options. "I could call Sookie to see if she knows," he mumbles. Loren nods, chewing on her fry. Luke sighs. "That would probably be prying. I'm sure everything's all right."

"Da-ad," Loren whines. Luke looks up at her inquisitively. "She's your friend, you have a right to be worried about a friend."

"I'm sure she's fine," Luke insists.

"But what if she's not? You could screw up your friendship in so many ways, Dad, but not taking a moment to check up on her better not be one of them," Loren responds. Luke stares at her, hearing his own words in his head for a moment.

_The dog ate chocolate. And I don't know a lot about dogs but I do know they shouldn't eat chocolate. I went to the animal hospital and they were closed and I called Babette and she told me where you lived and you gotta do something! Because this is not my dog, this is my fiancée's dog! She loves him. She named him Paul Anka, which may on the surface not seem like a sign of love, but if you knew her you'd get it. And believe me, there's a lot of ways I could screw up this relationship, but I cannot lose her over the fact that I killed her dog._

"Dad?" Loren calls, bring him back to the present.

"You're right," Luke replies softly. Loren raises an eyebrow. "I can't lose her over the fact that I won't make a two second phone call…" Loren narrows her eyes in confusion.

"Lose her?" Loren repeats, a little confused. But Luke ignores her and picks up the phone, dialing quickly.

"Hi. Michel? No, this is not a prank call." Luke sighs. "No, Michel, I am not calling to harass you. No! No. No. Michel!" Luke shouts. "Just put Sookie on the phone." Loren rests her chin in her hand, enjoying the side of the conversation that she can hear. "Michel, I swear to God, you don't put Sookie on the phone right now I'm going to take my spatula and shove it so far up your ass that… Thank you." Luke shakes his head as he waits. Loren grins and eats a fry. "Hi, Sookie. It's Luke. Yeah I know. Was Lorelai in today? Well do you know why? Do you know if she's at home? Yeah all right, thanks." Luke hangs up sighs. He glances over his shoulder at Loren.

"Anything?" Loren asks. Luke shakes his head.

"She hasn't been in today. Sookie hasn't talked to her. And Michel's the biggest putz alive." Loren giggles. Luke picks up the phone and dials Lorelai's home number. He slowly draws in a deep breath, sharing a look with Loren as the phone continues to ring. "Lorelai! Lorelai, it's me. Call me as soon as you get this!" Luke slams down the phone. "Let's go." Luke motions for Loren to follow him. "Caesar, I'll be back!" Loren jumps off the stool and follows Luke out of the diner.

It takes Luke and Loren barely five minutes to get to Lorelai's house, running as fast as they can. Both being Danes's, their running skills are up to par. Though high school was over for Luke, he still hadn't forgotten his sprinting technique. They arrive outside the house barely panting.

Nicolas and Lucy are sitting on the porch swing. He has his arm wrapped around her and she's leaning into his shoulder. They see Luke and Loren walk up but don't move to greet them. Luke and Loren share a look and walk up to the other side of the porch railing.

"Hey," Luke says, when they reach the porch railing. Nicolas nods to him.

"We were worried when you didn't show up in school and your mom didn't go to work. Is everything okay?" Loren asks in a small voice, surprised to see tears on the face of her normally strong friend.

"Where's your mom?" Luke asks. Nicolas motions upwards with his head. "Her bedroom?" Nicolas nods. "Is she hurt?" Nicolas shakes his head.

"She…" Nicolas glances at Lucy to make sure she's okay. "Today's the anniversary of my dad's death," Nicolas explains.

"Oh wow," Loren whispers, tears coming to her eyes. Luke wraps an arm around her, squeezing her shoulder.

"I'm sorry to hear that guys. Is there anything we can do?" Luke wonders. Nicolas shakes his head, leaning his head back on Lucy's. Luke nods, understanding. "Okay." Luke steps back, although hesitant to leave.

"Luke," Lucy says softly. "Can you stay?" Luke nods.

"We're here for you guys," Luke promises. He motions for Loren to go join Lucy on the swing. Loren climbs the steps, sitting on the other side of Lucy. She lays her head on her friend's shoulder, wrapping her arms around Lucy's arm.

"Thanks," Lucy whispers hoarsely, a tear running down her cheek.

"I would tell you that this is the first anniversary and promise that everything's going to get better, but I can't," Luke says. "All I can say is that I know exactly what you're going through." Loren watches her father, having never really heard these words from him before.

"How old were you when your dad died?" Lucy asks in a small voice.

"I was 18. I had just finished high school and I thought that nothing could hurt me. Little did I know that my dad would be diagnosed with cancer and dead within the next few months." Loren gasps.

"Oh Luke, that's terrible," Lucy says. Luke nods, folding his hands on the railing.

"How'd you get over it?" Nicolas asks.

"I never did," Luke replies, focusing on Loren. "Every year on that anniversary of my dad's death I have a dark day. I don't talk to anyone. I don't work. I just mope around." Luke shrugs. "It was better than hurting the ones I loved because I was in pain."

"Dad, you could have told me," Loren says.

"Yeah. I should have Loren," Luke realizes.

"Lorelai knows, doesn't she?" Loren asks. Luke nods. "Why did you tell her?" Luke steps away from the railing, glancing over at the chuppah.

_I still don't know why I'm doing this._

_You're doing it for your dad._

_Yeah I guess. Although, he's dead so he'd never know if I was doing it any different._

_He knows. He's got the big Luke picture screen on twenty-four hours a day and he watches and smiles._

"Because she understood my dad even though she never met him," Luke responds vaguely. Loren smiles to herself as she rubs Lucy's arm. "Anyways, I just want you guys to know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can come to me. I'm always here."

"Thanks Luke," Lucy answers with a soft smile. Nicolas nods his agreement.

"I'm going to head up to check on Lorelai, you guys going to be okay?" Luke asks. Lucy nods, snuggling close to Loren.

"We'll be fine. Mom needs you," Nicolas says. Luke glances up at the window where he knows Lorelai's bedroom is. He wonders for a moment if there's a Frisbee up there and smiles to himself.

Winking at Loren, Luke walks in the house.

After all this time, Luke hasn't forgotten his way through the house and up to Lorelai's bedroom. He pauses, tapping lightly on the door. But, as he figured, there is no response. "Lorelai," he calls softly as he opens the door.

The scene on the other side of the door is a surprise to him. Lorelai lays on her bed, on her side of the bed, at least the side that had been hers back when he shared the bed with her. She is laying flat on her back, looking up at the ceiling. There are no tissues strewn about and there are no streaks of tears on her cheeks.

"Lorelai?" Luke calls again, walking up to the bed. Lorelai wipes a hand across her eyes as if she's been crying.

"Are they worried?" she asks softly.

"Well you've been up here the whole day," Luke responds. Lorelai nods and smiles.

"Good."

"Good?" Luke repeats questioningly. Lorelai nods, folding her hands over her stomach.

"Yeah, good. They need to think that I'm that upset." Luke sighs, climbing onto the bed, kneeling next to her. Lorelai looks up at him sorrowfully. "I feel terrible. I'm a horrible person." She sighs, fiddling with her fingers. "I miss him, but not like I should. I never should have married him."

"Lorelai," Luke says, touching her shoulder gently. "Did you love him more than Max?" Lorelai furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

"What does that have to do with Larry?" Luke shrugs.

"You didn't marry Max. I'm just wondering why you married Larry and not Max."

"Oh."

"Rory said you didn't marry Max because of Christopher," Luke says. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.

"Really? She said that?" Lorelai chuckles to herself. "I didn't marry Max because of you."

"Me?"

"You made it pretty clear to me that you have to love the person you're marrying and they have to love you as you are." Luke frowns, trying to remember this conversation.

_I guess, for some people, marriage, you know, isn't the worst thing in the world. I mean, it's probably better than being hobbled or something like that._

_And people can evolve together, don't you think?_

_Maybe._

_Yoko and John Lennon did. They just got closer and closer as the years went by. At the end, they had the same face._

_Yeah, it got a little spooky._

_But cool._

_Yeah, they were lucky. I guess if you can find that person, you know, who's willing to put up with all your crap and doesn't want to change you or dress you or, you know, make you eat French food, then marriage can be all right. But that's only if you find that person._

_Yeah, if you find that person._

"And Max wasn't that person?" Luke asks. Lorelai shrugs, looking back up at the ceiling.

"He didn't love me for me. Christopher didn't love me for me." Lorelai purses her lips. "And I never loved them either."

"And Larry?" Luke asks. Lorelai glances at him and shakes her head.

"We shouldn't have gotten married. I was an angel to him, a saint, I wasn't me." Lorelai slowly lets out a deep breath. "And I never loved him. I hate myself for marrying him and never loving him and taking the best part of him. I think that's the worst part. I never loved him. He married me, spent almost 14 years with me. He could have been with someone else. Someone more deserving. I kept him from 'her', whoever she is, because I'm selfish. Because he treated me like a goddess and I loved it and he was willing to settle for a women who didn't love him and be a father to her children." Luke rubs Lorelai's arm softly.

"I guess it was his decision." Lorelai shrugs and sits up, turning to face Luke.

"I see him in Lucy. Every moment of every day, I see him in Lucy. And I can try to pretend it away all I want but it's there. And I'm lying to my daughter. She thinks I'm up here upset because my husband is dead but really I'm just feeling guilty because he never got to be with a woman who deserved him." Lorelai sniffs as tears finally fall. Luke wraps his arms around her, hugging her to him as she cries, his fingers rubbing circles on her back and gently stoking her hair.

"Shh, Lorelai don't say that," Luke murmurs. "He loved you. He wanted to be with you."

"I'm a horrible person," Lorelai cries. "I push away those that I love and I hurt the ones who love me, because my dream is to have the whole package and in order to get that I destroy any hope I have of being happy and I don't know what to do. I'm pathetic. I'm a failure as a person."

"No, you're not," Luke insists. Lorelai wipes her eyes, leaning completely against Luke now. "No, you're not."

After a moment, Lorelai pulls back, looking up at Luke. "You know, you're really good at that."

_Anything I can do?_

_You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, 'I wish I was married', but today. I mean, I'm happy. I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV._

_Yeah, sure._

_But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada._

_What happened?_

_I thought I had everything under control but I didn't and then inn is just falling apart. This has been my dream forever and I have it and it's here and I'm failing. I can't handle it. I just spend every minute running around and working and thinking. And I thought I would have some help but Sookie has Davey and Michel has Celine and I'm… I can't do it all by myself. And I don't even have time to see my kid. And, hell, forget see her just even talk to her and I miss her. And I sat there in my parents' house just listening to my grandmother call me a charity case and I couldn't even argue with her. I couldn't even say anything because I am. I'm running out of money and I don't know what to do about it and I was gonna – I was gonna ask you for thirty thousand dollars at dinner tonight. That's how pathetic I am._

_Thirty thousand dollars. Well, okay, I mean if you –_

_I don't want to talk about it now. I don't want to think about it. I'm failing. I'm failing._

_You are not failing._

_I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do._

_It's okay._

Luke cracks a small smile. "I'm just always there when things fall apart," he tells her. Lorelai nods, leaning back against him.

"Oh Luke, I just… I shouldn't have ever married him," Lorelai whispers, shaking her head.

"Shhh, Lorelai. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay," Luke whispers into her hair. Lorelai closes her eyes, just feeling his arms around her, comforting her, and lets go, at least for the moment, of all the mistakes she's made, of everything gone wrong.


	14. Your Pride Has Built A Wall

**Chapter 14: Your Pride Has Built A Wall**

Lorelai sits in the diner at table by the window just staring out in contemplation. Her hand rests next to her coffee cup, her pointer finger tracing patterns on the handle. Her other elbow is on the table, her head almost resting on her hand as she chews lightly on the tip of her little finger. She is oblivious to everything around her. Caesar is screaming at Luke's newly hired cook that he doesn't know how to make a tuna melt. Kirk is complaining that his check is wrong to no one around him. A table of soccer moms sits in the far corner arguing over which of their kids got the most grass stains during the recent game. But Lorelai hears none of this. Not a single sentence uttered moves her at all.

Then she spots him. He walks around the corner carrying a large bag in his hands and stomps angrily towards the diner. He throws open the door and marches in, not noticing the woman watching his every move.

"Caesar! I have the bananas but I swear there's not a single bunch left in the entire state of Connecticut after these," Luke shouts, setting the bags on the ledge between the diner and the kitchen.

He takes a moment to survey the diner. He sees the soccer moms. He sees Kirk waving his check around and talking to himself. And his eyes land on her. She stares back at him with the same intensity. And the gaze harbors somewhere close to life-changing. And they are both reminded of a moment, when their eyes locked and their life together was altered forever.

_How'd you land the gig?_

_My father owns the place, the diner at least, not sure about the land._

_Your father?_

_My biological father. Not sure what to call him, it's kinda new. Not the biological part, that was years ago. I wonder if brown rice would work good too? Brown might be more decorative or it might backfire. People might think there's bugs in the salt. I should put some brown rice in one of the shakers and use it as a control group against the other ones._

_I thought you couldn't get away._

_I got away._

_She said she wasn't a strangler –_

_Uh, you want to go outside and –_

_Uh-huh_

_April, I'll be right back. Okay?_

_Okay._

After gazing at her a moment, Luke turns to grab the coffee pot. Picking up a mug as well, he heads over to her table. "Hey," he says gruffly.

"Hey yourself," she replies, smiling with both her eyes and her lips. "So you wouldn't suggest ordering a banana split?" Lorelai asks innocently. Luke grimaces.

"Can you imagine the insipid person who thought that I had time to drive out to Woodbridge to get three bushels of bananas?" Luke wonders rhetorically.

"So you're having a bit of a day," Lorelai comments. Luke heaves a sigh as he pours coffee in her cup, not noticing that she already has one. "Anything you want to talk about?" Luke sets the coffee pot down on the table staring at her, almost as if trying to decide something.

"Actually, yes," he answers cryptically. Lorelai cocks her head, waiting for him to talk but he doesn't. She furrows her eyebrows.

"Are we talking telepathically? Cuz, really, my ESP's been kinda off lately. I don't know what's been going on there," Lorelai jokes. Luke wags his head. He glances up at the counter to make sure all was being taken care of. Lorelai sits back and glances over at the counter and back at him. "Do you want to sit down and join me?"

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" Luke asks. Lorelai grimaces.

"I'd really rather we talk here, unless this is something you'd rather Kirk didn't interrupt," Lorelai says, motioning with her head at Kirk, who sits behind her, still grumbling to himself. Luke slowly draws in a breath.

"Fine."

"Oh-kay…" Luke stares down at his hands. "Do you want to sit?"

"Huh?" Lorelai smiles uncertainly.

"What is up with you, Luke?"

"Nothing!" Luke responds quickly. Lorelai nods, but doesn't look like she believes him. She pats the seat next to her.

"Well then take a load off, Caesar has the diner under control. Besides I think he'd prefer if you calmed down before taking the reigns again," Lorelai teases. Luke pulls out the chair and sits down, folding his hands on the table in front of him. Lorelai stares at him, waiting for him to say something. "Luke, the United States and Russia had a shorter silence." Luke looks over at her.

"Lorelai, do you remember last month?" Luke asks. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows.

"Last month…" Lorelai repeats the words slowly. "Are you worried I have Alzheimer's or something? Did I forget your birthday? Because I promise you, Luke, everything's all right in this noggin." She taps the side of her head. "Besides I don't expect to lose my memory for years to come, my mother's sharp as a tack at 82." Luke chuckles.

"Yes, I know that." He leans back, settling one hand on the corner of the back of her chair. "Last month after your mother's Christmas Party…" Lorelai nods, a small smile slowly creeping over her face. "You remember?" She nods again. "We kissed."

"Oh, was that you? See, I thought it was Harry of the Henderson's fame. I was wondering why I never heard from him again," Lorelai jokes.

"I'm being serious, Lorelai," Luke says. Lorelai makes a stern expression on her face.

"Okay, got it."

"We kissed Lorelai," Luke repeats. Lorelai looks away smiling to herself.

_We kissed. You and me, we kissed?_

_I remember._

_And it was… unexpected._

_Lorelai relax, I'm fine if you just want to forget it ever happened, really._

_No I don't want to forget it ever happened. It was a great kiss._

_Yeah?_

_If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences._

_Okay._

_So, what do you think?_

_I think I'm really relieved you feel that way._

_So you concur?_

_Dear God, yes._

Luke chuckles, remembering the conversation as well. "It's not that easy this time, Luke," Lorelai says quietly. Luke nods, knowingly. He moves his hand from the chair to let it rest on her shoulder. She looks over at him and he almost thinks he can see sadness in her eyes.

"I know Lorelai," he responds gruffly.

"I mean, everything's different. Last time, it was something new. Something wonderful but unexpected. And this time… it was still unexpected…"

"But not so wonderful," Luke concludes. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, no it was wonderful. You are an amazing kisser, Luke. A gold medalist when it comes to kissing," she assures him. "It's just that last time we were going from friends to more than friends. And this time… we're not. We were engaged. We were… lovers. Luke. And then everything went to hell in a handbasket. And we lost so much and I…" She hesitates, looking down at her hands. "I just don't think that this would be a small step this time. I mean, it would have to be all or nothing." She purses her lips, sniffing. Then she looks up into Luke's eyes. "I mean, what do you think? Do you want to be with me again? Can you trust me again?" Lorelai asks, giving Luke an uncertain look. Luke shrugs.

"Lorelai… You're right, it was unexpected. But yes, I do want to be with you, I never should have let you go last time," Luke replies. "I hurt you and I'm sorry." Lorelai shakes her head.

"It wasn't all your fault. Come on, I was the one who put the final nail in the coffin. And so soon after I was trying to push you into something you weren't ready for."

"I might have been…" Luke sighs. "It can be different this time. I mean, just think about it. After all this time, after all these years, we're still here. It's still just you and me and, just maybe, that means something."

_It's so weird how this happened, you know? It's like this dress was a sign or something._

_There are no signs._

_Oh my God!_

_What?_

_Oh my God, it started snowing! It started snowing right as I started talking about signs. That, my friend, is a sign!_

_That is not a sign. That is weather._

_No. This is more than weather. This is fate._

Lorelai shakes her head, looking back out the window. "You don't believe in that Luke. You don't believe in fate."

"Some things do change after fifteen years," Luke responds. She shakes her head, still not looking at him. "Lorelai…" He rubs her arm gently. "I want to be with you. I'm ready for it all but I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to do."

"I want…" She purses her lips, as her words trail off.

"Lorelai?" Luke cocks his head, trying to get her to look at him and finally she turns away from the window to look at him. "Do you want to be with me again?" Lorelai stares into his eyes, as if trying to decide if she does. The bells ring above the door and Lorelai, who is facing the door, looks up.

"Hey Nicolas," she says, forcing a smile on her face. Luke sighs, wishing he hadn't said he believed in signs, and turns around slightly, to look up at Nicolas.

"Hey Mom. Hey Luke," Nicolas responds, holding tight to Martha's hand.

"You come to see me?" Lorelai asks. Nicolas shakes his head.

"No, I told Luce and Loren that I'd meet them here," Nicolas responds.

"Wow, way to make a mother feel good about herself," Lorelai grumbles. Nicolas grins. "Okay, well…" She stands, as Luke's hand drops off her shoulder. "Work calls. Don't be home too late tonight, Nicky. You have school tomorrow. And Martha, your mother wants you to call her if you're going to miss dinner." Martha nods.

"I will Lorelai, thanks," Martha replies. Lorelai nods. She casts a quick glance at Luke, who is staring at up at her, disgruntled.

"Well, I'll see you all later," Lorelai says brightly, smiling at Nicolas and Martha before walking out. Luke watches her leave but she doesn't glance back. Sighing, Luke places his hands on his knees and stands, reluctantly.

"Can I get you two anything?" Luke offers. Nicolas and Martha share a look.

"No, we're fine. Are Lucy and Loren upstairs?" Martha asks. Luke glances at the back, trying to remember.

"I think they might be, you can go check," Luke responds.

"We will, thanks Mr. Danes," Martha responds.

"For God's sake Martha, call me Luke. I thought you grew out of that polite stage." Martha giggles.

"Okay Luke." She shares a look with Nicolas, who motions with is head towards the back. "See ya later." They walk into the back and up the stairs. Nicolas raps on the door.

"Coming!" they hear Loren call.

"Hey!" Loren squeals as she opens the door and lets them inside, closing the door behind him.

"You guys ready for the movie?" Nicolas asks.

"Oh yeah, let me get my purse," Loren says and walks over to the dresser.

"Oh, wait, we brought you something," Martha remembers.

"Me?" Loren asks. Martha shakes her head.

"No, Lucy." She holds out what seems to be a photo to Lucy, who stands from her bean bag chair. Lucy walks over to Martha and takes the picture from her, holding it gingerly, staring at it.

"Wow," Lucy gasps.

"What is it?" Loren asks, walking up and peaking over her friend's shoulder. "Oh wow!"

"Yeah, that's my mom and Rory," Lucy tells Loren.

"Yup, it is. That's my Christening," Martha says.

"You had a Christening?" Lucy asks with surprise, smirking. "Your parents aren't any more religious than mine."

"Yes, but my dad's family likes to pretend they are so that they can get my dad and mom to do things they don't want to do. Like have a Christening for their two children and a 35 year old man at the same time."

"Wait, is this your dad's Christening too?" Loren asks in disbelief. Martha nods and the two fourteen year olds shriek with laughter. "That's hilarious!"

"I know, a real hoot. My dad doesn't like to talk about it," Martha responds.

"So my mom is your godmother?" Lucy asks, looking up at Martha, who nods. "Wow, I didn't know that."

"I didn't either," Nicolas adds.

"Is that Davey?" Loren asks, pointing to the little boy in Rory's arms. Martha nods. "Oh he's so adorable. I wonder what happened…" She and Martha giggle. Lucy brings the picture closer to her eyes to take a closer look.

"This is when Mom and Rory were fighting isn't it?" Lucy realizes, glancing up at Nicolas. He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods.

"Yeah, probably why we've never seen pictures from this," Nicolas responds.

"Yeah…" Lucy agrees, pursing her lips and staring at the picture again. "Mom really looked beautiful. Rory too, but Mom, wow."

"Your mom is still beautiful," Loren comments. Lucy smiles at Loren and then looks back at the picture. "You look a lot like her."

"You think?" Lucy asks, staring at Lorelai in the picture. "Maybe…" She smiles to herself and then notices something that makes her furrow her eyebrows. "Hey, what's that?"

"What?" Martha asks, walking over to look over Lucy's shoulder.

"That," Lucy repeats, pointing at the picture.

"I don't see anything," Martha says.

"The ring. On Mom's finger. It – it looks like an engagement ring."

"Well, Mom was engaged before, to Max," Nicolas reminds her. Lucy nods, frowning.

"Yeah, back before Sookie and Jackson were even engaged. This is after that. Much after. I wonder where that ring came from. I wonder who it came from," Lucy says softly.

"Maybe Mom was just wearing a ring on the wrong finger, she's crazy like that. Or maybe she came back after getting engaged to Dad," Nicolas suggests. Lucy shakes her head.

"Couldn't be. She never came back after meeting Dad. And she didn't meet Dad until after she worked things out with Rory. This is before she met Dad." Lucy huffs, frustrated with not knowing. She looks up at Nicolas. "Was Mom engaged to someone other than Dad and Max?" Nicolas shrugs. "Did she get married? Did she have any kids?"

"Lucy…I think you're making something out of nothing. Mom would have told us if she had gotten married," Nicolas insists.

"Yeah but…" Lucy flips over the photo. "I mean look at the date. It's your birthday, I mean a year before." She purses her lips, tapping her foot. "Mom was engaged a year before she had you."

"Lucy just stop!" Nicolas yells. Lucy's eyes fly open as do Martha's as they both stare at him in alarm. "Let it go. If Mom wanted us to know, she would have told us. She didn't and that's fine by me. Now the movie starts in twenty minutes so if we don't head out now we'll never make it. Go get your coat and let's go." Lucy glares at Nicolas. "Now Lucy!" Lucy sighs, shoving the picture in her back pocket, resolving not to give up.

"Fine," she says quietly and walks away to go get her coat.

Later that night, Luke has pretty much closed the diner. He's turned off most of the lights, but hasn't yet locked the door. As he goes through the register, the bells ring over the door and he looks up to see Lorelai standing there. They stare at each other a moment.

"I needed to think," she says hoarsely. Luke nods slightly. She takes a deep breath and shudders as she lets it out.

"Can I get you some coffee?" Luke offers after a second. They both glance over at the empty coffee pot. He sighs, shrugging. "Well I could make some I guess."

"No," Lorelai responds quickly. "No, it's fine. Don't bother. I can only stay a moment anyways, gotta make sure the kids got home okay, that kinda thing." Luke nods. Lorelai presses her lips together. "I just…I wanted to give you this." Hesitating for only a second, she walks up to the counter and hands him a small envelope. Luke accepts it, staring at it a moment and then looks over at Lorelai.

"Did you come up with an answer to my question?" Luke asks.

"Just open it," Lorelai responds. Luke glances again at the envelope. She watches him slowly turn the envelope over. "You know, it's easier if you open it than trying to read enough the envelope," she teases. Luke glances up at her giving her an amused smile.

"Thanks for the tip," he responds.

"That's what I'm here for, my friend," she replies. Luke looks back at the envelope and begins to open it. A fearful look comes over Lorelai's face. "You know, I'll be outside." She turns and walks out the door. Luke stares at her for a moment and then finishes opening the envelope. He draws out the day's horoscope page and quickly finds Scorpio on the page and reads Lorelai's quirky handwriting underneath.

**You will meet a crazy woman today. Let her back into your life and you'll be the luckiest man alive.**

Luke reads the little slip of paper again and a third time. He looks up at the door. Clutching the piece of newspaper in his hand, Luke walks slowly around the counter and up to the door. Through the window he can see her sitting on the step outside, facing away from him, hunched over her knees. Luke slowly opens the door, not taking his eyes off of her.

Hearing the bells ring, Lorelai looks up. Using her hands to push herself off the step, Lorelai slowly stands and turns around. Her face holds a hopeful expression but Luke can see the tears on her cheeks.

_I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?_

_It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person –_

_Ooh, is it me? Is it me?_

_This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy._

_Ooh, it's me._

_I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her._

_Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful._

_She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me._

_God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?_

_So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under "Scorpio," she had written, "you will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away." I gave her coffee._

_But she didn't go away._

_She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me one day it would bring me luck._

After holding her gaze for a moment, Luke looks back down at the horoscope, reading it over again.

"Luke," she whispers, her voice shaking. He looks back up at her. She takes a deep breath, gathering her strength and courage. "After all this time, after all these years, I never stopped loving you. Did you ever stop loving me?" Luke stares at her, needing a moment to actually comprehend her words through the fog in his head. Lorelai swallows, almost afraid of his answer.

"No, Lorelai, I never stopped loving you." Slowly a smile forms on Lorelai's lips as Luke's eyes smile back her lovingly. She almost moves towards him, but hesitates. Luke nods. Lorelai takes a step towards him. Cupping the back of his head, she presses her lips to his, softly and gently kissing him for the first time in so long. He kisses her back, loving the feeling after all of these years. Pulling back only slightly, Lorelai breathes a second, resting her forehead against his.

"No turning back this time," she whispers. Luke shakes his head, his eyes locking with hers.

"No turning back this time," he answers. Luke's hands grip Lorelai's waist as he leans back towards her, capturing her lips once again hungrily. They kiss longingly, letting their lips linger, then deepening, letting their mouths open to one another, their tongues colliding passionately as Lorelai arches towards him.

Finally Lorelai pulls back, looking up into his eyes, smiling at him. "I have to go, the kids are at home and they have school tomorrow," she says hoarsely. Luke nods.

"Go then, I'll see you tomorrow morning," Luke answers. Lorelai nods. They smile at each other flirtatiously. Lorelai nods and then walks away, glancing back and winking, before running off back to her house.

Lorelai arrives home quickly, her face still flushed and heart still beating rapidly. She walks in her front door, throwing her keys and purse on the couch. She sighs running her hands through her hair and then tucking it behind her ears.

Walking into the kitchen, Lorelai finds Lucy at the table doing homework. "Hey Angel," Lorelai says, laying a kiss on Lucy's head. "Homework Nazis got you again?" Lorelai asks as she walks over to the fridge. Lucy sighs, putting her pencil down.

"Yeah. You should have warned me that I was signing my life away by agreeing to go to this school," Lucy complains. Lorelai gets a bottle of water out of the fridge and closes the door behind her.

"Oh Sweets, I warned you, I swear. But you're your father's daughter. I can't change that," Lorelai responds. Lucy folds her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair, pouting. Lorelai walks up and lays a hand on Lucy's shoulder. "Hey I know it's a lot of work, but it will pay off when you're the next Ian Osterloh." Lucy rolls her eyes, groaning.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want to do with my life," Lucy crabs. Lorelai chuckles. She glances in Nicolas's room.

"Hey Nicky, Martha go home?" Lorelai asks. He nods.

"Yeah, but you knew that. I'm sure you've talked to Sookie," Nicolas responds. Lorelai shrugs innocently. "Yeah. Right…" He shakes his head and goes back to playing on his laptop. Lorelai smiles to herself as she drinks some of her water.

Then she walks back into the living room to relax in front of the TV. "Hey Mom?" Lucy calls.

"In here!" Lorelai calls back as she flips the TV on. Lucy walks into the doorway, her arm crossed over her chest, holding the picture in one hand. "No I won't write you a note out of gym. You're just going to have to hide in the showers like Rory did." Lucy snickers.

"Rory hid in the showers?" Lorelai glances up at Lucy grinning.

"See, that's why you keep me around. I know all your sister's deep dark secrets," Lorelai responds, her eyes glittering. She looks back at the TV.

"Mom?" Lucy says again.

"Hmmm?" Lorelai responds, folding her arms over her chest as she watches the TV intently. She drinks some of her water.

"Can I ask you something?" Lucy asks hesitantly. Lorelai nods.

"Sure, Luce. Anything," Lorelai answers, distractedly. She's still focused on the TV. Lucy glances over at the TV as she walks over to sit next to her mother.

"Martha gave me this today." Lucy holds the photo out to Lorelai, who tears her eyes away from the TV long enough to realize that Lucy's trying to give her something.

"I hope it's not a recipe for meth," Lorelai jokes. She takes the photo and looks at it, a fond smile forming on her lips. "Aw, I remember this."

"That's Martha's Christening, right?" Lorelai nods. "You look beautiful."

_Which goes better with the baby?_

_I like the green one._

_It's not too sheer? Cuz I'm going to be in a church._

_Looks good from here._

_Yeah, maybe._

Lorelai smiles to herself. "That dress went better with the baby," Lorelai says softly. Lucy looks confused. Lorelai glances over at Lucy and smiles. "In the morning, before the Christening, I couldn't choose a dress. So I asked…" Lorelai frowns, biting her lower lip. She looks back at the picture. "Anyways, I'm glad I didn't choose the green one." Lucy raises an eyebrow, but doesn't respond, letting Lorelai revel in the moment for a second.

"Mom?" Lucy says softly, trying to get Lorelai's attention again. Taking a deep breath, Lorelai looks over at her daughter.

"Oh, right, you wanted to ask me a question," Lorelai recalls frowning. Lucy nods.

"Yeah, it's just. Mom, you're wearing an engagement ring in the photo." Lorelai shakes her head, looking at Lucy as if she's crazy.

"No, I'm not," Lorelai insists, not even glancing back at the picture.

"But there's a ring, on your left ring finger," Lucy notes.

"It's not an engagement ring."

"Then what kind of a ring is it?" Lucy asks. Lorelai sighs, turning off the TV and getting off the couch.

"Nothing. No kind. It's not an engagement ring," Lorelai says coldly. Lucy seems frustrated with Lorelai's answers.

"Mom."

"No, Lucy. Stop it! I answered your question. Just let it go!" Lorelai says sharply. Lucy's eyes open wide at Lorelai's surprisingly harsh response. The phone rings. Lorelai breathes a sigh of relief.

"Mo-om," Lucy whines.

"Forget it, Lucy," Lorelai says quickly and walks over to answer the phone. "Hello? Yes, this is she. Yes, Lorelai Gilmore. Right. Who? She's what? Where? Okay, I'm on my way!" Lorelai throws the phone down. Lucy jumps up, knowing that something's wrong. "Nicolas!" Lorelai calls.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Lucy asks worried as Nicolas walks out of his room.

"It's your grandmother. She's in the hospital. Get your coats, let's go." Nicolas and Lucy go to get their coats as Lorelai grabs her cell phone off the couch. She presses her speed dial, closing her eyes as if praying.

"Please pick up," she whispers softly.


	15. So Strong That I Can't Get Through

**Chapter 15: So Strong That I Can't Get Through **

Once arriving at the hospital, Lorelai ran to the front desk, harassing them in a way that only Lorelai can do. She was told that Emily came in complaining of chest pain and was taken to the emergency room. The doctor had seen her, run a few tests and they were currently in the process of moving her to an upstairs room. After Lorelai demanded, quite loudly, that Emily be placed in a single room, Lucy and Nicolas dragged her off.

They took the elevators to the 3rd floor, which is where the nurse said Emily would end up. There they sit, in the chairs by the elevator, waiting for something, anything, someone to tell them what to do next. Nicolas has laid his head back and closed his eyes and both Lorelai and Lucy are sure he's asleep. Lucy is curled into Lorelai's shoulder with Lorelai's arm around her, both sitting silently.

Finally they see aides wheeling Emily towards them, a doctor is holding onto her hand. Lorelai and Lucy both stand. Somehow sensing this, Nicolas wakes up and stands as well. As Emily is wheeled by, she and Lorelai share a look. Lorelai looks down sadly. Nicolas and Lucy share a look.

"Guys, go talk to your grandmother, I'll be there in a minute," Lorelai tells them, touching Lucy's shoulder and motioning down the hall. Lucy walks away.

"You sure you'll be okay?" Nicolas asks. Lorelai nods. She rubs his arm lightly and then scratches her forehead.

"Go, Nicolas, go see your grandmother," Lorelai says. Nicolas nods and walks away. Lorelai turns back to face the doctor, folding her hands over her chest, willing herself not to feel, not to get emotional. "So, what's the deal?"

"Lorelai, you remember me, right?" Lorelai nods, biting her lower lip.

"Yeah. Yeah of course. Joshua. You're my parents's regular doctor. I remember."

"My older brother went to Yale with Richard. So I've known your mother for a long time. And what happened here is your mother's eighty-two years of life finally caught up with her," Joshua explains. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows, trying not to cry.

"So is she…?" Lorelai presses her lips together, unable to get the words out.

"Lorelai," he says, touching her arm gently. "She's going to be fine. She's awake and everything. She had a mild case of a dysrhythmia, it's when the heart doesn't function as it should. But she's fine. We did an EKG and everything checks out. We gave her an aspirin, in case there was a heart attack. We did an x-ray of her heart and everything's looking okay."

"Huh…" Lorelai looks away, letting the words sink in, letting out her breath slowly.

"I'm going to check her in for a few days, see if I can't find her a good cardiologist to take over the case. I'm going to want her to start seeing a cardiologist regularly. Did heart problems run in your family, Lorelai?" She purses her lips, staring at her feet.

"Well, my father died of a heart attack," Lorelai says softly.

"Yes, but I meant your mother's family. Your father can't have given her a heart condition," Joshua reminds her. Lorelai looks up at him, a small smile on her face.

"Then you don't know my dad," Lorelai jokes, then shakes her head. "Right. Ummm… hmmm…" She rubs her forehead, thinking. "My mom's younger sister died a few years ago from breast cancer. I can't remember anything about my grandparents, they died when I was young. So…" She shrugs.

"Okay, well I'm going to run a few tests. Make sure it wasn't a heart attack. I'm pretty sure it wasn't but it's always good to test." Lorelai nods. "And I'm going to want her to stay here and stay calm for the next few days, you think you can help out with that?" Lorelai smirks.

"I think my presence might decrease the chances of that happening, but that's why I had children," Lorelai jokes. Joshua looks unsure about whether or not she's joking. Lorelai rolls her eyes, looking away. She stops, staring down the hallway at Luke and Loren walking towards her.

"I'm going to go see if the lab's got the results already, tell your mother to not to stress," Joshua says. Lorelai doesn't respond, her eyes fixed on Luke. "Lorelai?" She glances over at him, startled.

"Oh, uh, yeah, okay," she stammers. Joshua nods and walks away. Lorelai looks back over at Luke and Loren who have finally reached her. "Luke…" she whispers as he quickly gathers her up in his arms. Lorelai wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder as she finally lets loose and cries softly.

"Hey…" Luke says softly, rubbing her back. He glances over at Loren, who doesn't seem surprised at all to find her father comforting Lorelai. "Can you go see if you can find a coffee machine somewhere around here?" Loren nods and walks away. "Lorelai?" He tries to loosen his grip.

"No, not yet," she murmurs, tightening her arms around him.

"It's okay, I've gotcha," Luke whispers, pausing his hand movements on her back and just holding her close.

_I heard everything's okay._

_Yeah, yeah. They're gonna keep him over night but – he's going to be fine._

_Hey. Okay, see here's where the guy is supposed to give his girl a handkerchief but I don't have one. And plus I find the practice a little revolting, so…_

_No, I'm okay._

_You sure?_

_Yeah._

After a moment, Lorelai pulls her face away from Luke's shoulder, still keeping her arms around him. Luke kisses her forehead. "No handkerchief?" she teases softly.

"Still haven't gotten around to getting me one of those," Luke replies with a soft smile. Lorelai nods. She tilts her head up and kisses him fully on the mouth. "So you want to tell me what happened?" Lorelai nods, her hands traveling down his arms to take his hands in hers, interlacing their fingers.

"Mom had a heart – thing – or something. I'm not clear on the details. But Joshua, her doctor, who probably should be dead by now himself, or at least, not treating patients, said she'll be fine. I swear I should test his own capacity, I mean, he is treating my mother. But Emily wants him so that's what happens. Because Emily's always gotten whatever she wants. Emily rules the world," Lorelai says, her short answer ending in a crazy rant. Luke lets go of one of her hands, gently rubbing her arm.

"Lorelai…" he says softly, reminding her of the topic at hand. Lorelai nods, taking a deep breath.

"Right. Okay, so she'll be fine. He's checking a few things. He's finding her a cardiologist. But – she'll be fine. At least, that's what he said," Lorelai crabs.

"Well that's good." Lorelai nods, quickly wiping under her nose, looking away, tears welling up in her eyes again. Luke tilts his head trying to get her to look into his eyes. "Then what's wrong?" Lorelai looks back at him and he stands back up. She sighs, biting her lower lip.

"It's just that – my mother. She's a strong person. The strongest person I've ever known. She could give Hulk Hogan a run for his money." Luke nods knowingly, a fond smile on his face. "But, tonight… I don't know… She's made of steel and granite and metal and any hard substance you could think of. Diamond. Diamonds are supposed to be hard, aren't they?" Luke nods.

_Oh, hi Mom, this is my friend, Luke,_

_How are you doing?_

_Fine, thank you._

_Well I'd better get these in the freezer before they melt._

_Well, not very likely in here._

"That's what I always heard," Luke responds. "Course, they're also known to be sparkly."

"Yeah, okay, so not a word to describe Emily Gilmore."

"I concur." Lorelai nods, wiping her nose again.

"But she is. She's all that. But tonight… she wasn't. She was vulnerable. Luke, my mother was weak. And from now on, that's what she'll always be."

"And that doesn't make you happy?" Luke kids. Lorelai smiles at his joke, but quickly gets serious.

"I mean, she's got an Achilles heel. Some thing that makes her weak." Lorelai shakes her head. "She's always been unbreakable to me, I couldn't crack that ice, that frozen exterior of hers. Only two times in my life have I ever shaken her."

"Two times?"

"Yup. The first, when I left home with Rory at seventeen, leaving her with only a note. And the other when I left Stars Hollow when… you know," Lorelai trails off, shrugging. Luke nods, clearing his throat.

"Yeah… yeah I know," Luke responds uncomfortably.

"But those are the only times I ever felt like I got through, that I could touch her."

"So you're her Achilles heel?" Luke asks. Lorelai smiles to herself.

"Yeah, I guess. Me and Rory and Nicolas and Lucy."

"Well I think everyone's got at least one," Luke figures. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.

"One? I've got a million, what does that say about me? I've got Rory and Nicolas and Lucy and you and Sookie and the Dragonfly and, God, now Loren and, you know, the town." Lorelai shakes her head, looking down. "I'm not my mother." Luke leans in kissing Lorelai's forehead.

"Well you have always been my Achilles heel," he tells her. Lorelai looks up at him lovingly.

"I love you," she says.

"I love you too," he answers. Lorelai smiles softly. "So she's going to be fine, is what you're saying?" Lorelai nods.

"Yeah… yeah I guess," Lorelai responds, looking away. Luke realizes she's starting to tear up again and wraps his arms around her, holding her close. Lorelai turns her face to his, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him softly on the mouth and then more intensely as she becomes more choked up, just needed to feel his love to keep from breaking down. A tear runs down her cheek as she pulls back. "Thank you for coming," she whispers, tilting her head up to kiss him once again. Then she lays her head on his shoulder and Luke looks up, and instantly sees Nicolas standing there, Lucy right behind him.

"Lorelai," Luke whispers in her ear.

"What?" she asks softly, glancing over. "Oh!" she exclaims jumping away from Luke, covering her mouth with her hand. Luke notices Loren standing on the other side of the hallway. Lorelai follows his gaze and sees Loren as well. She bites her lower lip, looking up at Luke. Then she glances over at her children and smiles nervously.

"Grandma wanted to talk to you," Lucy says. Lorelai nods.

"Okay…" She glances at Luke. "Well, I should…" Luke nods.

"Go," he says, touching her shoulder. "I'll take care of this."

"You sure?" Luke glances at all of the kids and nods.

"Yeah, I got this." Lorelai nods and walks away. Luke watches her for a moment, before he realizes the teens are just standing there waiting for him. "Oh, let's…" He motions towards the chairs. Lucy and Nicolas sit on one couch and Luke leads Loren, with a hand on her shoulder over to the chairs by them. "So," he begins, leaning over his knees, his fingers playing nervously.

"Are you two dating?" Lucy asks, plainly. Luke looks up at her, a little shocked at her forwardness, until he remembers whose daughter she is.

"Uh… yeah, you could say that," he manages.

"Really?" Lucy squeals, her eyes lit up. Luke looks at her warily.

"Yeah, Dad, really?" Loren adds, happy but a little calmer than Lucy. She lays her hand on Luke's arm making him look over at her. He seems stunned at the responses of both of the girls.

"Yes, uh, really," he responds and Loren's face instantly brightens with a grin. She throws her arms around her dad.

"Oh Dad, I'm so happy!" Lucy jumps out of her chair and hugs Luke as well.

"Me too!" Lucy cries.

"Well – I uh…" Luke stammers, stunned at the response.

"You were so right Luce!" Loren explains and the two share a look. Luke looks befuddled by all this. "Dad, we so totally knew that you two were perfect for each other." Luke sighs, looking down at his hands.

_Oh my God!_

_Sookie!_

_You kissed!_

_Yes._

_I can't believe she didn't tell me. Why didn't she tell me?_

_It just happened._

_Oh Luke, that's wonderful!_

_Thanks._

_I can't wait to tell Lorelai that's wonderful._

"Well you weren't the only ones," Luke mutters under his breath. He watches as the two girls, excited beyond belief, being chatter to each other, Lucy taking Loren's hand and dragging her to chairs a little away from them. Luke looks over at Nicolas. "You okay with this, Nick?" Luke asks. Nicolas nods.

"Yeah. I told you before. You make her happier than I've ever seen her. I should have seen this coming," Nicolas responds just as Lorelai walks back into the room. She folds her hands in front of her as she walks over to stand by the couch Nicolas is sitting on. There's a nervous look on her face as she glances at all the people in the waiting room.

"So…?" Lorelai probes, looking over at Luke.

"They took it well," he responds and then motions to the girls. "They took it very well." Lorelai smiles, seeing the girls so happy. She looks down at Nicolas, setting a hand on his shoulder. Nicolas pats his mother's hand.

"As long as you're happy Mom," Nicolas tells her. She smiles softly and looks over at Luke, looking deep in his eyes that always captured her and made her heart flutter. She nods. Luke motions with his head for her to come over to him and she does, settling herself in his lap, letting Luke wrap his arms around her.

"Hey Mom," Lucy says.

"Yeah hun?" Lorelai responds, her mind still a little foggy from the renewed experience of sitting in Luke's lap.

"Is Grandma still awake? I mean, can I still go talk to her?" Lucy asks.

"Yeah, hun. She's on the phone with Rory, but I'm sure she'd love you to visit again." Lucy nods. She stands and starts to walk away, but pauses and glances back for a moment, watching her mom and Luke. Her lips curl into a small smile and she walks back into Emily's room.

"Hey Grandma," Lucy says as she walks in the room. Emily is at that moment hanging up the phone.

"Well, Lucy," Emily says pleased, a smile on her face. She folds her hands in her lap. "It's not often I get two visits from my granddaughter in one day. I must be dying." Lucy rolls her eyes.

"You are not dying Grandma." Lucy pulls up a chair next to the bed. "I was actually wondering if I could ask you a few questions about Mom."

"Well I'm probably not the one to ask. After 53 years, you'd think I'd know your mother a little better than I do," Emily snaps. Lucy cocks her head knowingly.

"Come on, Grandma." Emily shakes her head, looking down at her lap. "Well can I ask you anyways? Mom wouldn't really answer." Emily motions for her to go on. "Martha Belleville, Sookie and Jackson's daughter, she gave me this photo." Lucy takes the picture out of her back pocket and hands it to Emily.

"What is this?" Emily wonders. Lucy hands Emily her glasses so that Emily can get a better look at this picture.

"It's from Martha and Davey's Christening," Lucy tells her. Emily flips over the photo and looks at the date written on the back. She flips it back over to look at the picture again. "It was during Rory and Mom's fight, wasn't it?" Emily nods.

"Yes, it was," Emily says distantly. She frowns staring at it. "It never should have happened." She presses her lips together shaking her head. Then she looks over at Lucy. "What did you want to ask me about?"

"Well if you look there," Lucy says pointing. "Mom's wearing a ring, like an engagement ring. Was it an engagement ring?" Emily brings the picture closer to her eyes and nods.

"Yes, it's an engagement ring," Emily confirms.

"But not to Max."

"That teacher?" Emily asks in surprise. "No, not to him. This was years after that. This was when she was engaged to Luke." Lucy's mouth drops open in shock. She glances back at the door as if looking back at Lorelai and Luke.

"Mom was engaged to Luke? Luke Danes?" Lucy asks stunned. Emily observes Lucy's reaction.

"I'm assuming your mother never told you about that," Emily concludes. Lucy shakes her head, still staring at the door. "Well Lorelai was never one to let anyone in."

_Come on Mom, it's all about timing, you know that. What are you-_

_Well, it seems congratulations are in order._

_Well that wasn't exactly congratulations, but sure. Close enough._

Emily looks down at her hands almost sadly, staring at Lorelai in the photo. Lucy looks back at Emily, still in shock. "She was engaged to Luke," Lucy repeats, still trying to get this through her mind. "How long?" Emily glances over at Lucy, realizing that she's waiting for her to answer.

"How long were they together or how long were they engaged?"

"Engaged. Together. Both I guess."

"They were engaged for a year, I believe. I'm not exactly sure when they got together. All I know is I called the inn to talk to Lorelai and that strange man, Kirk, told me they were together. No, that's not it, he told me that she was over at her boyfriend, Luke Danes's house. As if that's how a mother is supposed to find out who her daughter is dating," Emily says grumpily.

_You have a gentleman friend of significance._

_Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes._

_So it's only proper that you introduce him to your mother. Unless he's insignificant, I don't want to meet a passing ship. That's a waste of my time. Is Luke a passing ship? Is he insignificant?_

_No, he's not._

"When was this?" Lucy asks. Emily frowns trying to remember.

"In the fall of 2004, I believe. When Richard and I were going through that separation." Emily pauses, a tear in her eye after the mention of her husband. Lucy touches Emily's arm.

"And they were together for a long time?"

"Yes. I suppose. You know, Lorelai always liked hopping from man to man. It was how she lived her life. But something about this one was different. It wasn't just another man to keep her from being alone," Emily comments. Lucy smiles to herself, remembering the expression on Lorelai's face when she was sitting on Luke's lap. "And sometime in 2005, while Rory and Lorelai were fighting, they got engaged."

"But they didn't get married?" Lucy wonders. Emily shakes her head.

_It's not going to happen._

_What? Well of course it will. If we pay more attention to the asking price, your father and I are totally prepared…_

_Luke and I… the wedding… it's not going to happen._

_What?_

"No, they didn't get married," Emily says softly, almost sadly.

"When did they break it off?"

"Sometime in May of 2006." Lucy frowns, calculating in her head for a moment.

"So they were together for almost two years," Lucy recognizes. Emily nods.

"Yes, something like that," Emily agrees.

"Do you know why they didn't marry?" Emily shakes her head.

"No, Lorelai and I never had that kind of relationship in which the daughter tells the mother the whys and hows. All I know is that they were happy and getting married and then a few months before their planned wedding, Lorelai told me that she didn't think it was going to work out."

"But why? Didn't she love him? Didn't she want to marry him?" Lucy asks.

"Oh dear, I think she did want to marry him. I know she wanted to marry him," Emily says distantly, still remembering Lorelai holding that wedding dress up to herself in the mirror.

_It's a wonderful thing to have a husband, a partner, somebody who's always there. Oh Lorelai, don't you think you'll ever want to be married?_

_Well, um… actually I do._

"She did want to marry him," Emily repeats. She remembers the smile on Lorelai's face when she said this just as well as she remembers the tears in Lorelai's eyes when she said it wasn't going to happen.

"But you don't know why?" Lucy asks again. Emily shakes her head, frowning.

"No. For that you'd have to ask Rory, I'm sure she knows," Emily replies coldly.

"But she loved him?" Emily closes her eyes, seeing her daughter's face.

"Yes, I believe so, but I'm probably not the best one to ask."

"I wonder if she still loves him," Lucy says, glancing back at the door and then back at Emily. "Did she tell you they're back together?" Emily's mouth drops open as she looks at her granddaughter in a mix of horror and surprise. "I'm guessing that's a no." Emily takes a deep breath looking back at the picture again.

"No," Emily says softly and frowns. "Lucy, dear, I think I need some rest. Please tell your mother to bring by the things I asked for tomorrow." She hands Lucy the photo.

"Okay," Lucy agrees, noticing the icy expression on Emily's face. She kisses Emily's cheek and walks out of the room. Taking out her cell phone, she dials Rory's number, which Rory picks up after barely a ring.

"Luce? Is something wrong with Gramma?" Rory asks worried.

"No, no. It's not Grandma," Lucy assures her.

"I mean I just talked to her. She said everything was all right." Lucy nods.

"Yeah, Ror, it is. I actually had a question for you about Mom."

"Shoot."

"Was Mom engaged to Luke?" Lucy asks. There's a pause on the line as Rory considers how to respond. "I mean I found this picture. And she's wearing an engagement ring…"

"Mom never told you about that?" Rory asks carefully.

"No. Grandma did when I asked her. She told me they were together for two years and they got engaged and then they broke up. But she didn't know why and I was just wondering if you knew anything more about it. I mean, I'm sure you do, considering you were around then and Mom always tells you everything," Lucy figures.

"Luce, I wish I could answer your questions but I just can't. I shouldn't. Ask Mom if you want to know, but I can't be the one to tell you. If she wants you to know, she'll tell you. If not, then just let it go," Rory responds. Lucy scoffs.

"But Rory! They're back together!" Lucy exclaims.

"They are?" Lucy can almost hear Rory smile over the phone. "That's great, Luce. It really is. But I still can't tell you anything. I'm sorry, Luce." Lucy frowns.

"Okay. Fine." Lucy hangs up the phone and shoves it back in her purse angrily. She sighs and walks back into the waiting room. Luke and Lorelai have now moved to the couch. She's got her legs draped over his and his arm is around her shoulders. And from where she's standing, Lucy has the perfect angle to see her mother's face. She can see Lorelai's smile as well as she can see the sparkle of her eyes. She watches as Luke teases her mother and then leans in and gives her a soft peck on the lips, as if there's no one else but them in the entire world.


	16. Is There No Chance To Start Once Again?

**Chapter 16: Is There No Chance To Start Once Again? **

A few days later, Emily has gone home from the hospital. Lorelai had offered to adjust things and let Emily recuperate in the Crap Shack but Emily refused and then crabbed when Lorelai said she didn't have time do drive out to Hartford every day and take care of her. So instead Emily had hired a nurse and then another and then another because none of them were good enough. In the end, Lorelai knew that Emily just wanted her to give in and change her mind but she was needed at the Dragonfly and with the kids and she wanted to spend time with Luke so she told her mother to suck it up or move into the Crap Shack for a time. That is how things were left when Lorelai hung up the phone before heading out the door with her kids to meet up with Luke and Loren to go to the movies.

"So you sure you guys are okay with this?" Lorelai asks, for what must be the eighteenth time since Luke told Nicolas and Lucy about them dating, as they head towards the diner. Nicolas rolls his eyes and Lucy just grins.

"I think it's great Mom. I really do. You know Loren and I were already planning on hooking you guys up," Lucy tells her. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.

"You were?"

"Yeah."

"Was I going to be informed of this little plot on my love life?" Lorelai wonders. Lucy grins.

"Depends on if I figured out what your reaction would be. Would you have realized that you've been flirting with Luke for months?" Lucy teases. Lorelai scoffs.

"I have not been flirting!" she exclaims and glances over at Nicolas. "Have I?" Nicolas shrugs in responds.

"You know, this is a very uncomfortable area for me…" Nicolas mutters, a look of distaste on his face. Lorelai rolls her eyes.

"Yes, Nicolas, believe it or not, people my age date. We are not just entities on earth to serve every whim of their children."

"Damn, and I thought I was special," Nicolas jokes. Lorelai smacks his arm.

"Hey, don't let Luke hear you say that," Lorelai tells him.

"What? Damn?" Lorelai nods.

"He thinks all children are sweet and innocent and have never heard those words much less uttered them to their parents," Lorelai explains.

_Rory called._

_I know! She called and yelled at me._

_No, she called and yelled at me!_

_Yeah, but I'm the one who had to hear it, and she was loud! And she said 'hell'. I never heard her say 'hell'. I didn't even know she knew how to say 'hell'. She was mad and she yelled and she said 'hell'._

_Yeah, but she called._

"Well then he's clearly never raised a son," Nicolas mutters. Lorelai puts her arm around Nicolas's shoulders, smirking at him.

"You know, daughters can swear too," she reminds him as they walk up to the diner. Lucy opens the door and walks in but Lorelai grabs Nicolas's arm before he can follow his sister. "Really, Nick, I mean it, if you have any qualms at all…" Nicolas raises an eyebrow but doesn't respond. "What? Tell me."

"You called me Nick," he notes. Lorelai frowns, trying to remember.

"I did?"

"Yeah, you did." Lorelai shrugs.

"So?"

"I don't think in my entire fifteen years of life that you have ever called me Nick. Nicolas. Nicky. Devil child. But never Nick."

"Oh well, change is a part of life, Nicky," Lorelai replies lightly.

"Yeah but no one, in my entire life, has ever called me Nick, except Luke," Nicolas confides. Lorelai glances in the diner, watching Luke try to keep up with Loren and Lucy's yammering and then looks back at her son.

"You can just tell him you don't like it, you know."

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm fine with it. It's just…" Nicolas sighs. "Forget it, let's go in." Lorelai folds her arms over her chest, not really ready to let this go.

"Lorelai," Luke says, opening the door of the diner. "Please save me from the teenage dramaqueens." Lorelai laughs at Luke's odd request, but Luke's expression is serious.

"Well come on, the movie starts soon anyways," Lorelai says. Luke nods and looks back inside.

"Loren! Lucy! You can discuss whether Joanie loves Chochie on our way to the theater," Luke shouts. Loren and Lucy both look a little puzzled at Luke's reference. Luke sighs. "And grab the bags of food." He shakes his head at Lorelai and walks outside and over to Lorelai. Touching her elbow, he leans in and kisses her. "Hello there." She grins.

"Hello. Being a parent of a teenage girl is working well for you by the way," she teases him. Luke rolls his eyes as Lucy and Loren finally walk out the door, carrying the bags of food and talking nonstop.

"The way they act, you'd think they were both related to you," Luke grumbles. Lorelai rubs his arm as they all begin to talk towards the bookstore.

"Aw Hun, that's how all teenage girls act. I just act like I'm a teenage girl," Lorelai informs him. Luke raises an eyebrow, amused.

"Oh is that it?" Luke kids, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her to him as they walk. "Hey Nick, how's it going?" Luke waves a quick hand. Lorelai and Nicolas share a look, which confuses Luke. "Did I miss something?" Nicolas shakes his head quickly.

"No, nothing, Luke," Nicolas responds quickly, looking down to hide his embarrassment and at the same time hoping his mother doesn't say anything. But Lorelai just smiles at Luke, her eyes glittering, and Luke forgets his questions entirely.

"Here it is, the Black, White and Read movie theater, also known as BWR," Lorelai says brightly, waving a hand in the direction of the bookstore. Sookie, Jackson and Martha are waiting for them outside. Just as Lorelai opens her mouth to say something, Nicolas clamps a hand over her mouth.

"Whatever you're about to say Mom, I'm pretty sure I'd rather not hear it," Nicolas warns her. He gives her a pointed look and then takes his hand off of her mouth. Lorelai pouts as Luke chuckles, rubbing her arm. Nicolas rolls his eyes. "We'd better get inside before E! can follow us." He grabs Martha's hand and pulls her with him into the bookstore. Lorelai and Sookie share a smirk.

"You know, I never realized how much fun I could have when he started dating," Lorelai jokes.

"I'm sure he appreciates the fact that you two want them to date just so you can tease them about it," Luke says. Lorelai shakes her head at him.

"You wait until Loren starts dating and then we'll see how you react. No, scratch that, she'd better never tell you. You'll probably build a dungeon in your basement just to keep her from dating," Lorelai figures.

"Already working on that one," Luke responds, half seriously. Lorelai rolls her eyes. Luke opens the door, letting Jackson, Sookie and Lorelai walk in ahead of them. Lucy and Loren walk inside and clamor for seats on Big Red. Luke and Lorelai share a smile. Jackson and Sookie take seats in the middle, just behind Nicolas and Martha. Lorelai's about to walk up and sit next to them, when Luke grabs her hand and pulls her to the couch in the back.

"Oh hey Luke, I think my days of making out the back of the theater have long since passed," Lorelai remarks. Luke just shakes his head and smiles as they sit down, Luke wrapping an arm around Lorelai's shoulders.

"That doesn't mean I don't get to be alone with my woman during the show," Luke says. Lorelai just grins, laying her head on his shoulder. They watch the others for a moment, taking it all in.

"I missed this," Lorelai says quietly, snuggling into Luke. He just rubs her arm, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to tell her that he missed it from the moment they broke up.

"All right, welcome everyone to tonight's movie," Kirk says walking to the front of the room.

"Kirk still does this? Doesn't he have a wife and child at home to be with?" Lorelai wonders. Luke shrugs.

"Some habits die hard I guess," Luke figures.

"Tonight our feature is Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid starring Humphrey Bogart and Ava Gardner," Kirk announces. Luke squeezes Lorelai's shoulder.

_You can't take it back now. You've exposed yourself, you've been pining for me._

_I have not been pining._

_I'm your Ava Gardner._

_God help me._

"Good choice," Lorelai whispers softly.

* * *

Lucy and Loren are sitting on the steps of Lucy's front porch. Lucy has a to-go cup of coffee clutched in her hands. "You sure you want to do this, Luce?" Loren wonders, grimacing at her friend. 

"You don't?" Lucy questions. Loren shrugs.

"I dunno. I just… I mean your sister said that if they wanted us to know, they'd tell us. I mean it just makes sense," Loren figures.

"So you're changing your mind," Lucy realizes.

"Yes. No. I…. I don't know."

"Well, do you want to know?" Lucy asks.

"Do I want to know," Loren repeats, concentrating on the words. "Do I want to know what Stars Hollow was like fifteen years ago? Do I want to know the hows and whys of the relationship between my dad and your mom? Do I want to know why they broke up and ended up with my mom and your dad, respectively? Do I want to know why we came to be?" Loren shrugs. "I do and I don't." She frowns. "Is that possible?"

"I guess. I just… I have to know. Come on Loren, I can't do this alone! You and I, that's why we're friends. To find this out. To make things right!" Lucy exclaims, as she jumps up. Loren just raises an eyebrow in response.

"You think that the fates deemed our parents's relationship that important that we were put here just to bring them back together?" Loren wonders. Lucy groans, stomping into the middle of her lawn. She stops, looking back at Loren and drinking some of her coffee.

"No. That's not what I meant, Lorie. I meant that deep down, I wonder if my mom had me and pretended that I was the daughter of your father. I meant that I wonder if your dad raised you imagining that my mom was your mother," Lucy says. Loren looks perplexed.

"So you're saying…"

"I have to know, Lorie. I have to know. I have to know why my name is Lucy and your name is Loren. I have to know," Lucy states with a finality in her voice. Loren stares at her a moment, for the first time realizing the extreme significance and coincidence of their names. She bites her lower lip as she stands.

"You think that our parents don't wish they never had us, they just wish they had had us together," Loren realizes. Lucy folds her arms over her chest, nodding. "And Nicolas?" Lucy shrugs, pursing her lips, glancing over at the chuppah.

"I don't know. I haven't figured this whole thing out yet. But there's something important about him. There's something important about that," Lucy insists, flinging a hand towards the chuppah. "There's something important about our names. There's so many things that we don't even know. It's like we discovered our parents were really Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Lorie." Loren nods. She glances over at the chuppah, her eyes narrowing as if pondering her next move.

"Okay," Loren responds. Lucy nods. Loren walks over to Lucy, threading her arm through Lucy's. They walk together over to Babette's front door and Lucy knocks. As they hear footsteps, Lucy glances over at Loren.

"You ready?" Lucy asks. Loren nods just as Babette opens the door.

"Hello girls," Babette welcomes them, a little surprised to find the two on her front porch.

"Hi Babette, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about my mom."

* * *

As their daughters head over to Babette's, Luke and Lorelai are on their first date alone since getting back together. Luke opens to the door to Sniffy's for Lorelai, laying a hand on the small of her back as he follows her into the restaurant. "Our table's not reserved," Lorelai notices, glancing back at Luke with an unsure look on her face. 

"It was a last minute decision to go here, Lorelai. Don't worry, that's still our table," he assures her. Lorelai pauses, still seeming uncertain.

"Are you sure? I mean, are you sure you want to be here?"

"Are you sure you want to be here? Are you questioning us already Lorelai?" Luke asks. Lorelai takes a deep breath, staring into his eyes, finding a calming sense in his eyes. She realizes that at any point in their relationship fifteen years ago, all she needed to do was gaze into his eyes to feel a sense of solace, there's so much understanding, warmth and love hidden deep in there.

"Okay," she says breathlessly. Luke nods to her, putting his hand back on the small of her back, letting her lead him over to their usual table. She scoots in on her side, glancing around the restaurant, as Luke scoots in on his side of the table. "God, Luke, how is it that it seems like only yesterday I was reading the story on the back of this menu that lasted longer than Rip Van Winkle's sleep?" Lorelai wonders, flopping the menu back and forth in her hand. Luke takes the menu out of her hand and then grasps her hand in his.

"It shouldn't have been this long," Luke tells her. Lorelai presses her lips together, her eyes misty, as she struggles for a second to respond. Luke just squeezes her hand as Maisy walks over with a young guy next to her.

"Hey there Lucas, it's been awhile. You've gone back to being an infrequent guest again," Maisy says warningly. Luke sighs, standing and hugging Maisy.

"Sorry, bout that. But I'm here now, that should be enough," Luke responds.

"And I'm guessing that this is the reason why you've decided to show your face here again?" Maisy guesses, looking blatantly at Lorelai. Luke sighs, his hands going to his hips, as he feels bad for Lorelai at this moment.

"Hello again Maisy," Lorelai says sweetly, giving Maisy a tight-lipped smile.

"Hello again Lorelai. You know I warned you about Lucas," Maisy says, not in the loving tones she had used before, causing Lorelai to sit back in her seat.

_Lorelai, nice to meet you and, uh, he's a special one, this guy._

_That's the word on the street._

Luke and Lorelai share a look. "Maisy, that was my fault," Luke mutters, rubbing his forehead. Maisy purses her lips, glancing from Lorelai to Luke and back.

"Sit down Lucas," Maisy finally says, seeming to relent a bit. "Your favorite still the same Lorelai? Tastes don't change do they?" Lorelai smiles, a true smile this time.

"Nope, tastes don't change, just the seasons," Lorelai answers. Maisy nods, the cold look on her face disappearing.

"Oh Lorelai, this is my nephew Jed. He's taken over since we lost Buddy," Maisy says, motioning to the guy next to her.

"Oh, sorry to hear about that Maisy. Buddy was a special guy. As wonderful as Dutch himself," Lorelai says sympathetically, remembering Buddy's hero. Maisy smiles softly.

"Thank you, Lorelai. That means a lot." She looks over at Luke.

"Janie will be over with champagne in a moment, please don't spit it back in the glass this time, Lucas," Maisy warns and walks away with Jed trailing after her. Lorelai smiles to herself and glances at Luke. She raises an eyebrow. Luke nods and sits.

"Went better than I thought," Lorelai figures. Luke takes her hand between his.

"Lorelai, you have nothing to be ashamed about," Luke assures her. Lorelai shrugs, looking away. "Look at me Lorelai." She does. "It's all in the past. We're starting over. We're starting fresh. There's no turning back this time, that's what we agreed." Lorelai nods.

"Signed on the figurative dotted line," Lorelai agrees, waving a finger in the air, as the waitress walks over with champagne, pouring each a glass.

"And remember, I have the horoscope to prove it," Luke reminds her. Lorelai grins. He hands her a glass and takes the other in his hand. They gaze at each for a moment, still remembering their first toast.

_Hey, here's to you._

_I'll drink to that._

_Yep, I definitely hate champagne._

_This is nice._

_Good._

"What should we drink to this time?" Lorelai finally asks.

"To starting fresh," Luke answers. Lorelai nods.

"I'll drink to that," Lorelai agrees, clinking her glass against his and taking a sip. Then she giggles, watching Luke grimace as he swallows his champagne.

* * *

Babette has seated both Lucy and Loren on her couch with hot chocolate in their hands. She's pulled up a chair by them, ready for whatever is to come. "Well it's not everyday I get to entertain two lovely girls such as yourselves," Babette says happily. Lucy and Loren share a look. 

"Well, Babette, we actually have a reason for coming," Lucy says. Babette nods, setting down her tea.

"I had guessed as much. No one goes to see their senile neighbor without some secret reason. I'm just glad you're coming right out with it before I have to drag it out of ya, and let me tell ya, I have my ways, oh hoo, I can do a number," Babette replies. Loren giggles.

"We came to ask you about my mom," Lucy explains.

"Your mother?" Lucy nods.

"And my dad," Loren adds. Babette nods, knowingly.

"I can tell you what I know girls, but what specifically do you want to know? What do you know already?" Babette asks. Lucy and Loren share a look. Lucy shrugs.

"Basically nothing. I mean, Martha Belleville gave me this picture of Mom at her Christening and I noticed that Mom was wearing an engagement ring. After asking around a bit, I found out she had been engaged to Luke," Lucy explains, motioning with her head towards Loren when she said 'Luke'. "I know they were together about two years, they were engaged for one of them. I know they got engaged during Mom and Rory's fight." Lucy pauses again, pressing her lips together. She glances over at Loren, to see if Loren can remember any more. Loren shakes her head, looking down at her lap, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation. Lucy shrugs, looking back at Babette. "My grandmother said that her relationship with Luke was different than any of the others. She said Mom did want to marry him." Babette nods. "They were friends first?" Babette nods again.

"For years, dear, almost a decade. They were like an old married couple who didn't realize they were in love. You would go into the diner at any time of the day and expect to find Lorelai at that counter, flirting with him, or Luke standing by her table, completely enraptured in whatever crazy story she was telling. It was adorable. Like watching a real fairy tale develop right before your eyes. At a maddingly slow pace, of course." Lucy grins.

"But then they got together?" Lucy asks, her eyes sparkling as she imagines Lorelai and Luke years ago, so completely and so unknowingly taken with each other.

"Yeah. At the opening of the Dragonfly, Lorelai's inn. Oh, what am I saying, you know what inn I'm talking about. But the night of the test run, they got together. I mean that they kissed, nothing dirty or nasty in that." Loren wrinkles her nose, really not wanting to be lead down that road. "It was just a few kisses from what I've been told, mostly because Kirk ran around naked." Lucy laughs.

"Kirk did what?" Lucy wonders. Loren shakes her head, rolling her eyes in a very Luke-like way.

"Why does that not surprise me," Loren mutters.

"So they dated for two years?" Lucy asks. Babette nods.

"Yeah. Two years abouts. They broke up for a few weeks around her parents' vow renewal, no one knew why or much of anything except that the ribbons were put out and then disappeared as mysteriously as they showed up," Babette says.

"Ribbons?" Lucy repeats.

"Do you really want to know?" Loren murmurs. Lucy shrugs.

"Then Lorelai proposed the night Rory moved out," Babette tells them. Lucy's eyes go wide with surprise.

"My mom proposed?"

"Lorelai proposed to my dad?" Loren asks as the same time.

"Yeah, Luke was a real wuss I guess," Babette figures. Lucy giggles as Loren looks kind of disgusted with that idea. "But they were so cute together. So happy. So excited to get married. Luke was moving in next door. It was like the happily ever after was really going to happen in their fairy tale."

"But what happened?" Loren asks, finally getting into the whole story.

"They broke up," Lucy inserts. Babette nods.

"Yeah, I know that. But if they were so happy, how did that happen?" Loren questions.

"No one really knew. A few said she gave him a choice: her or April. A few said he realized he could never commit. There was each a rumor that she cheated on him with Rory's dad, but I couldn't believe that. I couldn't believe any of them. None of them sounded right," Babette responds. Loren and Lucy share a look.

"But Mom was happy with him before that?" Lucy asks. Babette nods.

"She really loved him," Babette says. Lucy smiles softly.

"Did he love her?" Loren asks.

"Oh yes, from the moment he laid eyes on her. Everyone knew it. He'd get all mushy and googly-eyed the moment she walked in the door of his diner," Babette tells Loren.

"So she left," Lucy notes sadly.

"Well, not right away. First they broke off the engagement and for a few days they fought again and again. So loud I had to shut my windows in the middle of a heat wave. It was like they were fighting to stay together more than fighting against each other," Babette says. Lucy and Loren share a look. "And then one day after their biggest fight, I found a note on my door telling me that Lorelai had left, she didn't know when she would return and to watch poor Paul Anka."

"That's so sad," Loren says softly. Lucy squeezes her friend's hand.

"It really is sad," Lucy agrees.

* * *

Luke and Lorelai walk into his town house holding hands. Lorelai has a take home box in her other hand. "I don't see why you needed to get that," Luke grumbles, unlocking his door and opening the door for Lorelai. 

"The cheesecake? I like to have something sweet to have after dinner," Lorelai explains innocently.

"I know that. But you know I could just have easily made you some cheesecake without having to spend money of Maisy's really bad cheesecake. You could eat mine instead, Lorelai," Luke responds. Lorelai grins. "Dirty?" She nods.

"Oh, how well you know me," Lorelai teases. "But I do love your cheesecake," she adds seriously.

_Wow! My own cheesecake, no man's ever given me a whole cheesecake before._

_You remember that._

_Mm-hmm. Hey maybe when I get home, I'll stir something seeing as I'm so good at it. Thanks for dinner._

_Thank you for not being related to me. That came out wrong._

_No I got it. Goodnight._

_Night._

"And you also love not being related to me," Luke adds, thinking along the same lines. Lorelai turns and gives him a long slow kiss and then winks.

"Again, reading my mind, Doll," she says. She walks over to the kitchen table setting the box down on it.

"So, the girls are corralled at your house the whole night?" Luke checks. Lorelai nods. Luke gets out two forks and sits down at the table next to her.

"Why Luke, are you insinuating something?" Lorelai teases.

"I… uh… I…" Luke stammers. Lorelai laughs, rubbing his hand.

"Yes, the girls are having a sleepover at my house. Nicolas should be home by now to make sure they don't get into too much trouble." She gets her cell phone out of her purse and presses the keys for her number.

"Yeah?" Nicolas answers.

"Hey Nicky, everything okay there?" Lorelai asks.

"Yup, Lucy and Loren are up in her room, I think. They were here when I got home but I've been in my room with the music on so I don't really know. You want me to check?" Nicolas asks.

"Nope. Gotta trust them sometime," Lorelai figures. Luke's eyes go wide, as he doesn't look like he agrees. Lorelai just brushes a hand over his arm.

"Yup."

"Okay, Nicky, be good," Lorelai says and hangs up.

"You didn't make him put the girls on the phone?" Luke asks. Lorelai gives him a look.

"Hey, Luke, one day you're going to have to realize that Loren needs her space before she pulls a Lizzie Borden," Lorelai insists. Luke grimaces. Lorelai picks up a fork and takes a bite of the cheesecake. "This is ab fab, I don't care what you say about Maisy's cheesecake, it's totally better than yours!"

"Hey, traitor!"

"Try it!" Lorelai exclaims. Luke shakes his head, throwing his fork on the table.

"Absolutely not!"

"Lu-uke!" Lorelai whines.

"You said my cheesecake was bad."

"I did not, I said this was better."

"Same thing," Luke insists.

"No it's not. Try it," Lorelai begs. Luke shakes his head.

"No." Lorelai puts some on a fork and moves to towards his mouth. "No." He shakes his head.

"Come on Luke," Lorelai pleads.

"No."

"I wore my come and get it dress," Lorelai says teasingly. Luke shakes his head. With one hand, she takes off her coat, revealing again the dress that she had picked out specifically for the date. "I wore my heels." Luke shakes his head. "I fed you peppermint after peppermint without you noticing so that I could do some thanking."

_Hey, I heard there was good food at this party._

_I heard that too._

_Huh, never made it to the food, did we?_

_I had three peppermints I took from a bowl in the men's room, gave the attendant a five, cuz that's all I had._

_Made it to the bar though._

_Yeah. We should've eaten something before we went._

_Who knew we'd keep missing the trays?_

_But I'm not hungry. But I'm something, what am I?_

_You're drunk._

_Right. I haven't been drink in years._

_Hey, have I thanked you for escorting me and being such a good sport and shaking hands with all the big city folk you don't like and putting extra cherries in my Manhattan?_

_Yeah, you did._

_There'll be more thanking later on tonight. Tastes like peppermint._

As he remembers this, Luke's eyes go lax and his mouth drops open and Lorelai shoves the cheesecake in, throwing her hands up in victory, the fork falling back to the table. She cups the back of his head, kissing him deeply. He grasps her knee, giving into the kiss fully, opening his mouth to her.

"Cheesecake," she purrs as she pulls back. Then she kisses him again quickly and stands. Luke stares up at her, a little nervous.

"Lorelai…" he says softly. She grins, her eyes glittering, still remembering how much she loves the sound of her name on his tongue. He was the only one who could say her name in just that way, with just that tone that makes her feel completely naked when she's fully clothed and completely desirable even in sweats in the grungy days of winter. When Christopher said her name, 'Lor', it had always made her queasy. When her mother said her name in that proper-like pronunciation, it made her tense. But Luke's version of her name was all his own, it always had been, it was like he knew her so well, so deeply as to know her name was the ticket to her soul.

"Luke," she responds seriously, holding out her hands to him. He takes her hands, standing to face her, just inches between them. "We've made it this far." Luke nods. He lets go of one of her hand to let one of his hand play with the ends of her hair.

"I love you," he says softly, in his gruff but sexy voice that Lorelai always loved. She leans him and gives him a peck on the lips.

"I never doubted it for a moment," she responds and then leads him up the stairs.

* * *

Lucy is in her room at Lorelai's house when her cell rings. "Did you find it?" Loren asks, sitting on the floor by the closet in the apartment over the diner, a large box in front of her. Lucy nods, staring at the large box in front of her. 

"Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure this is it," Lucy responds, reaching in and pulling out a blue flannel. "What other guy that Mom dated would wear a blue plaid shirt that she would keep?" Loren giggles over the phone.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Loren says. Lucy shrugs as she pokes around inside the box. "I mean, Luce, they didn't want us to know."

"And why not? Everyone else knows. Rory knows. Gramma knows. Babette knows. This whole freakin' town knows. We're their own daughters, their flesh and blood, the apples of their eyes but we can't know. Well I won't take that," Lucy insists. "Now tell me what you're finding," Luke demands, stubbornly. Loren frowns and sifts through her box.

"Ummm… okay I have a bottle of Jessica Simpson body lotion," Loren says.

"Ew, Mom wore that? Wait, does it smell good?" Loren opens the bottle and sniffs and shrugs.

"Not bad."

"Why do I have a thigh master?" Lucy wonders. Loren wrinkles her nose.

"I don't want to know," Loren responds. Lucy nods, putting the thigh master down. "I have a pressed rose. My dad kept a pressed rose. My dad? What the heck did your mom do to him?" Lucy giggles.

"According to Babette, he was a wuss," Lucy teases. Loren rolls her eyes. "Wow, sweet shoes!" Lucy exclaims pulling out some cute silver shoes. "Damn, heel's broken."

"She kept broken shoes?" Loren asks with distaste. "Why do I get the feeling that I never want to be in love?"

"Love hurts, so says Nazareth," Lucy notes. Loren nods, throwing her hand into the box and pulling out a small box.

"Oh Luce," Loren breathes over the phone, as she opens the box.

"What?"

"It's beautiful." Loren reaches to touch the ring, but doesn't actually, as if it would burn her finger.

"What!" Lucy repeats.

"The engagement ring. It's even more… gorgeous… amazing… whatever… up close." Lucy smiles to herself. "Omigod, Luce. You totally have to see this." Lucy extracts a piece of paper from her box and stares at it.

"No, Lorie, you have to see this," Lucy responds.

"What?"

"It's a piece of paper, from a doctor's office. It says – it reads – it says that Lorelai Gilmore tested positive for a pregnancy test," Lucy says.

"She had Rory," Loren notes.

"No. She tested positive on May 11th, 2006. She tested positive the day before she left Stars Hollow."

"Lucy?"

"And she was three month pregnant it says. She was due at the beginning of November."

"So?"

"Lorie, my brother was born at the beginning of October. He was early. He was about a month early. He was due at the beginning of November," Lucy explains in disbelief.

"You mean Nicolas?" Loren questions.

"Yeah. My brother. Nicolas." Loren stares down at the ring, letting Lucy's words sink in.

"Luce, you mean our brother. You mean our brother Nicolas."


	17. Yes, I've Hurt Your Pride

**Chapter 17: Yes, I've Hurt Your Pride**

The next morning, Lorelai wakes up still wrapped in Luke's arms. "Mmmm," she moans, snuggling into him. Luke wakes up only enough to move his hand to the back of her head, threading his fingers through her hair. "I could get used to this." Luke kisses the top of her head, a smile on his face.

"Me too," Luke murmurs, clearly not awake. Lorelai reaches over, tracing patterns on Luke's cheek and neck, tittering when he doesn't respond.

"Wakey, wakey," she coos.

Suddenly, Luke reaches up with the hand that's not in her hair and grabs hers that's teasing him. "Lorelai," he warns.

"Luke," Lorelai responds using the same voice.

"I'm trying to sleep."

"I'm trying to keep you from sleeping."

"I got that." Lorelai giggles. She places a few small kisses right below his ear.

"Come on Luke, wake up. Play with me," she begs.

"Dirty," Luke grunts, his hand moving from her hair back to her arm and rubbing gently. Lorelai snuggles in against him. Finally she taps his chest.

"Luke, you're not waking up," she notes.

"Early," he grunts.

_What time is it?_

_Early._

_Hate early. Must kill early. Okay, I gotta get up._

_Why?_

_Work. Inn. Buy shoes. Oh my God, I can't move. I need coffee._

_I don't have coffee up here, it's all downstairs._

"Coffee!" Lorelai whines. Luke groans.

"I forgot how much I hate waking up with you in the morning," Luke grumbles, his fingers running over her arm to let her know he's joking.

"Oh, Luke I am a joy at all times."

"Well there's no coffee in this house, it's all in the diner, and I'm not about to let you walk around the corner in my shirt," Luke mutters. Lorelai leans on her elbow looking up him.

"So you're going to go get it?" Lorelai ask happily.

"Does it look like I'm going to?"

"Lu-uke! I want it! I need it!" Lorelai whines.

"Coffee does not make the world go 'round."

"It makes my world go around," Lorelai responds.

"You know, sometimes I wish the stuff would've killed you already," Luke crabs, kissing her forehead and then pushing himself into a sitting position. He glances over at the clock and groans. "I have Caesar open for me and you make me get up at this time? What happened to sleepy Lorelai? I want her back."

"Well whine about it, why don't you?" Lorelai shoots back. Luke shakes his head and then rubs his hands over his face trying to wake up. "Remember I lived in a different time zone for fifteen years." Luke drops his hands into his lap and stares at her.

"There are two things wrong with that statement there, Crazy Lady. First, California is 3 hours behind us, so it would actually be 4:30 right now in San Francisco. Second, you've lived here for six months now, so don't tell me that Eastern Standard Time hasn't caught up with you yet." Lorelai grins.

"It can't catch me, I'm the little gingerbread man," Lorelai jokes. She sits up, kneeling on the bed next to him. He watches her expression for a moment, watching her smile form into a straight line, noting the more serious look on her face. He reaches up and gently plays with her hair.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks.

"You. Me." She shrugs. "Us. This." She motions between them and then flails her hand down at the bed.

"I think we did pretty good." Lorelai rolls her eyes, blushing.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well what did you mean?" Lorelai takes Luke's other hand in hers, playing with his fingers thoughtfully.

"We're doing this. I mean we're together. It's been so long, Luke. And I've missed it so much." She looks up at him. "I've missed you so much. I missed us so much." Luke nods, his hand still playing with her hair. "I mean I love this. Us. And I don't just mean the dirty stuff." She winks, then she shrugs, looking back down at their hands. "I liked just us being together," she finishes softly.

_Look, I like doing things with you. I'm surprised I have to tell you that._

_You don't have to tell me._

_I like going shopping with you. I like having dinner with Sookie and Jackson. But the actual shopping seems a little pointless and Sookie's kids have driven me up a wall, but you're there and I like hanging with you._

_I know that._

_And I could have been fun at that recital. I mean, you're probably sitting there mocking most of it. I can mock stuff._

_Oh you're a great mocker! I was only thinking of you when I mentioned camping. You haven't been camping since we got together and I was feeling weird about that. You should do the things you like._

_I do do the things I like._

_Well I wasn't getting rid of you! I want you to do whatever you want with me. I know that sounded dirty, and dirty things count, but I didn't mean the dirty things. You and me can hang whenever, wherever._

"I liked that too," Luke says softly, letting his hand travel down her arm to her hand and squeezing her hand. "I liked us just being able to hang. Let loose. Just be. Just us." Lorelai nods.

"That's why we were friends first," Lorelai reminds him.

"I'm sorry it got-" he begins but stops when Lorelai covers his mouth with her hand.

"No. No, Luke. No 'I'm sorry's'. No apologies. We can look back but not to that. Only the good stuff. The horoscope. The chuppah. My proposal. All good things. It happened and it sucks, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing we could have had more. I do, don't get me wrong, but us, now, I'm glad that we at least have that," Lorelai insists. Luke watches her eyes for a moment, searching for the hidden sadness that he saw for the last few months when they had been together before, but her eyes are open and clear blue. And he knows, she's telling the truth.

"So what now?" he asks, wanting to lighten the mood.

"Coffee." Luke rolls his eyes.

"Shoulda known that was coming." He sighs. "Okay, okay, get dressed and we'll go get you some coffee and then you can go home and send my daughter home." Lorelai nods but doesn't move. "Do I have to blow a starter pistol?" Lorelai giggles.

"No, I just…" She cups his face in her hands and kisses him fully on the mouth. "I love you." Luke has a boyish grin on his face as Lorelai sits back.

"You know that's not going to keep me from giving you decaf, right?" Lorelai laughs. Luke rubs her arm and give her a quick peck on the lips. "Just looking out for your best interests," he reminds her.

* * *

Lorelai walks in her house, trying to be quiet in case the kids are still asleep. She sets her keys on the table by the door and softly sets her purse down before walking into the living room. She takes off her coat, switching her to-go cup of coffee from hand to hand and turns to walk into the kitchen and freezes in her tracks. Lucy and Loren are standing in the doorway, their arms folded over their chests. Nicolas stands behind them. "Okay, I'm guessing we're not reenacting the Knights who say Ni," Lorelai figures. Lucy shakes her head. Lorelai sighs, her hands going to her hips. "So what's the story Morning Glory?" Silently, Lucy hands Lorelai the picture from the Christening. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was coming home to a game of charades." 

"Mom," Lucy warns. Lorelai frowns and looks down at the picture.

"Well, you showed this to me a week ago. I'm not sure I get why we're reenacting that whole scene," Lorelai says.

"Because this time I want the truth," Lucy demands. Lorelai slowly looks up at Lucy, squinting her eyes as if slowly dissecting her daughter.

"The truth…" Lorelai says slowly. She nods looking down at the picture. "You don't want me to tell you the truth, you already know the truth."

"I can handle the truth," Lucy says. Lorelai smirks.

"Okay then, Jack Nicholson, I get that," Lorelai quips, but Lucy doesn't smile. Lorelai sighs again. "So it's going to be this way." She glances over at Loren. "And you know this too?"

"Mom," Lucy says quietly. Lorelai nods, pursing her lips.

"Okay, fine, I give in. I am Spartacus," Lorelai says, putting up her hands. "Your sister's a blabbermouth."

"Actually, Rory isn't the one who told us," Lucy comments. "In fact, Rory refused to tell us."

"Well I raised one right," Lorelai mutters.

"But Grandma told us and Babette and just about everyone we could walk up to ask and mention you and Luke in the same sentence," Lucy adds, an annoyed tone to her voice.

"Oh Luce…"

"I don't get it. Babette can know! And Rory! And the entire world! So why wouldn't you tell us that you and Luke were once together? That you were once engaged? Why couldn't you tell us?" Lucy exclaims. Lorelai bites her bottom lip.

She stares at her younger daughter, seeing so much of herself in the girl at this moment. Seeing the frustration going on inside. She remembers her frustration with her parents, annoyed with them for running her life the way they wanted and she wonders for a moment if that's what she has done with Lucy. Had she just kept Lucy in the dark so that Lucy would never know what her life could have been like? And she's still not sure why she kept this as a secret. She knows deep down that Lucy and Nicolas had a great life in San Francisco, that she had done her best to make sure they were happy even if she wasn't. So why did she tell them about Max and never casually mention that she had also been engaged to Luke? And she knows why. Because with Max there was a simple answer to their breakup, she had never loved him.

But with Luke, it hadn't been simple. From the moment they met things had been confusing. For years she hadn't been sure about how she felt about him, about what he meant to her, about how their relationship actually worked. And when they had gotten together, everything had been so complex. They hadn't known how to tell their friends. They hadn't known how to move their relationship along. They hadn't known how to deal with Christopher or her parents or April or Rory. They hadn't ever figured out how to be just them, it was too complicated, they had let everything else in their lives complicate their relationship, until they weren't even sure they had a relationship anymore, until they couldn't see each other through all the muck.

_I've been waiting for a long time and I don't want to wait anymore._

_I have to think this through._

_No!_

_I have April._

_Well you're going to have to figure out how April fits into our lives not the other way around._

_I'm trying._

_Well, try married._

_Just wait!_

_No, I'm not waiting it's now or never._

_I don't like ultimatums._

_I don't like Mondays but unfortunately they come around eventually._

_I can't just jump like this._

_Well I'm sorry to hear that. And I have to go._

And at this moment she thinks back to that first day back in Stars Hallow, just a few months before, when she had watched The Way We Were. She remembers trying to put herself into Katie's place, thinking about Katie who had wished for the future, for the time when she and Hubbell were old so that they could be done with all the confusing parts of their relationship, so that they could live uncomplicated lives, like they had when they were younger. But Hubbell had been right, it was never uncomplicated. Her relationship with Luke had never been easy, even before they were together, it was never uncomplicated. Maybe that's the reason why they had turned out just like Katie and Hubbell. Everything else had always gotten in the way of the idea that their relationship was about them, her and Luke, and no one else, it was about them being happy and in love and being joyful in the times of just being together.

"Mom," Lucy says softly. "Is it true?" Lorelai looks at Lucy's concerned expression, Loren's mystified look and Nicolas's stony expression.

"Yes, Lucy, Loren, Nicolas. Luke and I were once together," Lorelai confirms softly and almost sadly. Lucy and Loren share a look. "What?" Loren hands Lorelai the small box and Lucy hands Lorelai the piece of paper.

"Sorry, Mom, but we needed to know and we weren't getting anywhere asking you," Lucy says. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows and watches her daughter for a moment, seeing more of herself in Lucy than ever before, finally seeing that Lucy's not a female version of Larry, but a younger version of herself, including all her faults. She tears her gaze from Lucy and looks down at the box, slowly opening it.

"Oh," she gasps quietly running a finger over the ring. "I forgot I had this."

"You didn't," Loren informs her. Lorelai looks up with surprise. "I found it in a box in the closet of my space above the diner."

"He has a Lorelai box?" Lorelai realizes, almost delighted with the idea. Loren nods.

"Yes, he does, and you have a Luke box," Lucy adds. Lorelai purses her lips, finally understanding what's been going on while she and Luke have been out. "And while we will discuss later some of the strange things we found, first I want to know about that paper I found in your box." Lorelai looks down at the paper, reading it over, as if she doesn't know what it says. She bites her lip, reading it over again. Then she looks up at Nicolas with misty eyes. He stares at her, giving her a cold gaze, one that she recognizes as Luke's, having seen it once reflected at her in Doose's Market.

_Fine. You want to know what I'm thinking right now? That I can't be in this relationship, it's too much._

She swallows hard, closing her eyes for a moment. "Why don't you guys have a seat," Lorelai finally suggests when she opens her eyes again, motioning to the couch. Lucy and Loren agreeably walk over and sit on the couch. Nicolas folds his arms, leaning against the door frame. "Nicky?"

"The name is Nicolas. Nicolas O'Donnell. And I'm fine right where I am," Nicolas states. Lorelai nods, a little shaken by his tone, and walks over to sit on the coffee table, setting her coffee cup beside her. Then she folds her hands in her lap, glancing first over at Nicolas and then at the two girls that sit in front of her. Her mouth is completely dry.

"What do you want me to say? Where should I start?"

"Start with you dating my dad," Loren says simply. Lorelai nods, relieved to be allowed a few moments to talk about the good times before they get to things she'd rather not talk about.

"Well, you probably have already heard that we knew each other long before we started dating. 8 years in fact," Lorelai begin, she shakes her head, smiling to herself. Lucy nods. "And we dated a lot of people. You know, Max, Jason, Rachel, Nicole. Course he dated the girls and I dated the guys, this wasn't a Chasing Amy type of thing." Loren wrinkles her nose. Lorelai pats her knee. "Don't worry. But through all that we were friends. Just friends. I don't know, maybe I had feelings for him."

_Do you have feelings for this man?_

_I don't know. Maybe I do. I haven't given it much thought. Maybe I do._

Lorelai smiles to herself. "And everyone thought that you did?" Lucy asks. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, just Mom. Everyone thought he had feelings for me," Lorelai answers. Lucy cocks her head. "You know, Sookie, Rory, Patty, Babette, all of Stars Hollow and most of the western hemisphere." Lucy giggles. Lorelai smiles. "I'm not sure if he did. Maybe. I think possibly. But I also think he probably didn't realize it if he did. Anyways, we had other people in our lives."

"He got married, you got engaged," Lucy rattles off.

"Right. Not at the same time, of course. But, correct anyway. Finally, I broke up with Jason right before the test run of the Dragonfly and Luke wasn't with anyone and, I dunno, for some reason he decided to take me to Liz's wedding with him."

"My aunt Liz?" Loren asks. Lorelai nods.

"Yeah. She almost didn't get married until I showed up with some needle and thread to fix her torn dress."

"Ever Supergirl," Lucy teases. Lorelai winks.

"Exactly. But something changed that night. I think I finally saw him, I mean the real him, not the friend him, but more than that. And we danced and it was… amazing. Like that scene at the beginning of Moulin Rouge where Christian and Satine dance on the clouds."

"Wow," Lucy says in awe. Both girls are completely enthralled with the tale, imagining their parents much younger and falling in love. Lorelai nods.

"It was really just wow." She shrugs. "And then he asked me to the movies and he brought me flowers when he showed up for the test run."

"My dad?" Loren interrupts. Lorelai nods. "My dad brought you flowers?" Lorelai nods again.

"Only time he's ever done it I'm guessing," Lorelai remarks.

"I'll say," Loren mutters.

"And that night, when everyone, or most people, had gone to bed, he kissed me."

"Wow," Lucy says again.

"And then he went to Maine."

"How romantic," Loren notes with sarcasm.

"Well your aunt and uncle had hurt themselves in a car crash and he went to run Liz's shop for the summer."

"How strange," Loren adds.

"Indeed," Lorelai agrees. "And when he came back we went out a couple times, and it took no time for us to take our relationship from friends to… well… more than friends." Loren wrinkles her nose again. "Because we were still best friends. We could still tell each other everything. We just had the added benefits of having feelings for each other and knowing it and knowing that we could kiss each other anytime we wanted."

_Hey Luke?_

_Yup?_

_You cooking this is so sweet…_

_But?_

_I just figured, you know, we'd go to Luke's for breakfast._

_Why?_

_Because I like Luke's breakfast._

_I am Luke._

_I know._

_This is the same stuff I make at the diner._

_I know._

_So what's the difference?_

_Well, the difference is, while you are Luke, we are not at Luke's._

_So?_

_Well I have my things, you know? I have certain things and one of my things is going to Luke's. And just because I now have 'dating Luke' doesn't mean I want to lose my 'cooking Luke'._

_But I am cooking and I am Luke._

_-_

_The point is that, while some things have changed, and that's great, I don't want everything to change completely._

"It was really the best of both worlds," Lorelai remarks softly.

"So if it was so great, then why did you guys break up?" Lucy asks.

"Well we got engaged."

"And that's why you broke up?" Loren asks. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No, Rory and I got in that big fight and I proposed to Luke." Lucy and Loren share a look.

"Yeah, we know that, Lorie's still trying to digest the fact that her father is a sissy," Lucy kids.

"He wasn't a sissy or any of that. In fact, I recently learned he was going to propose as well. I just beat him to it because the moment I realized that he was the one, that he was the only one, that he loved me and he loved Rory, that he would do anything for us, he always had and always would, the moment I realized that, I just wanted him to know I knew he was the one. I wanted him to know that I wanted him around in the morning and that he was legally required to be there."

"Love that movie," Lucy interjects. Lorelai nods.

"But I told him I didn't want to get married until Rory came home and he said he was okay with that. And when Rory came around, Sookie and I planned the wedding in one day, perfect dress, perfect church, perfect everything. And it was all working out so perfectly."

_It's really hard to get married. Believe me, I should know. I mean, seriously, because Lane is married and next thing it'll be my daughter and then my granddaughter, but not me. I'm not getting married. No, it ain't for me. It's not in the cards. But, hey, do you know what date I'm not getting married? June 3rd. Do not save the date. Do you hear me? Do whatever you want on June 3rd, because there's nothing at all happening on that day. If there's anything you need to book or anything, it's totally safe to book it on June 3rd._

Lorelai shakes her head looking down at her hands. "You planned the wedding?" Lucy asks and notices Lorelai's not in the moment. "Mom!" Lorelai looks up. "You planned the whole thing?" Lorelai nods.

"June 3rd," she says hoarsely. "We were supposed to get married on June 3rd."

"So what happened?" Loren wonders. "Did Dad back out?" Lorelai shakes her head.

"No. Maybe. I don't… a lot of things happened Loren. Your sister showing up. Not that April showing up was a bad thing, but it complicated things. Luke didn't tell me about her for two months and then couldn't figure out how to fit both of us into his life." Lorelai shakes her head. "I couldn't figure out how to tell him what I wanted. I was so afraid of losing him." Lorelai purses her lips, looking down, running a finger around the rim of her coffee cup. "He was the only man I ever loved, so I…" Lucy looks up, startled.

"He what?" Lucy gasps. Lorelai looks over at Lucy, suddenly realizing what she just said.

"Oh Luce…" Lorelai touches Lucy's knee gently but Lucy tenses. "I never wanted you to find out. I never wanted…" Lorelai shakes her head looking down. "I loved him so much. I had gotten to a point where I never thought I'd love anyone. But then Larry came around and I just… you can't tell your heart how to feel. Bonnie's right, you can't make someone love you, but you also can't make your heart stop loving someone."

"Lorelai," Loren says and clears her throat. "Did my dad love you?" Lorelai nods. "Does he still love you?" Lorelai nods.

"I'm not saying that your dad never loved your mom, I'm just…" Lorelai shakes her head.

"I get it," Loren says.

"So, I guess I just got really frustrated or something and we fought, the biggest fight ever, at least to that point, and I told him I wanted to elope. I told him now or never and when he didn't respond, I figured it was never. So I left."

"And he didn't go after you?" Lucy asks. Lorelai sighs.

"I guess he did. I found him on my doorstep the next day."

"The next day? Where'd you go?" Lucy wonders. Lorelai bites her lower lip and glances up at Nicolas, who hasn't moved, still leaning against the door frame, arms still folded over his chest.

"To Rory's father's house. I just… I wanted a friend. I wanted to feel like I wasn't alone. I wanted to know that someone loved me because I felt so confused about everything, about Luke. I thought Luke and I were over. I had lost the only man I ever loved. I just wanted to throw caution to the wind." Lorelai shrugs. "I wasn't thinking."

"You cheated with him?" Nicolas asks or, more so, states, an icy tone in his voice that Lorelai had never heard before.

"It wasn't cheating when Luke and I had already broken up. Somehow it felt to me that we were over before that, I already knew it wasn't going to happen, that Luke and I were never going to get married, that whatever wonderful beautiful thing we had created was ending," Lorelai responds.

"But you did?" Loren asks.

"Look girls, it was complicated. I screwed up. But I felt I had lost him a long time ago. You can't understand how I was feeling when I barely understand it myself," Lorelai attempts to explain.

"And when did you find out you were pregnant?" Lucy asks with no sympathy in her voice, no longer taken with Luke and Lorelai's beautiful love story as a child to a fairy tale gone wrong.

"Two days later. I was really really sick. I was nauseous all the time, throwing up. I thought it was just nerves, emotions, but I couldn't keep anything in so I went to the doctor and she was surprised I hadn't realized earlier that I was pregnant. I guess I was just so caught up in the whole Luke mess that I hadn't been paying much attention to anything else. Not even the fact that my clothes were fitting a little tighter than usual."

"And you never told him?" Loren asks. Lorelai looks down at her hands, the memory of that day so clear and fresh in her mind as if reliving it all over again.

"I tried. I went to his apartment to tell him but Anna was there with April and I was just floored. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. And before I could gain control long enough to speak, Luke threw me out. He said, well-deservingly, that he never wanted to see my face again, that it hurt too much to look at me. And I just ran. I ran here. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't stop crying until Luke came over the next day, still furious. We fought. Unbelievably hard. Like we were fighting for each other while saying these spiteful horrible things. And it ended with Luke telling me to leave and never come back. And so I did."

"Wow," Lucy whispers. "I can't believe it."

"I was only going to leave for a week. But I went to a coffee shop in San Fran, searching for the perfect cup of coffee, the only thing I figured could pull me at all out of the dumps and Larry was there. And he was so kind. So gentle. We ended up talking and joking about coffee, about how bad the coffee was at this place, and for the first moment in almost 6 months, I felt a little at ease with my life. And he took me in and helped me find a job and when I told him I was pregnant, he offered to take care of me and my son, no questions asked."

"You could have said no, you could have brought me home to my real father," Nicolas spits out. Lorelai shakes her head.

"I didn't see that as an option. He hated me. Cold, white hatred. Nicolas, you weren't there, you don't know what I saw then, you don't know how much I was dying inside. I thought he was moving on with Anna and April. I thought he'd take you away from me. I thought…" She sighs. "So many things, some of them seem crazy now, but I think I was, a little, at that point. There was that look on his face, in his eyes, it was cold and …and I just… it would have killed me to see that look on his face and hear those words from his mouth over and over again. I'm sorry, I know I was selfish, but I just couldn't face him again. I thought he could never forgive me."

"So you lied to me." Lorelai sighs, flopping her hands in her lap.

"I did what I thought was best for you Nicky. I was too tired and broken to raise you on my own and Larry, he was just there. Before I knew it we were married and I was pregnant again. You needed someone to love you, to be there for you when I couldn't be. And I just couldn't be then. You don't know, I'm not sure Larry ever knew, but one day, before I knew I was pregnant with Lucy, I grabbed you and took you to the airport, prepared to take you back to Stars Hollow, to give you to the man who was your father. I got to the airport and the lines were long so I sat down to rest for a minute and time just flew by. I couldn't move. I couldn't move forward and I couldn't go back. I was just stuck in this whole limbo thing. And then my cell rang and it was Larry, calling because he was worried, calling because he loved me, because he loved you. So I went back to him, because he wanted us. Because there you would grow up happy and I would at least be loved. I did it because I love you," Lorelai claims. Nicolas shakes his head.

"You don't deserve my love," Nicolas responds and walks out, slamming the door behind him. Lorelai chokes back a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. Lucy reaches out and touches Lorelai's arm.

"Mom, does Luke know?" Lucy asks. Lorelai shakes her head.

"No," Lorelai whispers. She stands, shaky on her feet. "But he will now." She glances over at Loren. "I'm sorry. Both of you, I'm sorry."

"Here," Loren says, holding out a key. "Use the room above the diner." Lorelai shares a look with Loren. "I'm not saying I understand, but Lorelai you're a good person. I guess, everyone makes mistakes, sometimes they're small but they can snowball out of proportion. My mom did that too. You remind me of my mom."

_You know you remind me of my mom._

_Wow, is she handy with the glitter?_

_She painted a mural on my wall in nailpolish one night._

_Cool._

_I think you'd like her._

"You never met your mom," Lorelai notes. Loren shrugs.

"I guess, from what my dad has told me about my mom," Loren responds. "I guess from the picture I had of her in my mind. Funny. Colorful. Always life of the party. Open. Understanding. Stubborn. Beautiful. And most of all, courageous." Lorelai nods, she stares at Loren for a moment and then walks out onto the porch.

She knows what Luke has told Loren about her mother without ever asking Loren. She knows. The picture he's given her is Lorelai, not Mandy. She just knows it. And for a moment, Lorelai thinks about going inside and telling Loren this. But little white lies never hurt anyone, she figures. As long as they don't snowball.


	18. And I Know What You've Been Through

**Chapter 18: And I Know What You've Been Through **

She was scared, more than the day she told him about Christopher, and more than the day she begged to elope. She knew that this time, if she lost him, there was no turning back. And she knew if she lost him, she would lose everything.

Over the years she had tried to get over that last awful day in Stars Hollow but she can still remember what it had been like the moment she had decided to leave town. Luke's words still rang in her ears as she grabbed her small suitcase and began tossing clothes inside. She was hurting. Her head was pounding. Her ears were ringing. Her stomach was twisting far past ordinary morning sickness. But it was more than that, she could physically feel her heart breaking.

She had always thought that was just a phrase. Something from the movies made up by Capra or Hemingway. But it was real. Because what she had felt for Luke, it had been real. True, she had always believed in fate. She had always believed in things being 'written in the stars' or some all powerful force shifting things, shaping destiny, but love was different. Love was something that she had never begun to comprehend, at least enough to believe that it could ever be a real thing. Christopher. Max. Gabe Sanford. They had all proclaimed their love for her and she had wanted to love each of them, but she knew she didn't. And after Max, she had given up. Rory was enough. Rory was her life, her world. She didn't need anyone. But then she was gone. To Yale. To Europe. Elsewhere.

And right there had been Luke, just as he had been all along. The moment it clicked in her mind, she knew, she felt it in her heart, this one was different. This time she would open her heart. This time she would let him in. This was her soulmate. And it only took a little bit of faith in the fate she had always believed in, to believe that she and Luke were meant to be. They had always been meant to be if they had just seen what was right in front of them.

_Look this is not something casual, Luke and me, this is not something we're running into by any means. This has been a long time coming. A long time. This is real._

She can still remember the moment after those words left her mouth, actually hearing the words. It wasn't the first time she had realized it, that she and Luke should have been together long before, that what they had was real, what they had was what little girls dreamed of. But it was the first time she had said it. The first time she had told someone, other than herself, that she knew she and Luke belonged together. She could feel it in her heart. It was a feeling that was hard to describe: warm, full, comforting, secure. Whatever it was, she was sure this was love.

And when she had lost him, it was like a pin poked into a balloon, watching the air slowly drift out. The same had happened to her heart. Everything was spilling out. All those feelings. All that love. All that warmth and safety. And she knew that if she didn't find someone or something to plug that hole, she would end up being deflated and empty. And Luke's angry words, urging her to leave town, ensuring that the sight of her would only cause him more pain, only served to poke more holes in her heart. She needed to get out of there. She needed just a place of solace. Just for a day, an hour. Just long enough to keep her from losing herself.

Larry had done that. He hadn't fixed anything. He hadn't made her heart fill once again. He hadn't made her feel warm or secure or any of that. But he had patched up the holes so that she could just be. She wasn't alive. She wasn't herself. She couldn't feel. But she existed. And she had to. There was Nicolas to consider.

In the past few months, she had gotten all that back. Being with Luke again. Seeing him. Talking to him. Having him support her. Feeling his love and loving him in return. Somehow that ache had lessened. She could feel things again. The sun. The warm air. Life. People all around. She was affected by it, she wasn't just a person moving through space and time, living only for Nicolas and Lucy. She was more than that. She had become herself again, Lorelai Gilmore was resurrected from the dead.

Yet, she could already feel it ending. She already knew his response. She knew him so well.

But again, Sookie had warned her only a few months before that it was important to pull off the band-aid.

And now, it's because of that conversation, that Lorelai opens the door to the diner and walks up to the counter. She's thankfully come just after the lunch rush so things seem to be slowing down. Luke looks over at her and grins, as he sets a plate down in front of a customer. "Hey," Luke greets her warmly. Lorelai flashes him a smile in response and he leans across the counter to kiss her, to which she also responds. "Long time."

"Yeah," Lorelai responds lightly. Luke furrows his eyebrows, concerned.

"You okay?" Luke wonders. Lorelai glances over at Kirk, who sits on the stool nearby, and forces a smile, then she looks back at Luke.

"Hey, can we talk?" she asks.

"Lorelai, what's wrong?" Luke asks, growing more worried by the second, wondering if she was rethinking the last night.

"It's um…" She glances over at Kirk and then shakes her head. "It's, uh, nothing, I just want to… can we talk alone?"

"Are you pregnant?" Kirk asks. Lorelai gives Kirk a strange look. "Hey, that's how Lulu told me she was pregnant with Junior. She couldn't speak in full sentences. She wanted to talk alone."

"Umm… Kirk, wanting to talk alone could encompass a myriad of things, only one of which is pregnancy," Lorelai responds. "Besides, it's a little impossible." She gives Luke a pointed look. "I'm not 35 anymore." Luke nods.

"We won't know until we saw off your legs and count the rings," Luke comments. Lorelai grins, her first real smile since walking in the place.

"So, can we? We can go upstairs, Loren gave me her key," Lorelai says, jingling the key in her hand.

"She what? Where is she?"

"At my place. Luke, seriously." Lorelai gives him a pleading look, to which Luke instantly responds.

"Caesar, I'll be back in a few!" Luke shouts and motions with his head for her to go upstairs. He follows soon after. As Lorelai struggles with the key in the lock, Luke touches her elbow. "Are you sure you're okay?" Lorelai just shakes her head as she works on the lock, finally getting it open. She opens the door, waits for Luke to walk in and closes it behind him.

"Hi," she says and smiles.

"You came here for…?" Luke asks suggestively. Lorelai shakes her head but does lean in and kiss him softly.

"No, actually something more important, just wanted to say hi first," she explains. Luke nods and kisses her again. Lorelai gives into the kiss, letting him deepen the kiss, wanting this one just to last, until she can feel the lump forming in the back of her throat and pulls back, scratching the back of her head and beginning to pace. Luke pushes up his sleeves watching her, knowing she'll talk when she's ready. "Luke," she says, after a moment, stopping and turning to face him, standing a few feet away. "There's something you should know. And I know you're going to hate me after this, but I need to say it because, well mostly because it's out now, but just so you know, I had my reasons for not telling you before." Luke furrows his eyebrows as he tries to follow her line of thought.

"Oh-kay," Luke replies slowly. Lorelai takes a deep breath.

"Luke, Nicolas is your son." She cocks her head, gazing at him timidly, waiting for his certain unhappy response. Luke just stares at her in confusion.

"What?" he asks, as if he didn't hear her. Lorelai sighs.

"When I left fifteen years ago, I was pregnant. Three months pregnant. I didn't know about it when, you know, I, you know, with Christopher. I didn't know. I found out a couple days later. But I was three months pregnant, with Nicolas." Luke stares at her and she's again unsure about whether or not he heard her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Luke asks softly, evenly, pronouncing each word clearly, as if that's what he's concentrating on.

"I tried. I did Luke. The day that I found Anna here, I tried. But I couldn't get the words out before you threw me out. Before you said…" Lorelai takes a deep breath. "Before you told me you never wanted to see me again. When you told me that you'd rather you had never met me. That I fit description of the nymph I was named for, which by the way, I wasn't." Lorelai looks down, twisting her hands in front of her. "I wanted to tell you, but you told me to leave. You told me to never come back. You couldn't look at me. You hated me that much." She shrugs. "It was selfish, I know, but I only did what you told me to do." Luke presses his lips together, not taking his eyes off of her. Lorelai bites her lower lip. And they stand there like that for a bit.

_So do you want to hear my explanations, cuz I've got 'em. Explanations, perspectives, apologies, I've got 'em all and I'm dying to share them with you._

_I just need some time._

_Time –_

_A little time, to think._

_And to process._

_Right. I get that. I get that. I just have so much I want to say to you._

_Not right now. I need to clear my head._

_You'll call me when you're ready?_

_Yeah._

_Okay. Good. Okay. So I should…_

Lorelai finally looks back up at him, noticing he hasn't moved. "You want some time don't you?" she asks softly. Luke blinks, the only sign that he's heard her. "Luke?" He nods.

"Yes. Time. To think." Lorelai nods.

"I get that." She swallows, knowing by now that pushing would only hurt her in the long run. "Okay, well I'll go. You know how to…" He nods. "Okay." Lorelai turns and walks out, glancing back at him before she closes the door behind her, but he's still staring at the spot where she had been standing as if she's still standing there. Then she shakes her head and closes the door behind her.

* * *

Hours later, Lorelai is sitting on the porch of the Dragonfly, just staring into space. She's been sitting there the entire time, just thinking, or trying not to, trying not to ponder what could be going through Luke's mind. He's going to be angry. He's going to be frustrated. He's going to be sad and annoyed and he's going to end up hating her. She knows all this. And she can't imagine what to do, she can't figure out what she can do to keep things from ending up the way they're headed. 

She's not even sure why she ended up here. There were so many places she could have gone. She could have gone to pick up those last few boxes Randy's got saved in San Francisco. She could have gone to DC to see Rory and all the grandchildren. She could have gone home and hid in her room. She could have gone to Hartford to check on her mother. But her feet disconnected and headed her over here.

The scene where it all began. Seventeen years before it was on this porch when she had felt that the entire summation of her relationship with Luke had come to a head. It was the place where the fog in her head had finally cleared and she could see Luke as she had never seen him before. Dependable. Understanding. Comforting. Handsome. She had known all this all along, but staring up at him as he got more and more frustrated with her, as her heart began to thump in her chest, as the air began to get thick with tension, she had finally realized who this man really was.

_I'm not taken. We broke up!_

_Well, he doesn't know that!_

_Well just calm down!_

_Aw, I don't want to calm down! I did everything right! I did exactly what the book said!_

_The book?_

_I thought we were on track. And now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy._

_I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!_

_You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! A very easy stat to remember!_

_I loved the flowers!_

_And when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment, I thought there was a moment._

_There was! There was a moment. What are you doing?_

_Would you just stand still? ... What are you doing?_

_Would you just stand still?_

As she steps back, she suddenly realizes that she's stood up off the bench. She's facing exactly the same direction, as if Luke is standing there right in front of her, the tips of his fingers still touching her waist. And she reaches out a hand with just a hope that he'll magically materialize in front of her, praying that her fingers will land on his soft flannel or sweater. But her fingers touch nothing and instantly all her delusions disappear and all she's left cold and empty. Not a soul in the world could touch her now.

Lorelai walks back over to the bench where she left her purse and takes out her cell phone, pressing the first number on speed dial. She lowers herself onto the bench, crossing her legs and leaning slightly over her knees, needing the feel of being tightly wrapped into herself.

"Hey there!" Rory greets her happily. "Didn't think I'd be hearing from you again so soon. You were on cloud nine this morning, didn't think you'd come down from that so quickly." Lorelai takes the phone from her ear, needing a moment to forget that it had just been that morning that everything was perfect.

"Rory," Lorelai says softly, putting the phone back on her ear.

"Mom? Are you all right?" Rory asks, extremely worried at the sad tones of her mother's voice.

"Rory I…" Lorelai swallows, feeling tears pricking the corners of her eyes. "I need to ummm... there's something that you should know."

"What is it Mom? Is it Gramma?"

"No, Hun, no. It's not Gramma. It's…" Lorelai bites her lower lip.

"Is it Luke?" Lorelai presses her lips together, trying so hard to keep her tears from falling that she can't answer. "Mom?"

"It's… when I left… when I got to San Francisco. Rory, I was pregnant. I was already pregnant before I met Larry. Rory, Nicolas is Luke's son." Lorelai sniffs, covering her mouth with her hand as she waits for Rory's response, which doesn't come right away. "Rory, please tell me what you're thinking. Say something."

"I knew," Rory says quietly.

"What?"

"I knew, Mom. I knew. I knew you were pregnant. I knew he was Luke's. But by the time I figured it out, you were already engaged to Larry and it really wasn't my place to do anything about it."

"You knew?" Lorelai gasps.

"Yes, Mom, come on, I knew, you knew I knew. That doesn't mean that I agreed with you not telling Luke, I just… I saw my silence as support and telling him as betrayal. I don't know, Mom. But I knew."

"Oh God," Lorelai moans.

"Does Nicolas know?" Rory asks.

"He does now. Lucy and Loren went through my Luke box and his Lorelai box and they found everything, they know everything. They know about us dating, they know about the engagement and our breakup. They know about Nicolas."

"Do they know about Dad?" Rory wonders. Lorelai nods, remembering the look on the faces of the teenagers when she told them about that.

"Yes," Lorelai affirms quietly.

"And they told Nicolas?"

"Yes."

"And Luke?"

"I just told him," Lorelai admits. She can still see the look on his face. The same as any other time he had gotten angry.

_If you hadn't brought him here this wouldn't have happened!_

_This is my fault?_

_Yes, this is your fault! You told him to come! You let him stay! Everybody hated him, everybody knew he was trouble but you wouldn't listen and you wouldn't send him home and now my daughter is in the hospital! You kept pushing them together. You asked her to help him study, you knew she'd never say no. I told you it made me nervous. I told you I didn't like it and I should've stopped it right there. But you thought Rory would be good for Jess, nevermind what he'd be for her. That wasn't important at all, was it?_

_Of course it was important._

_Why didn't you put a stop to it at the first sign of trouble? Why didn't you make him leave?_

_He's my nephew. I had an obligation to take him in, I had an obligation to care for him._

_You had an obligation to this town and to me and to Rory. Where are you going?_

_I have to find out where Jess is._

_Well I'll tell you where he's not – he's not in the emergency room having his arm plastered up!_

_Hey, I am sorry about Rory. You know I care more for her than I do about myself, but at least you know where Rory is and at least you know she's okay. Now, I have to find Jess and I have to make sure he's okay and if that cuts into your screaming time, well that's just too damn bad!_

_Go to hell!_

_Right back at ya!_

Oh he had hated her that night. The cold look he had given her was as if she meant nothing to him, as if he wished he had never known her. And every time she had remembered that look she had wished she could take that whole night, those few words, back.

"Oh, Rory, you should have seen the look on his face. It was like he didn't see me anymore. It was like he was beyond my existence. He was hurting, more than when I left him after begging him to elope, more than when I told him about sleeping with your dad, more than ever before. I hurt him Rory, and that's the one thing I was trying never to do."

"Wait, first is Nicolas okay?" Rory asks. Lorelai smiles to herself. He had had to check on Jess before letting her go off. Rory had to check on Nicolas.

"Yes. I mean, I don't know. He went to go blow off some steam. He's angry, yes, but I hope he'll realize he had a Dad who loved him so much for fifteen years, so much that he would pretend Nicolas was his. He loved Nicolas as his own."

"I'm sure that's not how Nicky's seeing it right now." Lorelai sighs, looking down at her lap.

"No, probably not," Lorelai agrees. She wipes the tears away from her eyes in the pause.

"What did Luke say?" Rory asks after a moment. Lorelai shakes her head.

"Nothing, he said nothing, Sweets. It was like Charlie Chaplin had moved in. No, more than that. He didn't move. His face was frozen. Like Medusa had gotten to him." Lorelai rests her head in her hand. "I can't believe I did this to him. Again I did this to him. I hurt him. I did it again, my own horrible, vicious circle."

_Look, nothing's changed._

_Yeah nothing's changed except that you don't live here!_

_So what?_

_So? I don't even have your phone number._

_I'll give you my phone number._

_I don't even know what you live in! An apartment. A trailer. A batcave..._

_A townhouse._

_A townhouse? Sure, cuz when I look at you I think common driveway._

_It's fine, you'll come over and see it eventually._

_Will I? Will I come over? Because coming over implies we're friends!_

_We are friends!_

_No, we're not! We're not friends! Friends tell each other at the least the most basic things like where you live and when you moved away. I thought we were friends but I guess we're not._

_Where are you going?_

_I can't stay!_

"Mom," Rory says quietly.

"I hurt him, Rory. He's the equivalent of an antisocial woodsman, no one can get through, no one can hurt him. No one, Rory. No one but me. I was his Achilles heel and I knew it and I used it to my advantage so many times."

"And he forgave you over and over," Rory responds.

"Yes, but last time took fifteen years. I can't do it. I can't wait fifteen years. I already lost my middle with him Rory. We could have had it. We could have had everything but I had to throw all of that away for a night with Christopher." Lorelai scratches her forehead. "I had to lose the only man I ever loved because I couldn't wait for one second to see that he's the only person I could never live without." Lorelai sighs and realized that Rory's not answering. She wonders if she went too far in her rant. "I'm sorry, Ror, I'm sorry to throw all this on you."

"No, Mom, it's fine. I'm just booking a flight," Rory responds.

"A flight?"

"Yeah. Oh, well, I think Marty got my car out of the shop. I'll drive. I'll be there soon."

"No, no Rory. You have work. You have Lily and the twins. You have things to do, places to go, you're Mr. Smith."

"Yes, Mom, I went to Washington. But eventually Mr. Smith went home. And I'm going home. You need me and I'm not taking no for an answer. Remember I'm just as stubborn as you are," Rory insists. Lorelai smiles to herself. "I love you Mom. And Nicolas loves you. And Luke loves you."

"I love you too Kid, more than you'll ever know," Lorelai responds and then hangs up. She puts the phone back in her purse and pushes herself to stand back up. About to start down the steps, she pauses and glances back at the inn.

_Luke is my… special friend._

_Oh?_

_I have to tell you, renovating this place has been a real nightmare. I just don't know how I would have gotten through it without him. Have I said thank you later?_

_Ummm… no._

_Oh, well thank you._

_You're welcome._

Lorelai shakes her head and turns around to head towards the steps.

"Lorelai!" she hears Sookie call from behind her. Lorelai grimaces but slowly turns around.

"Hi," Lorelai responds weakly.

"I thought that was you. Come in, I've got some new spicy tapioca pudding for you to try!" Sookie exclaims. Lorelai wrinkles her nose in disgust.

"You know, I've often said you're a better chef than Emeril, but at least he doesn't make crazy food," Lorelai crabs.

"Come on!" Sookie reaches out and grabs Lorelai's arm and pulls but Lorelai yanks her arms back. Sookie huffs. "Lorelai!"

"Sorry, Sookie, I have to… I…." Lorelai looks away, her chin trembling.

"Lorelai?" Sookie says softly with concern. "Honey, what's wrong?" Sookie asks, touching Lorelai's arm.

"I… he…" Lorelai takes a deep breath, knowing Sookie will find out soon anyways, and that it would just be easier to tell her now. "Nicolas is Luke's son." Sookie's eyes go wide. "And I just told him. Them. Both of them." Lorelai lets the air out quickly, looking down at the ground.

"And you knew that all along?" Sookie asks. Lorelai nods. "And neither of them had any clue?" Lorelai shakes her head. "Wow." Sookie rubs Lorelai's arm. "So you're having a bit of a day." Lorelai pouts, looking back up at Sookie.

"I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing what was best." Lorelai shrugs. "I just try and try to do the right thing. To not make anyone mad. To keep them from hating me and I… I just. I guess, I never know what to do when it comes to Luke. I never know how to keep it all together." Sookie cocks her head, trying to think of the exactly how to respond.

_This is not fair!_

_I have a right to expect a little honesty from my fiancée!_

_Okay, you want honesty? I'll give you honesty! I hate that bedroom set! It's old and creepy, I hate it!_

_You told me you loved it._

_I have absolutely no memory of coming to your storage unit five years ago and telling you I loved that furniture._

_Well thank you very much for your honesty about my grandmother's furniture! Too bad you're not a little more forthcoming about the other men in your life!_

_Oh my God! Enjoy Wisteria Lane you major drama queen!_

_I'm done._

_Wrap yourself in a towel and trip over a hedge on your way out!_

"Yeah, I remember," Sookie agrees. Lorelai smirks, recalling the looks on Sookie's and Jackson's faces. "What can I do Lorelai?" Sookie offers. Lorelai raises an eyebrow.

"That's it?" Lorelai asks in surprise.

"You want me to do a little jig as well?" Lorelai laughs.

"No, it's just that, I lied to you. I lied to everyone. Why are you being nice to me?" Sookie shrugs.

"Because I'm your best friend, that's what best friends do. We're there for each other through the thick and the very very thin." Lorelai throws her arms around Sookie.

"I don't know what I did without you backing me up for fifteen years." Sookie smiles. Lorelai lets go. "Actually, I need you to check on Nicolas. He probably went to find Martha, at least, I'm guessing. He's Luke's and Luke has his patterns, so I'm guessing Nicolas does too. Just watch out for him, you and Martha, he'll come around eventually." Sookie nods. "At least I hope he will."

"He will. You're all he's got," Sookie notes.

"I'm not so sure that's the response I was hoping for." Lorelai sighs, she glances down at her purse. "I have something to do. You mind if I take the rest of today off?"

"No, take a few days off. Is Rory coming?"

"How did you know Rory was coming?" Lorelai asks looking stunned.

"It's not just Luke who's got patterns," Sookie teases.

* * *

She pauses for a moment at the door, gathering all her strength before she opens the door that reads William's Hardware. It seems clear to her what she's going to find when she walks inside. She didn't even have to stop and ask before she walked upstairs, she knows he hasn't moved. She wasn't kidding when she told Sookie that he had his patterns. 

But after a moment, she gives in and opens the door. Closing it behind her, she keeps her eyes focused on him. She smiles to herself, noticing that she was exactly right about where he would be. He doesn't respond and she's a little thankful for that, not really ready to face him, his sad eyes, his dark face.

_Okay see, once we're married, you're not going to be able to run away to your clubhouse anymore. You're going to have to join a rotisserie baseball league like the rest of the men._

And he's in exactly the same place. He's sitting in that chair and she wonders for a moment why Loren never got rid of it. He's got a beer in his left hand, staring straight ahead, lost in space and time as if hearing her words over and over and getting angrier or sadder.

"Hey," she says softly, receiving no response. "Well I know you're no Helen Keller, so I know you can hear me. I – I don't want to push. I just have a few things to say and then, you know, you can do your thing."

Luke doesn't move except to take another long drink of his beer. Lorelai sighs and walks over to the ottoman to sit in front of him, so that at least she can see that he's got some attention focused on her.

"I know you hate me right now and I get that. I really do. I would hate myself too if I was in your place. But I just want to say, Luke, I'm sorry that you're angry, but I'm not sorry I did it. When it came down to it, when Larry offered to raise Nicolas as his, I didn't make my decision on a whim. This was no Losing Isaiah. I thought about it, Luke, and I saw that it came down to you raising your son or my happiness. And Larry was going to be such a good father. Yes, I know to your son, but still… you have to know that he loved Nicolas, that Nicolas had everything he could ever want, except the knowledge that you were his father. So I knew that he would be okay being raised in San Francisco. But when I thought about coming back, all I could see was you being the person you had been during those days in May, and Luke, I know it was selfish, but I couldn't do that to myself again. You don't know what you did to me, how much you hurt me, how I was dying inside. When I went to San Francisco, all I had was the knowledge of the baby inside me, otherwise I was empty. I just… I needed not to hurt anymore and… I know I slept with Christopher, I know I hurt you, but you had hurt me long before that, and you were killing me with that look in your eyes and the bitter words you threw at me during that fight. It came down to two things: your happiness or mine, and for the first time, I chose mine."

Luke finally looks directly at her, taking another drink of his beer.

"I never expected this. I never expected to come back and have a second chance with you. I never expected that I would fall for you all over again. We missed fifteen years. We missed so much. I…" Lorelai furrows her eyebrows, looking down at her hands, again hearing her own voice in her mind.

_I'm afraid of this more time stuff. I'm afraid it will take forty years and that's not good. We'll miss our middle. I want a middle._

"I wanted our middle," Lorelai finally whispers as a few stay tears run down her cheek. She begins to cry softly and covers her mouth with her hand, unable to bring her eyes back up to Luke's. Luke watches her, his expression unchanging, unmoved by her tears. She looks back up at him. "We missed it, Luke. We missed our middle. Can we at least get our ending?"

She stands, pacing around the room, shaking her head to regain control of her emotions, shaking her hands to release the tension. As she settles down, she quickly wipes a finger under her nose. Then she walks back to stand on the other side of the ottoman. "We could have had it Luke. We never stopped loving each other. And don't say that you didn't miss me, we named our daughters Loren and Lucy for God's sake! That's not just a coincidence! Everything you told Loren about her mom, that was me wasn't it?" Luke glowers but stares up at her. "It was, Luke, I know it. And you know you could have found me if you really wanted to, you could have talked to Rory or someone or whatever, you could have found out how to get ahold of me but you didn't. And I know you could have because you knew about Larry. You knew about the kids. At least, that I had had kids. We were both so stupid. So stupid. But we can't give up now Luke. We both hurt each other. A lot, I know. But when I gave you that horoscope, that second one, we said no turning back. We weren't going to regret our past mistakes. We were heading forward, giving it one final chance. So this is it, Luke. This is our final chance. And I love you. I do." Luke shakes his head, drinking his beer again.

Lorelai lets out a sigh of relief, having gotten out everything on her mind. She shakes her head. "Okay, well, now you've got your time. So think. Mull. Do what Luke Danes does." She opens her purse and takes out the small jewelry box and lays it on the table next to him. She closes her purse, watching Luke stare at the box, but not move his hand toward it.

_Full moon! Moment's here, let's go!_

She looks out the window and nods. "Full moon Luke. This is your moment," she says gravely. Then she turns and walks towards the door. She opens it, glancing back at him, seeing him still staring at the ring box. "I love you," she whispers. "I was all in." And as the tears begin to fall again, she quickly leaves, closing the door behind her.


	19. You Should Give Me A Chance

**Chapter 19: You Should Give Me A Chance**

'Nicolas is your son.' That was what she had said wasn't it? He wasn't imagining it? 'Nicolas is your son.' And he knows it's true. He is as sure of that as if he had always known it. 'Nicolas is your son.' And then words continue to repeat over and over in his mind in a cadence that is formed by the steady voice saying the words. As hard as he tries to hear the words without hearing her voice, he can't. Because the words and her voice are wrapped together like the red and white stripes on a candy cane, each distinct, but without which, it wouldn't be a candy cane. 'Nicolas is your son.' And he wonders if the more times he hears the sentence repeated, the more he'll begin to understand.

He adjusts himself in the seat of his truck, his hands gripping the steering wheel in the 10 and 2 position, as if he might lose control if his hands slipped just slightly. His eyes focus on the road in front of him, but his mind isn't focused. The repetitive words march through his head with the consistency of a marching band to the beat of a drum. He can't get them out. He can't draw their meaning. It's like a buzzing that he can't get rid of no matter how hard he tries.

Slowly, his eyes slip from the window shield in front of him to the small box on the bench next to him. As he continuously glances between the road and the seat next to him, he gradually stretches out his hand to encompass the box that has sat there since the moment he got in the truck. He isn't sure why he brought it. He hasn't yet managed to open the box, but he knows what's inside, but he's not sure why he sat it next to him in the truck, except that from the moment she put it down on the table, he wasn't able to take his eyes off of it.

Taking a deep breath, he flips the lid open with one hand, extracting the ring and placing it on the tip of his little finger. His hands once again return to the 10 and 2 position on the wheel, but his eyes not only take in the view of the road, but the glint of the sparkling diamond from the ring on his finger. He remembers that when he bought that ring, he had chosen it because it reminded him of her. It was spirited and lovely and glittering and was basically the essence of everything he loved in Lorelai. And now, glancing down, the sparkle reminds him of her, not the toothy smile that she gave him, not the mischievous glint in her eyes or the blush of her cheeks, but the last look on her face. The expression that he had noticed on her face last he saw her, was not foreign to him. He had seen it many times, for many reasons and it always brought on the same reaction within him.

_Luke. I am in. I'm all in. Please trust me. Let me show you what a great girlfriend I can be. But I can't wait. We can't wait. I need to know what you're thinking right now._

_-_

_I just want you to know that I heard you when you said that you're out. I did. I'm going to respect that from now on._

_-_

_You know what, it doesn't matter. Cause it's done. We're done. It's fine. I'm not mad._

_-_

_Two months! That's a hell of a long time to go without telling me!_

_-_

_Look I need to digest this, and you have to get back inside. So, uh, I'm going to go someplace where I can digest this and we will just talk more later, okay?_

_-_

_Why not Luke don't you love me? But I love you Luke, I love you. But I have waiting and I've stayed away and I've let you run this thing but no more. I asked you to marry me and you said 'yes'!_

_-_

_Well I'm sorry to hear that. And I have to go._

_-_

_We missed it. We missed our middle. Can we at least get our end?_

_-_

_So this is it, Luke. This is our final chance. And I love you. I do._

It was that horrible look in her eyes that he couldn't get away from. It had been her eyes that had first attracted him to her, all those years ago. And as the years went by, he had come to know that her eyes were the key, the window into her. Her eyes were how he could tell what she was thinking or feeling without her saying a single thing. And when he had seen her eyes in all those moments he had just been thinking about, there was only one word that could describe them: pained. Though he is as angry at her as he could ever be, it still kills him to see that look in her eyes.

The look is something so amazing, that no artist, not even Monet, could even hope to paint it. The colors within her eyes were blue, grey, green, cerulean, white, navy, indigo and a million other colors that Crayola hadn't even invented yet. But they remind him of something, of a day he would never forget, her eyes in those moments were the color of the water on that day all those years ago.

It was a few days before her death and his father decided that they should all take a trip out to the ocean, rent a sailboat and just take to the sea, like Melville said. He had said that if they didn't take this moment as a family, all would be lost and they'd all be living lives of regret until the day they died, little had he known his own death wouldn't be but a few years away. So they had all piled in the car, even Liz, who had been given the look of death at her first refusal to join the family. They drove out to the nearest port, rented a sailboat and spent hours out in the water, just contemplating, quiet and pensive. He remembers watching his father fuss over his mother until she couldn't take it anymore and reminded him that there was nothing more he could do, that he had done enough already, and he should just take these moments with her for what they were. He remembers sitting on the back of the boat, letting his legs dangle off, wishing that they were even longer than they were so that they would reach the water. He was just staring out at the water that was behind them now, even as a child he had been preoccupied with the past, never one to stay in the present or look to the future. In all his life, he had only once let his eyes stray from looking backwards, and where had that lead him?

He remembers his mother coming over to sit next to him, actually his father had helped her over, but had left so they could have a moment alone. He remembers the look on her face, she was smiling, and at the time he had wondered why. What could she possibly have to be happy about? She was dying! She was leaving him! But she had put her arm around him and kissed his head, and reminded him that if he always looked in the past he would always see her like this, but if he looked in the future, he would see her as he most wanted to remember her. She had told him not to hold it inside, to find some to open up to, to let someone in.

And though it had taken years, he had finally found that someone. Lorelai had been the only one he let in. Not April, he was trying to get her to like him for who he was, he couldn't let her see him like this. Not Loren, he was too busy concentrating on raising her without having to let her into his dark side. But Lorelai had sought it out. She had felt neglected when he held things in.

_See, there's a reason why I stay away from people on this particular day. It's cuz I kinda suck._

_Oh, Luke, I'm sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have stayed out of it. You were right, I didn't think. I mean, I didn't think like you would think. I thought like I would think. And my thinking is sometimes very, very wrong if you're not me and occasionally if you are me-_

_You just keep thinking like you would think._

Lorelai had wanted to know, and not just so that she could know everything about him, but so that she could better understand. So that she could be there for him. To love him more even on his darkest days. And he loved her for that. The only problem that came with that, was when someone knew you that well, that in depth, they knew the best ways to hurt you, they knew exactly what buttons to push to turn that screw just a little more. And he just wished that she had known there were only two things he wanted in life her and a family. And that with one cross-country flight, she had taken all of that away.

* * *

"Mom?" Lorelai hears her younger daughter call softly from the doorway. She's curled up on what she had always termed as 'her side of the bed', at least with Luke. It had been different with Larry because she couldn't imagine sharing a bed with someone other than Luke and sleeping on 'her side of the bed'. Waking up with Luke had been a different experience from anything else. She remembers how comfortable, how safe, it had felt to wake up with his arm wrapped around her midsection. Even after the nights that had turned raunchy and all inhibitions had been tossed to the wayside and they had ended up on the other end of the bed, too exhausted to get back to lay on the pillows, the mornings were still wonderful when Luke's arm was wrapped around her holding her tight. It was like he was claiming her as his, but more that she was like the little teddy bear he kept wrapped under his arm for comfort, like a little boy, unable to sleep without her. 

"Mom?" Lucy calls again, and Lorelai realizes that she never answered before, having gotten caught up in her own thoughts. She turns over on her back on forces a smile for her daughter's sake.

"Hey Sweetie," Lorelai croaks out, holding a hand out towards her daughter. "Come here." Lucy leans against the doorframe, seemingly reluctant to move closer to her mother. As another head pops out next to Lucy, she can see why. "Loren?" Lorelai recognizes, screwing up her face in confusion. Loren smiles, suddenly bashful.

"Yeah, Dad went out of town for a bit so he told me just to stay here. Is that all right?" Loren asks.

"He told you to stay here?" Lorelai wonders with surprise. Loren nods. Lorelai's not sure what to think of this. Did he just tell her to stay at Lorelai's because she was already there or because after everything he still trusted Lorelai? Or did he just respond okay when Loren suggested that she stay at Lorelai's.

"So is it okay?" Loren asks again.

"Oh, yes, of course Loren honey, it's fine. You know you can stay here whenever you want," Lorelai answers. Lucy and Loren share a look, as if having a silent discussion. "Are you guys decoration for my doorframe or do you want to come in?" Lorelai teases lightly. Lucy grins and walks in and climbs on the bed next to Lorelai, taking her mom's hand. Loren follows, sitting next to Lucy.

"He didn't take it well?" Lucy asks. Lorelai glances from Lucy to Loren and shrugs.

"He's mulling, isn't he?" Loren figures.

"You know your father," Lorelai replies. Loren nods.

"Yeah. I remember when I wanted to go with Aunt Liz to visit Jess in seventh grade and Dad couldn't decide if he trusted Aunt Liz with me or trusted me without him. I'm not really sure. And he said he needed to think about it. He took so long, Aunt Liz was practically pulling out of the driveway when he finally agreed." Lorelai chuckles.

"Yup, that's Luke," Lorelai agrees.

"How are you doing?" Lucy asks, slightly worried about her mother. Lorelai smiles sweetly, covering Lucy's hand with her other one.

"I'm fine. I mean…" Lorelai sighs, letting going of Lucy's hand and folding her hands on her abdomen. "I'm doing the best I can. I don't have that many people in my life that…" She shakes her head looking up at the ceiling.

_I don't have that many people in my life who are permanently in my life, forever. They will always be there for me, I will always be there for them, you know? There's Rory and Sookie and this town and… you. I mean, at least I think I've got you._

_You do._

_Good._

"Mom?" Lucy says again, pulling Lorelai out of her reverie. Lorelai glances back at her daughter. "Sorry, you never finished that thought." Lorelai nods, patting Lucy's hand.

"It's just that, there are so few things you can depend on in life. I mean, that I can depend on in life, I mean people that I can depend on. Seriously, even Bryan Adams had to beg people to depend on him." Lucy furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "I depended on Rory and Sookie for so long. And you and your brother. And Luke… and I just… it's so hard for me to lean on someone. I don't want to…" She bites her lower lip. "Oh Luce, I screwed up, I think I really did it this time." She looks over at Loren. "I'm so sorry, Loren." Loren shakes her head.

"You had your reasons, I'm sure you did Lorelai. I can't say what you should have done 15 years ago, I wasn't around back then, I don't know what it was like back then. But I'm sure you had your reasons." Loren shrugs. Lorelai's breath shudders as she slowly drags it in.

"I'm so scared of losing him. Them. Nicolas. God, that look on his face." Lorelai covers her face with her hands. Lucy rubs Lorelai's arm.

"Mom, Nicky's too much of a Momma's boy to be mad at you for long. He just needs time to think," Lucy assures Lorelai and then snorts. "Like father, like son I guess." Loren grins. Lorelai presses her lips together, giving each of them a grateful look. She takes each of their hands in hers.

"I'm so thankful for you girls, both of you. I wish I could have had your maturity at your age. Hell I wish I could have your maturity at my age." Lucy laughs. "Your dad didn't say where he was going?" Lorelai asks Loren, who shakes her head in response.

"Nope, just that he needed to go somewhere and he'd be back," Loren responds.

"Mom!" Rory exclaims, tossing her bag on the ground and running into the room. She runs around the bed over to Lorelai's side. Lorelai scoots closer to the middle, so that Rory can sit on the edge of the bed, next to her. Rory plants a kiss on Lorelai's forehead and then rubs her mother's arm. "I got here as fast as I could."

"You didn't have to rush, Kiddo. I've got two awesome little nannies right here. I'm sure they could have gotten me raw cookie dough and red vines if I needed," Lorelai responds, but seems grateful at the same time that her older daughter has come.

"What can I do? What do you need?" Rory asks hurriedly.

"No Frank this time?" Lorelai teases. Rory cocks her head, giving her mother a look. Lorelai smiles softly.

_Angel I have been dumped before._

_But not by Luke._

_No, not by Luke. But a dump is a dump. The process is still the same._

"How are you doing?" Rory asks. Lorelai gives her a look.

"Do we have to go through that again?" Rory shrugs. Lorelai stretches her arms out to Rory, who lies down, curling up on Lorelai's side, wrapping an arm around her mother as Lorelai's arms encircle her. Lorelai kisses the top of Rory's head.

"Oh Sweets, I don't know why you do it. I don't know why you always come to dig me out of whatever canyon I've fallen into. I don't know what I'd do without you," Lorelai says. Then she takes her left hand off of Rory and touches Loren's knee and takes Lucy's hand in hers. "I don't know what I'd do without any of you."

"Oh wait, I brought you something," Rory remembers. She digs in her back pocket and pulls out an envelope. "This is for you. This is for you to read alone." Lorelai furrows her eyebrows, but doesn't let go of Lucy's hand to take the envelope. "I want you to know, Mom. And Luke should know this too. That a relationship can be destroyed by the past but it can also be strengthened by it. You just have to decide for yourself what you want it to do."

* * *

Luke shifts his duffel bag on his shoulder and then knocks on the door. He steps back, taking a moment to get a good look at the townhouse that he's only really seen pictures of. After a moment the door opens. "Hey Dad," his older daughter, April, greets him. "You got here sooner than I thought you would." She steps back to let him walk in and he notices a young man standing uncomfortably in the front hallway. Luke raises an eyebrow and glances between the two of them. 

"Oh, uh… I can go get some dinner and come back," Luke stammers. April shakes her head.

"Oh, no, Dad, this is George, I've told you about him," April responds, waving her hand towards George.

"Uh, sure, hey," Luke says, reaching out his hand to George. They shake hands, eyeing each other warily. April raises an eyebrow watching them behave like men. "You work with my daughter?" Luke finally asks. George nods, unable to voice his answer, his mouth suddenly dry. April finally gives in and cracks up. Both guys stare at her like she's lost it.

"Oh come on!" April exclaims. "Dad you're acting like George is a Neanderthal and George, you're acting like my dad is the Terminator. And, let me please inform you, neither of those are true in the slightest." She winks at George. "Sorry George." Luke smirks. George shifts uncomfortably from where he stands.

"Uh, I should…" he trails off pointing towards the door, still seeming afraid of Luke. April smiles, amused by George's uneasiness around a man that never seemed that imposing to her.

"All right, I'll call you later," April agrees.

"Yeah…"

"I've taken a few days off of work for…" She motions with her head towards Luke. "But I'll give you a call." George nods, kisses April quickly and leaves. Luke's eyes widen at the sight of his daughter kissing a man. April glances back at him and giggles.

"You know, I told your sister that she's not allowed to date until she's 35. Do you know what she would say if she knew I had just witnessed that?" Luke grumps. April laughs.

"Well, I think you might still have a few more years until you have to start worrying about Loren kissing boys, but maybe not. She's a lot more outgoing that I was at her age. Remember my first crush?" April asks. Luke gives her a look.

"Yes, I don't want to talk about that," Luke responds. April smiles, shaking her head.

"Come on in, you want me to show you the guest room, or do you want to talk first?" Luke follows April into the living room. He glances around and then settles onto the couch, dropping the duffel at his feet. "Okay, talk it is." Luke grimaces and stares at his shoes, not knowing how to start. "Well you want to start by telling me why Rory stopped over here on her way to Stars Hollow to make sure I gave you this?" April hands Luke an envelope. He looks at it for second, rereading his name in Rory's loopy cursive. He sighs, setting the envelope down next to him.

"Lorelai's back," he responds. April nods, sitting down in a chair.

"I knew that. You told me. Or Loren. Or both. I don't really remember. It's been awhile though hasn't it? I mean this isn't a spur of the moment - the woman I've been in love with for twenty some years is back and I need to run - kind of thing." Luke frowns.

"The woman I've what?" He closes his eyes, rubbing his forehead.

_Rory's an old friend._

_She doesn't look old._

_I mean, I've known her well since she was your age. She's from stars hollow. She's actually the daughter of the woman I'm with, my fiancée, Lorelai. You met her that one time. It's kind of complicated._

_I'll say._

"Come on, Dad. I've known you for, what, sixteen years now? And you've been in love with Lorelai the whole time. Don't give me that whole, I married Mandy thing. I know it. And what's more, you know it too," April insists.

"Well how about this for a return of the boomerang, she announced yesterday that her fifteen year old son, Nicolas, is mine." April raises an eyebrow.

"Yours?" Luke nods. "He's fifteen?" Luke nods again. "And you came here because you were angry that Lorelai never told you? You thought you could commiserate with me and I'd tell you that you were doing the right thing by being angry with her?" Luke folds his hands, setting them on his knees.

"I'm just pulling this out of the sky, but I'm guessing you're not going to tell me that," Luke responds. April nods.

"Correctamundo Dad."

"Can I ask why? I mean, can I just get an explanation as to why you're siding with a woman you've barely met?" Luke requests.

"And whose fault is that?" April comes back with. He draws in a deep breath and looks down at his feet, knowing that April had given him the perfect response. April shakes her head. "Okay, let's play a little game."

"April…" Luke warns.

"It's called remember how we met?"

"Sure, course I do, you ran in, ripped my hair out of my head, and ran off. And let me tell you, my hair hasn't been the same since," Luke complains, running his hand over his hair.

"And think about this, Dad, I was doing the project. I wanted to find out who was my father. But Mom knew. She knew all along. And I guess I never really cared about her reasons for not telling you or me because I guess she had them, or maybe not, but she knew. She didn't tell you." Luke's face goes lax as he recognizes April's comparison. "Trust's an issue with you, I get it."

_We can't hide things from each other._

_I know._

_I'm not going to like it when Christopher calls, but we have to tell each other everything._

_Agreed._

_That's the only way this is going to work._

_I know._

_-_

_No secrets._

_Cross my heart and hope to die._

_Naw, I hate that saying._

_No secrets._

Luke sighs, placing his head in his hands, think about how that whole conversation had been one big lie on his part and how she had forgiven him so quickly, so easily. It had been just a day later that he had found out about April and had kept that information from her. He had just let it go with Anna. She had lied to him, kept his daughter from him and he had just allowed her to make up excuses for doing that, reasons which he had learned from his time with Loren, really held no water. He can't help but wonder whether Lorelai had more reason. And he knows, that though her decision might have been incredibly incorrect, her reasons were true and strong and valid. More than that, she was willing to admit that she was wrong, something Anna had never done. What's more, she was Lorelai, and he loved her. "April, I think I really screwed this whole thing up." April slides off her chair and moves over to sit next to him on the couch.

"You can't really claim to have screwed everything up until you've gotten arrested for lewd conduct for sleeping with a prostitute, been fined $1800, put on two years probation, all to end up being dumped by one of the most beautiful women in the world," April remarks. Luke glances over at her and nods.

"Okay, I'll give you that," Luke remarks. April grins. Luke sighs, standing and just wandering around the living room. "You know, the moment she told me, the moment, I just wanted it all to be back the way it was, you know, fifteen years ago. When everything was going great." He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, thinking about all the had gone wrong back then.

"Loren said you guys were back together," April says. Luke stops and gives April an annoyed look.

"I hate that you two gossip about me behind my back," Luke grumbles. April shrugs.

"We don't do it for you. We do it because we're sisters." Luke lips slowly curve into a smile as he again appreciates the closeness between his two daughters. "Dad, you can't just wish things were the way they were. I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Doc Brown. There's no going back."

"I know," Luke says sadly.

"Is it worth it? I mean, is it worth it to you to forgive her for everything, to forgive yourself for everything and just move on. Because if you love her, if you really want to be with her, then don't let all this other junk get in your way. Because that would be the definition of screwing up," April informs him. He stares at her, hands on his hips, slowly processing. April stands and walks over to him, touching his arm. "You know, I know it wasn't me. When I was thirteen and she left and you were sad and it was so soon after my birthday party, I thought… I dunno. But I know it wasn't me." Luke looks stunned, having never realized that April might have considered it her fault. "Did I ever tell you that when I graduated from high school I got a gift in the mail with no return address postmarked from San Francisco, California?" Luke shakes his head. April walks over to the bookshelf and picks up a thin book and hands it to Luke, who stares at the title, not getting the meaning.

"Harold and the Purple Crayon," he reads and then glances at April. He opens the front cover. "So you'll always be a little girl at heart," he finishes, knowing erratic handwriting well. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" April shrugs.

"Because of that look that came over you anytime someone mentioned her name in your presence. You were lost without her for fifteen years, you want to feel like that for the rest of your life?"

_I just hate that we were apart._

_Yeah, wasn't too fond of it myself._

_Well, all I can say is, you're lucky I'm back in your life because clearly you were lost without me. I mean it's a miracle you're even alive. Right?_

_You bet._

Luke smiles to himself, remembering the hopeful and worried look in her eyes as she said this, as if she was just putting up a courageous exterior. As if she actually thought that he wasn't lost without her. And he wonders if he ever made it clear to her how disastrous his life had been without her.

April pats his arm, comfortingly. "You think on it," she tells him. Luke nods. "Well I'm going to go make us some dinner and then we can talk about the plan for getting back to Stars Hollow." She walks out of the room. "And don't forget Rory's letter!" she calls. Luke looks back over at the couch, seeing the envelope still sitting there, only imagining what can be in it. He sighs and walks over and picks it up as well as his duffel bag and carrying it back into the guest room.


	20. This Can't Be The End

**Chapter 20: This Can't Be The End**

It is times like this that remind her why she went to Christopher's on that fateful night all those years ago. She had been broken. Her heart in pieces, ripped to shreds. And she had been alone. She had no one. Rory was with Logan. Sookie was with Jackson and the kids. And Luke, well, whoever Luke was with, it wasn't her. She had told him everything. She had thrown caution to the wind and just let loose. And he had just stood there, as if he hadn't heard her, babbling something about April and Anna as if they were the first people on his mind. And in her final moment, standing in front of him, she had given him one last chance, looking at him, waiting, and he had said nothing, as if it didn't even matter anymore, as if he really didn't want to marry her, as if he really didn't love her anymore.

_Hey._

_Hey._

_You okay?_

_Uh, I'm having a really bad night and, um…. I just don't want to be alone. Okay?_

_Yeah. Come on in._

She hadn't gone there for that. She was lonely. She just needed to know that there was someone who cared. And she had known he would let her in. He always did. He was always just waiting for her. But somehow it had taken her 12 hours, actually less than that, to understand that what she wanted from him, he couldn't give her. No one could. Only Luke. And Luke wouldn't give it to her anymore. Then she was lost once again. And alone.

Well, not alone in actuality which she would find out two days later during her visit to the doctor's. And when she found out she was pregnant with Nicolas, she had cried. The doctor just sat there, handing her tissues and she just kept on crying. She couldn't stop and she didn't know why. It was like something in her had burst and she just needed to let loose of everything through her tears. The doctor had been worried that she didn't want the baby. But it wasn't that. She wasn't upset about the pregnancy at all. She had wanted kids with Luke from the moment he had suggested it the year before. She could just imagine their little girl with curls and his hidden smile. She could just see their little boy with her love of life and his generosity. And she could see them raising that child together.

But the moment she had stepped into his apartment and had seen him standing there with Anna and April as if they were a family, she had known it would never happen. It was over. She had screwed up. She had broken his trust by walking away from him just after repeating over and over her love for him and her intense desire to marry him. She had walked away from him and walked right into the arms of the only person she knew Luke would slit from head to toe before letting him be in the same room with her, much less touch her. And it was over. Whatever wonderful, magical thing they had had was all lost. He no longer saw her and now she would no longer see him.

And, yet, still there had been some hope. Something deep inside her had never given up the idea of him, that he was still waiting in his diner for her all this time. When she had walked into his place of work six months ago, something in her had still contained if only a small glimmer of hope, a selfish revolting dream, that he had waited for her, that he had pined for her for fifteen long years. That every moment she had thought about him during all that time, during the birth of their son, the birth of her daughter, at her wedding, before every cup of coffee and every night and morning of her time in San Francisco, was equaled by how often he had thought about her. It was nauseating to think that she had wanted to be that important to him, that she had hoped that he hadn't moved on, that he was just waiting for her to return, knowing he was the reason she had left. She was disgusted with herself. And it was only once she had finally given in and admitted that she had never stopped loving him, that she realized it was true.

Now she had lost all that. She sits under the chuppah, leaning against the pole that Gilbert hangs from, staring at nothing. The unopened envelope from Rory in her hands. And she knows that if she never gets him back, she probably never deserved him to begin with. Slowly she slides her index finger between the slips of the envelope and rips it open and extracts a small piece of paper.

**Dear Mom and Luke,**

**One letter, two people. It's nice to share. Besides, I have the same thing to say to both of you. So I'm writing you both a letter. I know I could easily tell you in person, but really I don't feel like dealing with your interruptions (Mom) and your muttering under your breath (Luke). And I think after 25 years, I have a right to play the adult in the relationship because honestly you two act like children sometimes. In the minimal amount of words, here it is: stop being stupid. Got it?**

**Moving on then, I have a few instructions for you two. Mom, go through your Luke box. Luke, go through your Lorelai box. Don't play dumb, I know you both have them, because, come on, I've known both of you almost as long as you've known each other. Go through the boxes and remember what it was like, remember all those great times, remember what you lost fifteen years ago. And remember what you had just a few days ago and how great it was when you finally gave in and lived life for yourselves rather than for other people. Maybe after your trip on your own Delorians, you'll finally see that you can have it all. You'll finally see that this is your last chance to be together; that you may have missed 15 years but you don't want to miss any more.**

**You don't want to have to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been.**

**Your daughter and (hopefully) future stepdaughter,**

**Rory**

Not needing to reread the letter second time, Luke folds the letter back in Rory's perfect thirds and stuffs it back in the envelope. He glances at the diner that is filled with patrons. The diner, that he had created in memory of his father, no longer stands to him as a tribute to the man who was once William Nicolas Danes. But still the restaurant is not just a place of work, it's a living memorial to what once was. It's the place that, three years after its opening, welcomed its most frequent customer, when she flew through the doors, half-crazed, on a serious coffee withdrawal. All these years later, she's still the person that he most associates with this place.

The diner is what brought her to him on that fateful day when she gave him the first horoscope. He can still remember those early mornings when she would slouch in the chair by the door, moaning in her need for coffee. He can see her vivaciously chatting with Rory about some movie or a town event. And there's her stool. The one right by the register. The one she claimed as her own without actually saying so. The one that he could barely look at for years. It was the stool she sat in when she would lean across the counter for a quick, small but sweet kiss, as if needing only the light touch of his lips to get her through the day. Those kisses, their very special, all Luke and Lorelai, public and yet also private at the same time, kisses. Those little moments were what was missing in his life as he worked each day in the diner after she left.

_Hey Luke._

_Lorelai, hi. Where's Rory?_

_Oh, out in the car._

_Oh. It was a really nice ceremony, wasn't it?_

_Yeah it was beautiful._

_What's up?_

_I just wanted to say something to you in case we don't see each other before you go on your trip._

_Sure, what?_

_Don't get engaged._

_What? Why? Lorelai?_

And in his mind, in his dreamy state of mind, she had walked away. And in real life, she had run away. Because he had told her to go. He had told her that he never wanted to see her again. He had told her that he wished he had never met her. And from the moment he discovered her note, he had cursed himself continuously for hurting her like that. The pain of losing her was worse than he could have ever imagined. Yes, the idea that she had slept with Rory's father had hurt, but it couldn't even compare. He had to take care of Paul Anka while she was gone, the dog that he had run to the doctor in the middle of the night for Lorelai's sake. He had to watch the TV in his apartment, the TV that he had bought for her so that he would never have to spend a night apart from her again. Little did he know at that time, it would only be a week later that he might have never had her again.

Reluctantly, he opens the door to his place of business which April had already opened without him, wanting him to have a chance to sleep after the drive from Maryland. She clearly remembers how to run the place although she hasn't been a waitress in the diner for quite a few years. The plates are being passed from customer to customer with ease, coffee cups are magically filled without being asked and the cash register is constantly ringing. He remembers that when she used to work there after to school, he used to wonder if he had passed his love for the diner on to her. But really, what he had passed onto her was a love for family, for parents, for memories, for fathers.

"Where's Loren?" he asks as he passes her on his way into the back. She gives him a knowing look. "Still at Lorelai's?" April nods.

"We'll meet her over there soon," April says pointedly. Luke sighs, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. "I've got this under control, Pops. You look like you've got something to do." He nods.

"Thanks April," he says and glances around the place. "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Married the love of your life fifteen years ago?" she suggests and his heart sinks. But she just grins. "It's true too, we both know it. But then you would have missed out on knowing a really great daughter and some fantastically awesome trips to science museums and that one night when you caught your fantastically awesome daughter making out in a boy in the living room when you got home from work when she was supposed to be babysitting for her three year old sister." Luke takes a deep breath, all those moments rushing into his memory at once.

"Some days were better than others, but I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on knowing you," he admits and glances down at the envelope in his hand. "Not even for…" He shakes his head. April touches his arm gently.

"Come and get me when you want to go over there," she says softly, kisses him on the cheek and walks away. Luke stands there, watching her for a moment, 28 and all grown up. And he can still picture her on her bike, wearing a helmet that was a mix of head gear and a hockey mask. He can still see her that first day when she told him about her science project, grabbed his hair and ran off. No matter what Anna or anyone ever said, he was born to be a father, he had loved his little girl from the moment that he knew he was her father. Kids were one thing but Loren and April were another, they were his kids. And now Nicolas. He knows deep down that he had loved Nicolas far before ever knowing that he was his son. More than because he was Lorelai's son, because there was something so familiar about him, something that he now knows only reminds him of his father, and it's no wonder to him why Lorelai named him Nicolas.

* * *

It was just like Rory to do this to her. To see her mother sitting out here under the chuppah, come out carrying the giant box, set it at Lorelai's feet and go back inside, locking the door behind her. And it wasn't that Lorelai didn't want to go through the box. She knows that over the past few months, ever since she stepped foot in Stars Hallow, all of the memories have come rushing back. She knows that all of the important moments with Luke she's heard and seen all over again if only in her mind's eye. But actually touching these items, mixing reality with fantasy, it might be too much.

She eyes the box in front of her warily, still leaning back against the leg of the chuappah. Bringing her index finger to her mouth, she chews on the tip for a minute as she considers her options. She can say to hell with Rory and all of that, ignore the box, forget about Luke, go back to San Francisco and continue living a life not worth lived. She can follow Rory's plan, go through the box, and hope that Luke's doing the same. Or she can… And she pauses the work of her mouth on her finger. There's no third option. In fact, there was really no other option all along. And she groans, knowing that Rory knew that from the start.

Reaching out and grabbing the edge of the box, she pulls herself up into a sitting position, crossing her legs Indian style. She pulls the box closer to her and glances in. Just the image of all of it, of everything related to 10 years of Luke, all of it together, instantly forces a lump in her throat. And she just has to take a deep breath before she actually reaches in.

Slowly she begins pulling different items out and setting them around her. Some she stares at for a moment and smiles. Some she runs her fingers over for a moment, conjuring up the memories again. And a few she ignores, not wanting to actually touch them again. A pink dress. A pair of ice skates. A pair of earrings and a necklace. A coffee mug. A bag of decaf coffee. A pair of yellow boots. A package of Barbie bandaids. A green Frisbee. A pair of silver shoes with the heel falling off of one. A menu with her name drawn in scribbles all over it. Lorelai Gilmore. Lorelai Victoria Gilmore. Lorelai Danes. Lorelai V. Danes. Mrs. Luke Danes. Mrs. Danes. She smiles to herself, she had wanted it so badly. An unopened bottle of champagne.

_So when you went up earlier, you were going to bed. You go to bed early, which makes sense because you get up early. And, ug… now I got it._

_Hey, it's no big deal. Just come on in, we'll, uh…_

_No, I can hold on to this 'til later._

_Yeah?_

_Yeah. Good night. Goes to bed early, I gotta remember that._

_Only on some nights._

_Hey, don't you also hate champagne?_

_Kind of._

_Yeah. I'm learning, I'm learning._

She places the bottle next to her, running a nail down the side. She had wanted to bad to know all of his secrets, all the little things about him, and she thought she had. She had thought she knew him so well. But if she had, wouldn't she have seen the end before it happened?

Getting up on her knees, she looks in the box to see what's left and she knows what's still there. She remembers that she put it in the bottom for a reason. This was the only item, the only memory, the only moment, that she wasn't sure she could ever handle retrieving. She's still not sure if she can handle it. And as she stares down at it, a tear drifts down her cheek. Her hand works separately from her body and reaches in and takes hold of the soft white material. She rests her arm on the side of the box, running the tips of her fingers over the silky tulle, the gorgeous beading, and the satin sash that had made her smile at the time because it was by request from him. She was going to wear it. She was going to become Mrs. Lorelai Danes. She was going to have everything she had ever dreamed of. And at that moment, her fingers release the material, rushing to cover her face as the she begins to sob quietly, mourning the loss of everything she had ever hoped for.

* * *

Luke is now sitting the middle of his former apartment, now Loren's special place, surrounded by the various parts of what once was a fairy tale life. The box rests against his knees as his eyes gaze over all the objects that surround him. While he had been unpacking, he had been stunned that they still had her scent. He was even more amazed that each still brought back the wonderful memory he had been hoping to preserve by making this box, by keeping the box. The rose. The daisy. The note on Garfield stationary. The suit carrier. The napkin with a loan agreement and a thank you written on it. The response card from the Dragonfly. The box of pens. The aprons with diner code written along the edge. The faded green baseball cap. The menus with her name written on the cover. The oven guide. The toolbox formerly known as Bert. And his favorite item, the picnic basket that cost exactly $52.50 and once contained two stale PopTarts and a Slim Jim.

_And I don't know, it's a nice concept._

_What is?_

_Just having someone you love or have some kind of crazy crush on bid on your basket and then share a romantic lunch. It's a nice concept._

_Well I'm sure someday you'll manage to find the right guy and drag him out to this thing and make him buy your stupid basket and then you'll be sitting out here with him._

_Yeah, someday._

_You know what?_

_What?_

_This is nice._

He picks up the basket, turning it over in his hands. And it had been nice, a lunch with Lorelai, with the woman that he had always dreamt of. His eyes roam from the basket to the tabletop, where he knows three very important items sit. Two horoscopes. One ring box. Just as he's about to stand and get a little closer to them, there's a light rapping on the door.

"I thought I was going to get you when I was ready…" His voice trails off when he opens the door to find Nicolas standing there. "Uh… I thought you were…" Luke rubs his hand over his mouth. Nicolas seems frozen on the other side of the door, as if he's afraid to take another step. "Heya, Nick, you want to come in?" The sound of Luke's version of his name brings a slight smile to Nicolas's lips. "Nick?" Nicolas nods and walks in. Luke watches him nervously as he closes the door, unsure of what to do. He remembers the first time he spent alone with April and somehow this is completely different. He already knew Nicolas. Somehow, he already loved Nicolas. Maybe it was the idea that this was his chance to be a father to his child with Lorelai, the only child of his conceived in love, the child whose life could have been so much different, so much better, if only he and Lorelai had been able to figure things out all those years ago, if only they had understood back then what those fifteen years apart had shown them, that they would never stopped thinking of each other, that they belonged together, that through everything they were still deeply in love.

Nicolas stands in the middle of the room, his hands on his hips as he stares down at the box with all the objects surrounding it. Luke walks over to stand next to him, in exactly the same position. "My mom's?" Nicolas asks. Luke glances over at him and nods.

"Yeah well…" Luke shrugs uncomfortably. Nicolas nods.

"So you found out, huh?" Nicolas asks. Luke nods, walking over to the table, sitting down and motioning for Nicolas to sit as well.

"Yeah, your mom told me," Luke responds. Nicolas walks over and sits at the table, his eyes focusing on the horoscopes and ring box. Luke grimaces and brushes them to the side.

"You didn't know," Nicolas figures. Luke watches him for a moment and shrugs. He glances over at the mess he's created in the middle of the floor.

"Maybe. Somewhere deep down. Maybe I had an idea," Luke says. He looks back at Nicolas. "But, you know, it wasn't anything official, I mean she didn't say anything official." And Luke's eyes close momentarily.

_You knew what I was doing?_

_Well not officially!_

_Not officially? Oh come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that._

_Well you didn't say anything official!_

_What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do things._

"Luke?" Luke opens his eyes and looks at Nicolas again. "I think…" Nicolas sighs. "I think I knew too."

"She's really something, your mother is," Luke mutters.

"I wanted to come here to, you know, get to know you, or something. I mean, I know you, but I don't. You know?"

"Yeah, I know," Luke agrees.

"Does this feel at all a little Outer Limits-y to you?" Nicolas wonders. Luke stares at him for a moment before grinning.

"A little," Luke agrees and chuckles. Nicolas smiles, only because Luke is, but not getting the real reason that Luke is smiling.

"I just want you to know, I mean, I'm glad. I'm glad it's you, I guess. I mean, I love – loved – I mean, my dad. But I never felt close to him, you know? I never felt like we had anything in common. And then I come here and it's… different," Nicolas says.

"Some fathers are hard to get close to. My dad was like that."

"My grandfather," Nicolas realizes.

"Yeah," Luke agrees, his eyebrows raised as if he hadn't thought about it. "You know your mother named you after him?" Nicolas shakes his head.

"Your dad's name was Nicolas?"

"No, my dad's name was William." Nicolas snorts.

"Oh, well that makes sense."

"His middle name was Nicolas. Guess she wanted to make it a little less obvious for Rory or whoever," Luke figures.

"She tell you that?" Nicolas asks. Luke shakes his head.

"No, I just know your mom." Nicolas smiles slightly.

"I wish I could say that this changes things. But I'm not going to be calling you dad anytime soon, I mean, I don't know what will happen a few years from now but…" Nicolas says.

"That's okay."

"And I'm still angry with Mom, but…" Nicolas shrugs. "She's still my mom."

"You know, your sister always said you were a Momma's boy," Luke remarks.

"Oh yeah? Which sister?" Nicolas asks, although both men knew he was referring to Lucy. But Luke suddenly realizes that Nicolas now has four sisters: Rory, April, Lucy and Loren. They share a small smile. "I guess, I mean, I don't really know. I just needed some time."

"To think," Luke finishes for him.

"Yeah. To think. But I forgive her. I mean, I figure she had her reasons."

"She did," Luke replies. Nicolas raises an eyebrow. Luke nods. "She did," Luke assures him again.

"So you forgive her too?" Nicolas asks. Luke shrugs. "You know this is killing her, right? I mean, she loves you. I think that's what I always saw in her eyes around you, that's how it was different from my dad. She never loved him. She never loved him because she never stopped loving you."


	21. I'm Still Loving You

**This is the final chapter! Well, this has been quite a ride. I want to thank all of your for your support throughout the entire process. Please know that I loved all of your reviews and I hope you will be exicted about the next big story I have coming up.**

**Oh and I hope you've realized by now where the title of the fic is from. The titles of the chapters are from a song I mention in this chapter that very much reminds me of Luke and Lorelai. **

* * *

**Chapter 21: I'm Still Loving You**

It's twilight now in Stars Hollow. The sky has turned from the brilliant blue of the day to the pale reds and pinks and light purples of the evening. The air is still breezy and cool, but she has yet to make up her mind to go inside and get a jacket. As she looks up at the sky through the top of the chuppah, she can almost imagine that the first stars are glittering down at her. And she smiles to herself, leaning back against the leg of the chuppah, closing her eyes. The white dress covering her as a blanket, wrapping her in her memories, warming her against the cool of air.

"Mom!" she hears Lucy call from the porch and she glances over there, startled. Lucy, Rory and Loren are relaxed on the porch swing, a blanket covering them as they cuddle together. Seeing that she's caught her mother's attention, Lucy points to her right. Lorelai looks over, down the driveway and sees three figures walking towards the house and her breath catches in her throat.

"It's the darkest hour," she mutters and picks up the dress from off her, placing it back in the box. Pressing her hands into the ground, she slowly stands up with a groan, having been sitting on the ground for hours. She brushes her clothes off and glances up to see three approach.

April's the only one to take her eyes off of Lorelai as she glances over at the girls on the porch and waves. "April!" Loren exclaims, running down the steps. The two girls hug having not seen each other in awhile. Luke stops, watching his daughters's excitement. He glances over at Lorelai, who is also eyeing the girls warily.

"Hey Lorelai," April says, as she lets go over her sister. Hesitating only a moment, she walks over to Lorelai, whose lips curve into a soft smile.

"It's nice to see you again there April," Lorelai responds. April grins and the throws her arms around a surprised Lorelai, who hugs back with a little uncertainty.

"Thanks for the book," April whispers in Lorelai's ear before she lets go. Lorelai winks, dropping her arms back to her sides.

"I thought you might be wanting a new copy."

"Well Loren ate the 8th page of my old one."

"Today?" April giggles.

"No, when she was one," April replies.

"I'm just saying, you Danes's eat some pretty weird things. Salad. Vegetables. Anything that Adkins would approve of," Lorelai jokes.

"And Nicolas?" April asks, glancing over her shoulder at her brother. Lorelai's smile disappears and her lips tighten. She looks over at her son, her heart beating rapidly as she worries about what's going on in his head. Lorelai glances back at April and fakes a soft smile.

"I'm glad you came to visit," Lorelai says lightly patting April on the shoulder as she walks over to Nicolas, folding her arms over her chest. She stares up at her son, suddenly realizing for the first time that he's taller than her. Glancing between him and Luke, she notices the similarities, more than height and their noses, but the way they're built, the way they stand. She doesn't know why it wasn't obvious to everyone the moment they met that the two were father and son, maybe they knew and just didn't want to see it. Her chin trembles as tears form in her eyes, just waiting for a word or two from her son, like the verdict was about to come down in her murder trial.

"Mom, I wish… I wish I could be mad at you. I wish I could be angry. I wish I could yell and scream. I wish…" Nicolas sighs, knowing there was only one true thing he really wanted. "I wish I had known all along." Lorelai nods.

"Yeah, I wish you had known him all along," Lorelai answers softly. "I'm sorry I kept you from him. You would have loved having him as a father." Nicolas nods.

"You had your reasons?" Nicolas asks. Lorelai nods, not taking her eyes off of her son. Nicolas wraps his arms around Lorelai, as she does the same, crying softly on her son's shoulder. "I love you Mom. Nothing could ever change that." Lorelai smiles to herself, through her tears. She reaches up with one of her hands, feeling the curls of hair on the back of Nicolas's neck, curls she used to run her fingers through late at night when she would climb in bed with her young son, holding him to her, trying to feel his father's love beating through his soft skin, trying to fill the broken heart that beat inside of her.

"You know, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young said that I shouldn't need you to tell me that, I should just know it," Lorelai jokes. Nicolas frowns.

"Bill Cosby and who?" Nicolas asks. Lorelai laughs.

"Oh Nicky, I love you too. Everything I've done. Everything, since I first knew I was pregnant with you. Everything was for you," she whispers in his ear, holding him tight.

After a moment, Nicolas lets her go, knowing his sisters are going to tease him if he hugs his mother any longer. He kisses Lorelai's cheek. "Thank you for that. Thank you for putting your dreams aside for me," he says. Lorelai nods. Nicolas glances over at Luke. "I think my father wants to talk to you." Lorelai bites her lower lip as she looks over at Luke, who hasn't taken his eyes off of her the whole time.

"Go say hi to your sister," Lorelai tells Nicolas, patting his arm and glancing over at the girls. "I mean…" She chuckles. "Your eldest sister." Nicolas smiles, a quiet smile on his face, the same one she'd seen on Luke all those years before, reminding her that it was the fact that Nicolas was so much like Luke that got her through those fifteen years when she thought Luke didn't love her anymore. Then Nicolas walks over to the porch, leaving Lorelai alone in the middle of the yard with Luke staring at her. A look passes between the two, a look with such intensity, such electricity, it could light up Shea Stadium, possibly all of New York City. For a moment, it's almost as if she can hear the song once again.

_Then you love me?_

_I suppose I do._

_And I suppose I love you too._

_It doesn't change a thing, but even so, after twenty-five years, it's nice to know._

The feeling that shot through her all those years ago backstage at the elementary school musical, when she finally allowed herself to realize that she loved him but couldn't tell him because they were broken up. It's still the same. "After twenty five years, Luke. After twenty five years." Luke nods, having been thinking the same thing, that it really had been twenty-five years since they had first met.

"I'm still loving you," he says softly. She breathes in fully through her nose, taking a few steps towards him, decreasing the space between them to less than a foot.

"Well, at least the Scorpions taught us something," she jokes. He nods. "So you took your time. You thought things over. I – I didn't push this time, did I?" Luke shakes his head.

"No, no you didn't. But I didn't need it, Lorelai. The moment you set the ring down on the table and walked out, I knew exactly what I was going to say at this moment." She folds her arms over her chest, looking up at him expectantly. "Sometimes the past has to stay where it is, in the past. Even if it screws up the future."

"So you want to forget everything?" she asks, her heart aching.

"I want to forget everything that we did to hurt each other. You know, the best revenge is a life well lived," he comments. She nods.

"I don't think I got my revenge."

"I didn't either." She smiles softly. "Lorelai, I wouldn't give up April or Loren for anything, not even our June 3rd wedding all those years ago. But I let you go. I let you go and it's hurt every moment that I thought about it. And I'm not doing it again. We had a son together, and though we didn't raise him together, he's still our son."

"He really is," Lorelai agrees. "Nicolas is the sum of the two of us." Luke nods, reaching out and touching her elbow.

"And he deserves to have a family. We can give him that."

"I'm sorry I never told you."

"Forget it. It's over. We're moving on. No turning back, remember?" Lorelai nods. "Then Lorelai, we can have our ending, if you just answer this question…" He reaches in his pocket pulling out the ring box. Lorelai gasps, biting her lower lip. On the porch, Lucy squeals, hugging Loren.

"Luke…" she whispers, looking into his eyes then down at the box and back. He opens the ring box.

"Lorelai, will you marry me? Will you be with me for always?" Through her tears, she tries to smile, her chin trembling.

"Yes," she answers, cupping his face in her hands and pulling his lips to hers, kidding him soundly.

"At least Babette and Patty aren't going to call me a wuss again," Luke murmurs against her lips. Lorelai laughs, as she pulls him back, kissing him again.

* * *

The scene is how everyone would have imagined it, but never thought it would come true. On the freshly cut lawn in front of the new large blue house, big enough for the whole family, paid for in part by the bride's mother and in part by the bride and groom themselves, is a large gathering. Chairs have been set up on either side of a long white carpet which ends at the base of the tall wooden chuppah made years before for a different wedding but with hopes of this one. Around the legs of the chuppah are large vases of white lilies and purple lilacs. 

Morey sits at the piano to the right of the chuppah, waiting for his moment. All the guests quickly seat themselves. The groom's sister, husband and one of his two nephews sit at the front one side with his elder daughter's boyfriend and his elder nephew's wife and son. Opposite them sit the bride's mother, son-in-law and three grandchildren. The reverend stands on the far side of the chuppah, giving the attendees a chance to get ready and letting the guests just a few more minutes of squabbling over seats, knowing these are people who like to talk and banter. Finally he glances over to his left at the groom, who walks up to stand in front of the chuppah, and to his right at Morey, who begins to play a sweet melody.

All in the audience turn to watch the younger daughters of both the bride and groom walk down the aisle in long lilac colored dresses, with their shared brother, the only child shared by the bride and groom, between them. The groom can only stare at his son, seeing so much of his mother in him, seeing so much of himself in him. Though not knowing his son for most of his life, the groom is still as proud of him as any father would be. He moves his eyes from his son to his younger daughter and future step-daughter, both alike in style and personality, like his future wife, but so different in the same ways. Each of them having a little in them of their lost parents. As they reach the front, the groom winks at each of them. The girls make their way to one side and the boy stands next to his father, who receives a pat on the shoulder from his son.

Next the groom's elder nephew and elder daughter head down the aisle arm in arm. All are amazed to see how grown up the young man is, seeming tall, although not quite six feet, but finally seeming to fit his age of 35. The look on his face is one of wisdom, as if he had always known this day would come. His cousin on his arm, who seemed so mature at the age of 12, seems to glow as she takes each step. One who saw her next to her father on the street, would know that they were parent and child by looks, but marvel at how their conflicting personas mesh so well together. She winks at her father before he can, knowing exactly what he was about to do and joins her sister and future step-sister on one side. The young man nods to his uncle and walks over to stand next to his cousin.

Finally all stand as the bride walks up to the end of the aisle. A glittering tiara shimmers on top of the long dark curls that surround her face. The wedding dress of long ago is no longer as she had let go of that with all the other painful memories of years ago. In its place is a white strapless satin gown, bunched at the waist and a simple trail of etched flowers down one side, so very simple but seeming fit for a queen on the gorgeous bride. Wrapped around her arm is the arm of her elder daughter, wearing a dollish suit. After spending days coming up with different ideas, the bride realized there was no one more fit to give her away, to let her go from her old life of a mother at sixteen to her new life as the wife of the love of her life. Though it may seem a little odd to many who don't know them to see two women walk down the aisle, all who are there see it as the only fitting way for this to happen. As when most had met the bride, the only other person in her life had been her young daughter, now grown into a woman of 36, wife, mother of three, and political journalist.

When they reach the end of the aisle, the daughter takes her mother's hands in hers, kisses her mother's cheek and winks at her future step-father. Then turns her mother to face her future step-father, placing their hands together and walks over and stands next to her sister and future step-sisters. The bride gazes up at the groom, their blue eyes matching color for color as if completely in sync in both mind and body. She squeezes his hands as he takes her in, shining in the white dress he sees before him. "You look…" and he trails off, unable to get the words out.

_Well?_

_It's – you're – perfect._

_Really? Have you seen the back? I think the train's a little weird. And I can take it back if you don't think-_

_It's perfect._

"Perfect?" she asks softly. He grins.

"Took the words right out of my mouth," he answers, leaning in and giving her a soft, illicit kiss before they finally become man and wife.


End file.
